I feel like my heart could break

[happigail]

Can anyone relate to this and just make me feel better and in turn make my son feel better?

He is 10 years old and has severe fetal alcohol syndrome (via his biological Mother) which in turn has lead to developmental delay, he's around 5 or 6 in educational levels. So the story goes that in all these school years he has been invited to a total of 3 parties. Right now a girl in his class has invited EVERYONE in the class to her party except for my son, she has also invited the whole rest of the other year six class including my sons same age cousin. She told my son that she was inviting him and then when giving out invites to everyone else she didn't give him one and told him she had lied and he couldn't come. He is so gutted, I just don't know how to make this better and I am MAD. I am sooooo mad that I want to confront the Mother and just directly ask her: "so is it because I don't stand in the playground gossiping about other mothers with you or because you are prejudiced to people with learning disabilities that my son is not invited to your daughters party?". Should I or would I be making things worse for my son?

UGHHHHHHHHHH why does life have to be so hard for kids? Why cant we make everything better? I'm his Mum, I should be able to make everything ok, but I cant and its driving me mad

Please ANY advice would be SO appreciated.

 

[Mom23monkies]

Well Both of the schools my kids have been in there ws a general rule that if you were inviting classmates in school you had to invite the entire class!!
I think you SHOULD say something to her mother.
Try to be VERY nonconfrtontational and just say
"My son was DEVESTATED that she said this and then THIS happened. Did you KNOW that happened?"
It MAY Have been the child being a brat, but by making it sound like a child MIGHT do something like this and implying that it might have been the child, it kinda puts in her head that its is really, well, Childish and as an adult she SHOULD have been above it.
I would be LIVID personaly and I cant even try to PRETEND that I wouldent shed tears over it.
Just let us know if we need to meet you some where to "take care" of things LOL
(really just kidding as I live in the US hah)

 

[happigail]

Well Both of the schools my kids have been in there ws a general rule that if you were inviting classmates in school you had to invite the entire class!!
I think you SHOULD say something to her mother.
Try to be VERY nonconfrtontational and just say
"My son was DEVESTATED that she said this and then THIS happened. Did you KNOW that happened?"
It MAY Have been the child being a brat, but by making it sound like a child MIGHT do something like this and implying that it might have been the child, it kinda puts in her head that its is really, well, Childish and as an adult she SHOULD have been above it.
I would be LIVID personaly and I cant even try to PRETEND that I wouldent shed tears over it.
Just let us know if we need to meet you some where to "take care" of things LOL
(really just kidding as I live in the US hah)

oh thank god it's not just me. I think being non confrontational is a good idea... imply that it could all be a big misunderstanding right?? Hope I can keep my cool.

You know I'd pay for your ticket for some back up!!!!! LOL! Thank you for replying, it means a lot to hear I am not the only one who thinks this stuff is just so off.

 

[Lottie86]

That is absolutely awful. I am so upset for you and your son. What a nasty spiteful little girl I would be devastated if someone did that to Findlay when he is older Definately say something to the girls mum about it.

 

[Mom23monkies]

Well Both of the schools my kids have been in there ws a general rule that if you were inviting classmates in school you had to invite the entire class!!
I think you SHOULD say something to her mother.
Try to be VERY nonconfrtontational and just say
"My son was DEVESTATED that she said this and then THIS happened. Did you KNOW that happened?"
It MAY Have been the child being a brat, but by making it sound like a child MIGHT do something like this and implying that it might have been the child, it kinda puts in her head that its is really, well, Childish and as an adult she SHOULD have been above it.
I would be LIVID personaly and I cant even try to PRETEND that I wouldent shed tears over it.
Just let us know if we need to meet you some where to "take care" of things LOL
(really just kidding as I live in the US hah)

oh thank god it's not just me. I think being non confrontational is a good idea... imply that it could all be a big misunderstanding right?? Hope I can keep my cool.

You know I'd pay for your ticket for some back up!!!!! LOL! Thank you for replying, it means a lot to hear I am not the only one who thinks this stuff is just so off.

LOL Just let me know haha
I actually came over here from one of the other boards that you posted on
I hope that the mother had nothing to do with it.
But people never fail to shock me sometimes.
Please keep us posted and let us know how it plays out

 

[Dizzy321]

awful!! how could a mother do that!? definatly say something to her, you have a right! x

 

[Adanma]

You know I encountered this a lot while gowing up and it is very damaging to the kids. Most of the schools here do have a rule that all classmates must be invited. I would definately bring it up with the mother. Your child has the right to have a peaceful experience in school. We are having a wave of bullying inspired suicides right now in the US and it gets under my skin knowing my son (Aspergers) may be the victim of this kind of cruelty. My heart goes out to you guys and I hope something can be figured out that is positive.

Adanma

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

That's horrible!! I'd definitely say something!
This just makes me mad. There was a boy I went to school with who was severely handicapped. (I know he has MS, but he's got other things going on as well that I'm not sure about.) My mom always made me invite my entire class, which I was fine with.

Tbh, he was always the most thoughtful person out of the bunch. One year he was my lab partner (he had an in-class aid so he could do mainstream classes) and we had to study plant life and all that. Well my flowers died because I have the touch of death when it comes to plant life And for my birthday which was shortly after that he brought me a bouquet of fake flowers so I couldn't kill them

He was lucky enough to be in a class where the kids didn't really care too much that he was different. But had I have been stuck up and avoided him I would have missed out on a really good friend! So things like this really strike a cord with me.

I really hope things work out for your son and people stop being so big headed.

 

[youngmum2b]

Thats just plain spiteful imo, both my younger brothers have disabilities (although i only have contact with one as the others in care due to his mother being a spiteful, disgusting b***h) i've had many arguements with parents cos everyone but him had been invited to parties, i remember being sent to the headteacher cos i told a mother that her daughter was a stuck up b***h n so was she 'hehe' needless to say i got what i wanted out of it even if it was solely down to kids being scared of me. I made damn sure that he was treated the same way as everyone else.
G has autism n C has seraple palsee (sp). C is in care .

Id deffo speak to the girls mother about it as no child should be made to feel different in any way

 

[happigail]

Thank you so much guys, your support means the world to me. I don't know why but I never thought of a forum situation to discuss the issues of raising my son... I've been alone in this for 8 years, its amazing to get feedback. Thank you x

Right now my brother (the father of the cousin who is invited) is saying that he would rather his son didn't go, seeing as mine has been left out and that he wants to take them to the cinema for a 'boys night'. it will be so good to say to them, he didn't want to go anyway, had better things planned!

 

[kelzyboo]

What a horrible little girl, you should deffinately say something its so unfair and i hope the mother knew nothing about it!

children can be very nasty and spiteful to each other even when there are no differences between them, it sounds as if your raising your son to be happy and all that he can be, no matter what difficulties he may have. He knows he has his family and in the end that will count for far more than a nasty little girl at school, who if she behaves like that will have no friends left.

take care xx

 

[Mrs-C]

I feel awful for you both. Kids just don't understand. My mum once said to me she was really proud when I took a spellathon test at 10 and when she asked how I did I told her I got 100%, but that I felt sorry for the boy in our class who did badly and the others picked on him. I remember feeling genuinely bad for him, he had learning difficulties and was behind the rest of us. She was prouder that I felt for the boy's feelings more than that I had done well.

I remember real cliques at school and being left out often. I think the idea that the school say all the class has to be invited is a good way of combating the issue. I hope I can encourage our children to include everyone and not to exclude anyone who is different, for whatever reason.

I think the support of your brother is lovely and that them doing their own thing would be a good two fingers up.

 

[hopeandpray]

it must be heartbreaking seeing your son's feelings being hurt. I think you do need to set the record straight, maybe the other parents think that for some reason your son wouldn't want or be able to participate, maybe present it that way to the mother, that she misunderstood so she doesn't feel attacked

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

That's good that your brother is taking them out for a boy's night instead. I hope they have fun!

 

[lichunda1980]

so terrible！！！

 

[Vickieh1981]

That makes me want to cry reading that and he is not even my son

I hate that Andrew gets left out because he has aspergers. It's heartbreaking when someone hurts your child isn't it?

 

[velvetina]

Kids are just so cruel sometimes, I am so sorry, I so hear your frustration, sadness and anger. As if being in the world of special needs isn't hard enough, crap like this is such an emotional pull.

I hope both boys have a good night out and word gets back to the mum and she has the grace to speak with you.

 

[happygirl666]

people are scaired of things they do not understand speak to the cow it is stupid people need to be more open minded

 

[Newt]

this is something I worry about for my sons future too, I am sorry he is being left out, what an aweful situation

 

[Weezie123]

I have no personal experience with this but my gut would tell me to let my brother take the kids out. It probably won't be fun for your son to go to the party even if he got invited now. I would still say something to the mother though to let her know how hurtful it was, but as others have said make it non confrontational. Then maybe invite some of his friends over another weekend so he can see that he is not alone. This can happen with children but the parents should take responsibiliy and prevent it. Maybe also speak to his teacher so she can keep an eye out that no more bullying is coming from this girl. I'm sure you do already but the best way to protect your child is to boost his self esteem. This makes me so mad.