I cry because...

[Maurie]

Ladies, it has been quite a while since I last posted. I just found out via Facebook that a very close cousin is 18 weeks pregnant, it was a knife in my heart. She didnt tell me!

So I sat down and wrote, this is what I wrote. I would like to add more to it if you have more.
Thanks

I cry
I want you to understand, when I cry it has nothing to do with you.
I don't cry because I am jealous, I don't want your baby.

I cry because it is a reminder everyday of the difficult journey we are on.
I cry because I am reminded that our dreams may never come true.
I cry because I have to spend tens of thousands on something that may never happen.
I cry because I have to sacrifice my entire life for this process.
I cry because making love isn't that anymore, it's now timed, with the sole purpose of making a baby.
I cry because I think of my baby who died.
I cry because sometimes I don't know how to go on.
I cry because of the strain it puts on our marriage.
I cry because I have been on prenatal vitamins for 3 years and no baby.
I cry because I live to wait, wait to ovulate, wait to test.
I cry because I have my children's name picked out but no children.
I cry because I have the box of baby stuff under my desk in hopes my baby will one day get to wear it.
I cry because few know this pain, and most don't know how to talk to me.
I cry because I have lost friends.
I cry because people think this is a choice rather than a disease.
I cry because my medicine isn't covered by insurance.
I cry because I'm not sure how much more we can afford.
I cry because I know This makes people uncomfortable.
I cry because infertility stole my identity.
I cry because infertility stole my womanhood.
I cry because infertility stole my self-confidence.
I cry because it makes me question my faith.
I cry because it hurts.

So you see this has nothing to do with you or your baby. It is a struggle we have To deal with every day. I was just reminded of all this.

 

[markswife10]

Ladies, it has been quite a while since I last posted. I just found out via Facebook that a very close cousin is 18 weeks pregnant, it was a knife in my heart. She didnt tell me!

So I sat down and wrote, this is what I wrote. I would like to add more to it if you have more.
Thanks

I cry
I want you to understand, when I cry it has nothing to do with you.
I don't cry because I am jealous, I don't want your baby.

I cry because it is a reminder everyday of the difficult journey we are on.
I cry because I am reminded that our dreams may never come true.
I cry because I have to spend tens of thousands on something that may never happen.
I cry because I have to sacrifice my entire life for this process.
I cry because making love isn't that anymore, it's now timed, with the sole purpose of making a baby.
I cry because I think of my baby who died.
I cry because sometimes I don't know how to go on.
I cry because of the strain it puts on our marriage.
I cry because I have been on prenatal vitamins for 3 years and no baby.
I cry because I live to wait, wait to ovulate, wait to test.
I cry because I have my children's name picked out but no children.
I cry because I have the box of baby stuff under my desk in hopes my baby will one day get to wear it.
I cry because few know this pain, and most don't know how to talk to me.
I cry because I have lost friends.
I cry because people think this is a choice rather than a disease.
I cry because my medicine isn't covered by insurance.
I cry because I'm not sure how much more we can afford.
I cry because I know This makes people uncomfortable.
I cry because infertility stole my identity.
I cry because infertility stole my womanhood.
I cry because infertility stole my self-confidence.
I cry because it makes me question my faith.
I cry because it hurts.

So you see this has nothing to do with you or your baby. It is a struggle we have To deal with every day. I was just reminded of all this.

I can relate to nearly every one of those

 

[flou]

I understand how you feel. No one deserves to go through this pain and so little amount of people can truly empathise

 

[Chris_25]

Ladies, it has been quite a while since I last posted. I just found out via Facebook that a very close cousin is 18 weeks pregnant, it was a knife in my heart. She didnt tell me!

So I sat down and wrote, this is what I wrote. I would like to add more to it if you have more.
Thanks

I cry
I want you to understand, when I cry it has nothing to do with you.
I don't cry because I am jealous, I don't want your baby.

I cry because it is a reminder everyday of the difficult journey we are on.
I cry because I am reminded that our dreams may never come true.
I cry because I have to spend tens of thousands on something that may never happen.
I cry because I have to sacrifice my entire life for this process.
I cry because making love isn't that anymore, it's now timed, with the sole purpose of making a baby.
I cry because I think of my baby who died.
I cry because sometimes I don't know how to go on.
I cry because of the strain it puts on our marriage.
I cry because I have been on prenatal vitamins for 3 years and no baby.
I cry because I live to wait, wait to ovulate, wait to test.
I cry because I have my children's name picked out but no children.
I cry because I have the box of baby stuff under my desk in hopes my baby will one day get to wear it.
I cry because few know this pain, and most don't know how to talk to me.
I cry because I have lost friends.
I cry because people think this is a choice rather than a disease.
I cry because my medicine isn't covered by insurance.
I cry because I'm not sure how much more we can afford.
I cry because I know This makes people uncomfortable.
I cry because infertility stole my identity.
I cry because infertility stole my womanhood.
I cry because infertility stole my self-confidence.
I cry because it makes me question my faith.
I cry because it hurts.

So you see this has nothing to do with you or your baby. It is a struggle we have To deal with every day. I was just reminded of all this.

Wow I couldn't agree with this more and it's so very true! Well said!
I am sorry about the news

 

[Hpe_1]

Everything that I feel. Hugs for everyone. 3 of my best friends who we always couple hang out with are all prego right now and its hard to be around them. I'm happy for them but sad for dh and me. And they feel weird around us. I understand everything you wrote down

 

[heres_hoping]

I too understand everything you have put, including the added hurt of an angel baby. So sorry for the loss of baby Mercy and all you are going through since. Please know you are not alone, though I totally understand just how alone you feel x

 

[HearMyPrayers]

I'm sorry I too had a close cousin announce on FB she was pregnant, my heart that day broke a little more.

I cry everyday because my heart hurts from the pain of not having a child
I cry everyday because I feel guilty for putting my husband and I through this struggle
I cry everyday because I should be able to give myhusband the family he wants
I cry everyday because I long for something that I've never had but yet it feels the same has having had it and it was ripped away

finally the tears I cry that mean the most are tears of faith and trust, because my Great Creator, Father God will grant me everything I need and everything he has promised me. I cry for in a sense of happiness knowing that I am in the good company of a gracious Lord he will see that we all are fullifilled in our life purpose.

Hang in there ladies, this is your test of faith and strength. This is interview before you get the big job.

 

[Molae06]

What you wrote breaks my heart, all of those things are so true. Your post reminded me of when my cousin, who is fairly close (very close before the pregnancy and birth of her first 2 children) posted pics of her baby shower of all things. No one in my family knew of her pregnancy (besides her immediate family) because of me. I remember being BLAMED of all things of no one knowing. It also reminds me of when my sister announced her pregnancy on my wedding day. Spent the entire day crying and hating her (dh and I had already been trying for sometime). She knew of our struggles by then, but she wanted to one-up me and told my mom on MY wedding day, not the day before, not the day after. Just thinking about it reminds me what a bitch she can be.

Sending your way. Thanks for the beautiful post, I love seeing people post things on here that show the raw emotions of LTTC.

 

[tamithomas]

Wow you basically summed it up for all of us. Beautifully written

I would like to add: I cry because AF is a reminder that the dream has been pushed back for another month.

 

[fxforbabyb]

Ladies, it has been quite a while since I last posted. I just found out via Facebook that a very close cousin is 18 weeks pregnant, it was a knife in my heart. She didnt tell me!

So I sat down and wrote, this is what I wrote. I would like to add more to it if you have more.
Thanks

I cry
I want you to understand, when I cry it has nothing to do with you.
I don't cry because I am jealous, I don't want your baby.

I cry because it is a reminder everyday of the difficult journey we are on.
I cry because I am reminded that our dreams may never come true.
I cry because I have to spend tens of thousands on something that may never happen.
I cry because I have to sacrifice my entire life for this process.
I cry because making love isn't that anymore, it's now timed, with the sole purpose of making a baby.
I cry because I think of my baby who died.
I cry because sometimes I don't know how to go on.
I cry because of the strain it puts on our marriage.
I cry because I have been on prenatal vitamins for 3 years and no baby.
I cry because I live to wait, wait to ovulate, wait to test.
I cry because I have my children's name picked out but no children.
I cry because I have the box of baby stuff under my desk in hopes my baby will one day get to wear it.
I cry because few know this pain, and most don't know how to talk to me.
I cry because I have lost friends.
I cry because people think this is a choice rather than a disease.
I cry because my medicine isn't covered by insurance.
I cry because I'm not sure how much more we can afford.
I cry because I know This makes people uncomfortable.
I cry because infertility stole my identity.
I cry because infertility stole my womanhood.
I cry because infertility stole my self-confidence.
I cry because it makes me question my faith.
I cry because it hurts.

So you see this has nothing to do with you or your baby. It is a struggle we have To deal with every day. I was just reminded of all this.

I cry because I feel broken and defective

 

[babycrazy11]

I cried because I read this....... I haven't gone through all the things you have but I understand it. When no one else can understand we come here and everyone understands.

 

[Maurie]

Thank you ladies so much. It is hard when they try to keep it from us, it is hard when they don't know how to talk to us, especially those we find close.

I needed some reassurance that what I was feeling was normal. Sometimes I feel so out of place with everyone else. I feel like the elephant in the room. You ladies keep me sane

 

[rainski]

wow. that made me cry like there's no tomorrow. I thankfully, haven't had to deal with a loss, but most other things i relate to.

I cry because I can't do the one thing a women is made to do.

 

[AusGirl86]

I cry becuase every day I feel less and less like a woman.
I cry becuase I feel like I am failing my amazing, beatiful and supportive husband in being able to provide him with a child.

I also cry becuase of all the drugs I am on, and sometimes I don't need a reason as to why I'm crying!

 

[FilmNoirDame]

You put into words exactly what I am feeling right now. I came to the boards right now because I feel so sad lately. I have 5 close family members/friends currently pregnant and I am sure my boss is going to announce she is soon as well. It is so overwhelming and I'm feeling very alone.

I'm glad we're all here for each other so we don't have to cry alone!

 

[uwa_amanda]

I cry because I don't know what else to do.

I cry because I've never felt so alone in my real life outside of here.

 

[Liloo]

I cry for the same things.

 

[little_star7]

I was so sure this month.... i had a stranger tell me i had the glow of a pregnant woman.... pregnant women were all around me... and i had an angel card reading..i asked the cards if i was pregnant... the 3 cards were divine timing, children, answered prayer.... i had what i thought was implantation spotting plus other symptoms... hub had a good feeling... etc. AF came today.... i am bawling my eyes out as i type this... and read the initial post... so to add to it..

I cry because my body, mind, and spirit trick me into believing something that isn't true...
I cry because everyone in my life gets pregnant so easily.. and onto their second, third... etc..
I cry because my husband deserves to be a dad and would be the best one ever..
I cry because i love my baby so much even though i have never met him/her...
I cry because i am getting older and know my chances are getting slimmer..
.
I cry because i want this more than anything in the world...

I cry for the women who know exactly how i feel...

 

[mrs.marshall]

Oh my goodness this sums of my feelings so well. I've been struggling with ttc for about 3 years now and this is the first time I've ever tried talking to anyone about it. I keep seeing my family and friends start families and I just feel so hopeless sometimes. Every month is like a sad joke. My period lets me know I'm a woman while also making me feel like less of a woman. Thank you so much this. At least I know there's sometime who understands

 

[MrsOvey]

I feel your pain, sending hugs to you all xx