I feel like cutting contact

[lovejoy]

I really feel like cutting contact from my ex. He left whilst I was pregnant with our second. I didn't hear from him until he moved to another country got a whole new life and girlfriend etc. For the kids sake I thought o.k he can do weekly calls via the internet and come and visit them.

It took him almost a year to come and meet our second born. Our first is almost 3 and has started to notice her life is different to her friends, hence no daddy. He finally came to visit the kids and our 3 year old what just made up.
Anyway, it's been a little over a month since he went back to his new life again and we've heard nothing.

My oldest had a lot of trouble adjusting back after he left and was being off her food.At first I thought maybe she's just not hungary but then tantrums started and one day she burst in to tears and said daddy. That day I messaged him and gave him the heads up and just asked if he could call soon. I heard nothing, until last night.I got a lame message about how it's been really hard for him, his sorry his been so flakey ,it's his my problem and he doesn't wanna hurt the girls etc I'm sure it is hard for him, but his choice to move millions of miles away, it's not even his home country.

I should say he tried it on when he came down, a few times actually. The last time he said oh I shouldn't feel bad now(meaning he felt stupid because he has a live in girlfriend) I rejected him each time. I wish I could tell her because she's such a smug cow lol but I wouldn't.I hope his not ignoring the kids because of me.

I'm just worried about the yo yo effect on the girls. I haven't mentioned him to our eldest for awhile and she seems to have gone back to her happy self. That's why I'm thinking sod it just cut him off, his a waste of time and I shouldn't have to be chasing him to make a simple phone call. Only think is I don't want to hurt his mum and sister they are o.k.

 

[Mummy1995]

Are his mum and sister in regular contact with them? If they are and you decide to cut contact with your ex, theres no reason why they cant still have contact I would maybe tell him your concerns and how your eldest acted after he left. And tell him if he doesn't start regularly calling her up and say visit once every 6months maybe more? Then you feel it would be best for the time being to cut contact as you're worried of the psychological issues it will cause her which could very well continue into her adult life.

See how he reacts to that and take it from there. If he doesn't seem to care then it would probably be best to cut contact but if he's willing to set a regular thing up then I'd offer one last chance for your children's sake.

These men are ridiculous.. Think that them saying its been hard for them or whatever justifies them not being involved in their child's life. Just pathetic. Being a parent means putting the child first no matter what they are feeling.

Hugs mumma, you're doing a great job x

 

[lovejoy]

I sent him a message just exampling the effect its having on our eldest and that coming and going as and when is not on. I got a message back full of excuses, about how hard it is for him and his having problems bonding because he haven't been in their lives for soo long etc. Fair enough but how hard is it to make a phone call once a week? No one forced him to move so far away.

I didn't even bother to reply, just gonna leave him alone and get on with our lives without him.

 

[Mummy1995]

Completely agree! I'm sorry its come to this but I definitely think that's the best option here. Hugs x