I feel like I’m breaking

[red_head]

Sorry all I know all I do is whine constantly in here about the same things but I don’t know where else to turn. I have no one to talk to about this stuff other than my husband and I can’t keep bringing him down.
My son was born sleeping at about 17 weeks on the 25th of May (we found out he’d passed away at 16 weeks, although the scan had dated him later than we thought - by lmp it was more like 18/19 weeks so he’d been born at 20, and as he was obviously unwell it’s likelt lmp is more correct). Anyway I am desperate to get pregnant again but also terrified. I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to be working right now but instead I’m sitting here crying. I feel like I need time to get myself together get healthier and fitter - since we found out he died I’ve done nothing but comfort eat chocolate and mope around and I wasn’t small to start with. But it took us five years to have him. We’ve only been pregnant four times gay whole time. What if I stop trying and then we can’t get pregnant. My husband is older (43 this year) and I don’t want people to think he’s a grandad when the child older. I don’t want to take away the opportunity. I am so desperate to be pregnant again but I don’t ever want to go through this again. We still haven’t had post-mortem results and won’t for a couple months yet. I’m still getting faint bfps on and off. Each time my heart starts praying it’s a new pregnancy but on my head I know it isn’t. I just don’t know what to do. When will I feel okay again? When will it stop hurting so bad? How do you know when the time is right to carry on?

 

[flou]

red i am so sorry for your loss. And how you feel is perfectly understandable. I'm not sure you ever truly get over the loss of a baby but it will get easier to live with in time. Just be kind to yourself. Have you thought of having any counselling to help cope with the grief?

 

[Brightxeyes]

If you ever want to speak to someone, feel free to drop me a message at any time. I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to keep talking about the heartbreak to your partner, but you need to let things off your chest. You need to talk about it.
So if you need someone to listen, I'm here x

I can never word it right, but I heard someone say the pain will never go away, but each day the pain will become slightly less heavy to carry.

Only you can decide whether you want to keep trying. I would probably keep trying myself too. I know you've had a lot of losses, but there can still be a miracle at the end of this tunnel.

Can you speak to your GP further for more support with fertility? From what I've read on some of your posts, it doesn't sound like you're getting the support you need. Is it worth switching to another local GP or requesting a new midwife to speak to, as they really don't seem to have the right attitude xx