I don't like myself right now.

[nicem815]

Today has been a hard day for me. I was stuck in the apartment with my 18 month old and I just felt like the day was dragging. I was desperately tired and overwhelmed at the amount of crap that has to be cleaned and organized. Yes, I am stuck in the apartment because I don't have a car. It's cold out here and there aren't safe sidewalks in my neighborhood....lots of busy roads. So, basically my day consisted of feeling frustrated and depressed, then feeling like a horrible mother for feeling frustrated and depressed. I love my child, why was I having such a hard time today?! The entire day I just kept having to hold my breath so I didn't yell at her for climbing on the table....the table that I need my husband to fix the leg on so I CAN MOVE THE DAMN THING. There's so many things I've been asking him to do that I just need him TO DO. He has a huge box of unsafe pipes, metal, etc that he was using for a project and doesn't need anymore. I cNt even get into the closet to hang his clothes up because of it. I've been asking him for weeks to get rid of it. But he works 12-14 hour days. Which brings me back to my original point of being stuck inside all day. I am so fearful of feeling this way with two little ones. I am grateful to be home with them but I need to be out among other people sometimes or I go crazy and get depressed. I felt like hurting myself and screaming and punching the floor because I so do not like feeling this way. I hate feeling frustrated. I hate feeling like I need my child to take a nap so I can get a break. I'm just feeling really low today and I needed to put it into words because I honestly feel like I'm losing it over here.

I did have ppd very badly after #1 and I feel like I have depression again with this pregnancy. I feel like a horrible mother and wife.

I will now go force myself to be productive.

 

[sadeyedlady]

Feel your pain love. Im in the same boat as you. GP has referred to me to a psychiatric nurse due to daily panic attacks. I think that pregnancy hormones make any underlying issues or depression so much more intense.

If you feel lile this often I strongly suggest you see someone before it gets out of hand like mine has.

Sending lots of love and positivity your way. And please vent vent and don't stop

 

[Farmgirlalee]

It's good that you are self aware of how you are feeling! When my daughter was a toddler and we only had the one car, sometimes I would go to Walmart at midnight just to get out of the house and see other humans! Is there a possibility you could get involved in a play date group and invite someone over- explaining that transportation is hard for you?

 

[xdxxtx]

This isn't easy. It gets better. Sometimes, you just have to tell yourself that you're doing all right and fake it till you make it.

 

[nicem815]

Thank you ladies. I felt like crying and like I just needed to express how I felt. Such a horrible feeling. I wish I could be naturally happy without medication.

 

[Xpecta]

I so get how you're feeling although I have 3 kids. When they're asleep I miss them, but when they're awake I'm so stressed and anxious. I'm tired all the time and can hardly do anything.

It's a really really hard thing to deal with especially even you're pregnant. I hope you feel better soon! We're here to listen to you vent!