I feel awful (long post sorry!!!)

[Snowball]

I haven't told my family yet about me and DH having another baby. The main reason is they were very ashamed when we told them about our first and although they were ok when we told them about our second there were still a lot of 'How on earth are you going to cope with two?' comments. I didn't tell my dad I was pregnant last time until I was 21 weeks!!!

My sister announced she was pregnant a couple of weeks after I got my bfp this time so I thought I'd stay quiet so everyone could get excited for her rather than piling in and stealing her thunder. I also really don't like to say anything until I've got past the first tri stage.

Anyway, she had a few cramps a couple of weeks ago so she went for a scan and saw a heartbeat. A week after she went back for another checkup and they couldn't find one. I told her not to worry as finding a heartbeat is very difficult when it's so small. She had another scan this morning and has just called me to say she's had a miscarriage She sounded ok and said she felt better knowing but I know deep down she is hurting. She really wanted another baby and obviously nobody wants to go through a miscarriage.

I now don't want to tell her about my pregnancy because I can only imagine what she is going through and I would imagine if I were in her situation the last thing I'd want to hear is of someone elses pregnancy. Obviously I can't keep it a secret forever but I am just so sad for her. How do I help her with her grief and how long hould I leave it before I tell her?

 

[The Catster]

You've done well to keep it to yourself as it is!!!!!

If you are close to your sis then just be frank with her and let her know you're expecting as you wanted her to know first and not second hand, but for her not to tell anyone else, she may then feel exclusive to your news, and really chuffed that you have confided in her, being the way your parents react.

My sis-in-law told me she was expecting 2 days after I started to have a mc. She wasn't happy about her pregnancy at first, so she was crying etc and it all became about her, and not me and the mc I was actually suffering. I am not that close to her so I just felt she was inconsiderate, and the more I think about it, the more I think it was damn right awful to do that to me at that time.

So it really depends on how your relationship is with her....and how you tell her.....

Remember both your hormones are all over the place!!!!!

 

[Serene123]

I'd give it a few weeks. Maybe take her out and tell her. I don't think she'd ever be angry with you for being pregnant, well I'd hope not anyway. You'll know when the time is right!

 

[Gabi]

Shame. What an awkward situation.

My advise would be to wait until she's feeling a bit better.

Having my DH's cousin announce her pregnancy less than a week after my mc didn't go down well and I still have very little time for her. Especially since she asked me if my maternal instincts "clicked" that there was something wrong or whether I needed the dr to tell me that.

Ok not everyone is that heartless but I'd give it a bit of time.

 

[cupcake]

Id wait til the end of the first tri, and you can blame it on that u know, just say u didnt want to tell. give her time to adjust but like u said u cant wait forever. when you tell her id sit her down nicely and say that you know hearing this cant be easy for her ,and that you want to be there for her and if she feels uncomfortable etc she should tell you. as far as ive seen from other girls threads ,she probably wont take it that well in private but im sure she will be happy for you deep down. im sorry ure in this situation and youre a good person for being so thoughtful.

 

[Ann-Marie]

My sister in law found out she was pregnant the day after me. Then she started to bleed really heavily and lost the baby 2 weeks ago. I felt really bad, but she has been sooo supportive, and I've just misscarried a twin, she's been to my scns with me, and was over the moon today to find that the other bean is fine. She wants to be involved through the pregnancy.

 

[Vickie]

I think the others have given some great advice. Wait until the first trimester is over (as that is what you are most comfortable doing anyways) and than sit down with her and explain it to her, telling her that you know that hearing this will be hard for her and you understand how she is feeling.

 

[leeanne]

I agree with the posters above about waiting until the first trimester is over. She's hurting right now and your news would more than likely not go over very well. In a little while, she will be coping better and probably more happy for you.

I feel for you to be in your situation and I admire you for holding your good fortune to yourself in a time such as this.

 

[Christina]

Wow Snowball....you are so considerate! You put you sister before yourself and that is truely amazing. I agree to give it a little more time just like the others have said. Your sister is sure to see that you are an amazing sister. I know I would!

 

[Always&4ever]

I'm sorry for your sister's loss hun , I really don't know what to suggest