I feel like a fake

[wilbrabeany]

Since we lost our baby hope on dec6th when i my waters broke at 5 months i've got through the diffuclt times and returned to work and everythings seemingly gone back to normal. But i dont feel normal. I feel like i'm havng lots of outer body experiences. I'm started my cycle again so physically we can start trying again and intend to. And mentally i had a couple of counselling sessions and talk to my mother daily and my DH has been great. I'm a strong person and ervyone tells me that and i know i'll get through this but every so often i have a little weep and feel abit down and find it really hard to talk to anyone because i can't explain how i feel so how can they understand!! How can Hubby understand me when i dont get my feelings myself. Does anyone else feel like that?

The emptyiness you feel after the baby has gone is emmnse and consumes you. i think about it daily. Iknow that all though i'm generally content and happy with all aspects of my life...i'm lucky! theres part of me that wont be happy till i'm pregnant again.

Anyway sorry to rant, i just tried to explain to DH that i was feeling a bit down(just finished a heavy period back to normal now!) about the baby, not being pregnant and feeling abit frumpy. And he went on to reply lets go to the gym more then and you do your swimming etc. I know he meant well but wasn't really the response i wanted..haha but then they cant win sometimes can they.

So i do feel like i'm being fake and telling people what they want to here even my nearest and dearest but sometimes it gets to you doesn't it?

Hope someone understands me.xxx

 

[MrsStevens76]

Oh men really don't know how to respond sometimes do they????? I know how you feel. I try to be super strong and ok for everyone else. I think when I am portraying a positive front, I start believing that I am ok with everything and not still upset about losing a baby. We try to protect the ones we love and lots of time we don't want people to know we are "weak". not that we are weak at all. I guess we are scared people will think we are weak for being down and out. I hope that you get everything you want real soon and I am so sorry for your loss. You have every right to be down and out. Good luck with your TTC journey coming up. I hope you get a sticky bean real soon.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I cant say I understand darling but I do want to send you a and say dont forget there's a loss and m/c board were there will be girls who do understand how you feel.



x

 

[wilbrabeany]

Oh men really don't know how to respond sometimes do they????? I know how you feel. I try to be super strong and ok for everyone else. I think when I am portraying a positive front, I start believing that I am ok with everything and not still upset about losing a baby. We try to protect the ones we love and lots of time we don't want people to know we are "weak". not that we are weak at all. I guess we are scared people will think we are weak for being down and out. I hope that you get everything you want real soon and I am so sorry for your loss. You have every right to be down and out. Good luck with your TTC journey coming up. I hope you get a sticky bean real soon.

Thank you. Made me cry but i guess its just hit a nerve and its a comforting when someone gets your rant. I do feel a bit sorry for my man, they're not genetically made up to understand a woman like another woman can

 

[The Catster]

I know how u feel....I had a little tear today thinking about the baby I lost last August...it was something on the telly that set me off...the baby would have been due this Wednesday the 27th...I was 13 weeks.
I don't think the emptiness will ever leave us or leave any woman who has had a mc....I spoke to so many women at work after having my mc and they all vividly re-counted their experiences with me...some of these women are 60+!!!!! Some women had still born babies...some lost one of their twins, and some had very early mcs...but all of them, still felt that they had a connection with the baby they lost as they talked about it as though it happened yesterday.....
Whether u believe in God or not, I truly believe that we will meet our Angels one day....

 

[diva4180]

I havent' been through anything of the sort but wanted to say sorry for your losses and give out some big

 

[toot]

I too know how you feel, I had a m/c in Oct and the other night I had a good cry that does help I think are husbands just want us to be are normal happy selfs again and don't really know what to say, I have snaped at mine quite a view times. My niece is pg and she is due in may I was due june,she called me the other week cause she was excited that she found out she was having a boy, I am really happy for her but I could not help my self and I just started to cry my eyes out, she did say that she was sorry and that she was not calling to rub it in my face and I know that she was not doing that but it is really hard. This board has helped me so much with other women knowing what we are all feeling. I will say prayer for you hon.

 

[Tanya819]

I haven't experienced what you've been through but I wanted to say I'm sorry. You sound like a very strong person. DHs try to help out the best they can but like the others have said, they're not woman and don't know what TTC is like through our eyes.

I hope good things come your way very soon.

 

[faith_may]

 

[giggles]

I'm so sorry... I tried to imagine how I would feel and sitting here at work ended up in tears. I really do feel for you. i wish I could put my arms around you and just squeeze you tight. You are in my prayers.

 

[jo27]

Sorry for your loss, sounds like you've got some good support, my DH would have probably said a similar thing about the gym etc when we really want them to turn round and say you look great, they just don't think the same as us. I hope you're finding it gets easier x

 

[Carolina]

im so sorry

 

[Uvlollypop]

big hugs.... i dont know if it helps but diff people react in diff ways to loss, i was convinced that my daughter was alive for months after she was stillborn....i felt like a mental case untill my doctor assured me that it was just my brains logical reaction to the huge trauma...

i wish i could help

 

[~Summer~]

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to get that sticky bean really soon.

 

[Omi]

Oh, Sweetie!

I just read your post and thouht id give you some support. I only (i know) lost my baby at six weeks which we found out at our 10 week scan, but its an awful awful thing to got through. I only had the d&c on friday and although ive been chipper all weekend..i can feel something is not right and i have been warned its normal... last night i just felt soo down and guilty for not doing what i feel i should be...

Unfortunatley my OH runs his own business and has not been able to be with me as much as he would like and in the meantime things are going to seed w/the house and me...

that makes me guilty.. i called work this morning saying i wont come in this week..that made me feel guilty.. im tired all the time..

My OH although lovely feels a bit crap about the state of the house and me and says its ok.. but i dont believe him and feel guilty. he even suggested that going back to work might help... i dont think so.

Bottom line is, try as they might they have nothing to compare it to..their minds and bodies work differently and they cant feel any of this turmoil.

Rest assured you are prefectly normal and I do believe you will feel better but to think any of us will ever forget is perhaps naive.. how can you forget something so profound that happened not just to your body, but your mind and your entire life!!!

I wish you all the best w/trying to ttc and all the best for the future. We will get there in the end!!!

 

[wilbrabeany]

Thank you everyone for you support and kind messages. I've finally let my feelings out today with a bit of a meltdown at work bit embarrassing especially now i've got big puffy eyes But i feel loads better, think i was fighting a release last night and its stupid to fight it but i am a control freak...haha. Big hugs for everyone thanks again