I didn't know I could grieve something like this?

[jozylynn896]

long story short I had a lot of problems with breastfeeding.

I dont really feel like going into all of that as it justhurts me more. But tge point is, i could cry a lot. I hate seeing things that say breast is best because I KNOW. I was determined to breastfeed even though I'm only 16. I didn't know that complications could come up? I thought everything would just be okay for me. I feel so terrible.
I really did not want to be here. Noah is now two minths old and he only drinks formula. Any words of advice or comfort? :'( i just feel heartbroken all of the time.

 

[Jendra]

I understand. I was going to breastfeed too, but had to supplement for medical reasons. Now my son barely gets any of my milk and he's 11 weeks old. Some days I'm fine with it, like when I leave the house on my own for a few hours and know I don't have to worry about supply (It takes five hours for my breasts to fill, and even then sometimes it's not enough to fill him).

But other times... it just hurts. I feel physically dysfunctional. On one hand I know it's not my fault, but on the other I still feel guilty.

Words of wisdom? Well, I know some exemplary mothers who formula fed and some crummy ones who breastfed, and of course vice versa. I know some very smart children who got formula as well as some not so bright, and the same with breast milk. You're no more or less a mother for breastfeeding or formula feeding.

We have to remember that food is food. You're delivering nutritious calories to a hungry baby. I know it hurts and it feels unfair. But your baby won't remember this time or love you any more or less for getting a bottle. Don't let "breast is best" get you down. It isn't always. If it was truly always best, it wouldn't be so damn difficult or even impossible for some women. For us, formula is best because it's nourishing our babies.

 

[cat lover]

There is a sticky thread on the loss of breastfeeding hun, take a look x

 

[MindUtopia]

Hang in there! It's so painful and it is exactly like grieving. Time doesn't change the loss itself, but it does eventually get better.

I was like you in that I desperately wanted to BF. My daughter had a lot of trouble latching, despite seeing multiple midwives and BF counselors for help, she never really got the hang of it. In retrospect, I think she probably has a posterior tongue tie, but didn't know this until after my supply had dried up. We struggled through to 8 weeks with recurring mastitis because of her shallow latch and I eventually got dermatitis on my breasts (areolas swelled up and all the skin peeled off, it's been nearly 3 months and I still don't have skin in places where I should) and I could no longer even try to latch her. I expressed for another 2 weeks, but my body just didn't respond to the pump and eventually I was pumping hours and hours a day and still only getting a few ml. It was terrible. I wanted so much for her to have breastmilk, but she wasn't able to do it herself, even with all the support we had, and pumping didn't work either. One day I pumped and no more milk came out. It was just gone. It was the worst thing in the world. I've never been more sad in my entire life. After that, formula was our only option.

You're right, it's not the 'best' thing. But part of being a parent is learning to accept that you can only do your best and you can't be perfect. Sometimes things don't work out the way you hoped, even though you wanted them so badly and tried so hard. But mothering is also about learning to forgive yourself for not being perfect. You do the best you can and love and forgive yourself for everything else. It does get better. Just hang in there and be proud of yourself for all the wonderful choices you're making for your baby.

 

[cupcaker]

Same. Loads of problems. Lasted six weeks breastfeeding (utter hell) then a further two weeks expressing breastmlik combined with formula feeding. Now just on formula only, as pumping was just too much...too much time sat on the sofa pumping milk and not enough time with baby.

I was very sad at first. Speaking to friends from work (of all ages) helped so much, i found several that only breastfed for a few weeks, or didnt breastfeed their second child etc. i assumed the whole world around me breastfed, and formula was lazy. how wrong i was. and also i got chatting about it at my baby massage class and not one person breast feeds in the class. Im not saying that makes it all "ok" but i felt better i was not alone and we are not doing anything wrong.

 

[jozylynn896]

Thank you all so much. Its just I tried so hard. And in a sense I feel like my bodt failed me. Like nature was against me somehow.
My whole family ff. My and my sister were formula babies. I know Iturned out fine and its not so much that, but iI guess I would have loved for people to know I breast fed my son.

Iguess I'm just disappointed in myself. The hospital I delivered in was terrible. I remember talking to my midwife about breastfeeding and she told me "when you have Noah, make sure the doctors don'tconvince you formula is okay" she knew that they would try doing that . She also straight up told me that they didn'tagree with teens havibg babies . Boy was she tight, i asked a million times to neet with a lactation conaultant and even she blowed me off. There were a few medical students. One was an older lady and one was a young man and he was gay. They were lovely. They were studying gynecology. It wasn't even their job but THEY taught me how to get a good latch. I pretty much had no help. I never seen them again. But I can never thank themenough. The nurses would litterally giggle when I said I was going to bf. I bf for about 2weeks. And then i pumped every time I could. Then my milk just started to disappear. Now my milk is all gone. :'(

I'm not blaming them. I feel it should have just come naturally for me. I blame myself.

 

[Jendra]

It's not your fault. Without support, it's a remarkable difficult thing to do. When women are surrounded by other breastfeeding women who know how to help, yes, it's something that can come naturally. But that's not your situation. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes these things are luck of the draw.

 

[cupcaker]

Sounds like you weren't treated right bless you.

I wonder if they're rubbish because they just assume teen mums will 'pass the buck' to their own mothers/baby's grandparents regarding childcare, and hence would have to use formula. They probably assume a teen won't be interested in breastfeeding and will want family to help out a lot.

Don't feed bad. The feelings do pass as you see your baby grow up into a healthy, happy little bean.