I feel rubish!

[MissBabyFace]

I know this isnt the place to just vent but I need to

Nearlly 6 months ago I miscarried at around 11weeks. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced and it was a horrible miscarriage too. I started bleeding on the 3rd of December only a bit of blood though but lots of clots so we hurried down to the hospital where they said that if I was miscarrying nothing can be done anyway and because it was a Friday there were MORE important issues going on down A&E.

I headed home in a bit of a daze, my bleeding started to lessen a little and felt a little confident, I just thought I'd be one of those women who bleed in early pregnancy but EVERYTHING is fine in the end. It wasnt, I woke on the 4th to extreme bleeding and extreme cramps around 2pm in the afternoon I passed my baby, yes my baby I wiped and it was just there in an unbroken bubble my child with such a huge heart and I mean it was huge it was the most horrible thing I've ever seen and will ever see. Naturally I broke down in tears, I tried to get in contact with my Dr, my midwife, the hospital but no one... I was in so much pain at times I couldnt even stand because of the pains shooting up from my thighs right up into the top of stomach and inside me.

Finally I got through to them Sunday after 2 days into my miscarriage to all I got was "sorry to hear that" I was upset, depressed and hell yeah I was fucking angry too. This was my first pregnancy and my first loss and their to busy to answer the phone to a women whos miscarrying her child? I finally got seen on Tuesday afternoon and had a scan to confirm that my body had "flushed" my baby out and my uterus was behaving now like it was on a period.

My point is I was depressed as hell then and I still am now it's been half of a year my due date is approaching 20th of July and my cousin is due that date too which makes it ten times worse because I'm going to have to see the baby in her arms knowing I should have my baby in my arms too. I'm sorry about venting here and writeing big graphical details about my miscarriage but I just need to talk to someone, my OH doesnt understand what it's like to bond with a child inside you and you do bond although I only did for around 11 weeks. Although my mum had many miscarriages she doesnt understand she's made herself into a hard rock and doesnt remember what it feels like to be newly pregnant and then have a miscarriage on your first pregnancy and my friends are still in college or chasing guys or doing drugs etc I just don't know what to do anymore

 

[sunnysun]

So sorry for what you've gone through and still going through babyface.
The doc should have helped you, losing so much blood can be really dangerous, you could have passed out and in risk of having a blood transfution.

Some people can be really insestive about it and you don't deserve this at this time.

I am so sorry for your loss, take your time to grieve the loss, I miscarried in Jan this year and going through another one at the moment.

 

[KateC]

I'm so sorry. I sometimes feel, too, that doctors brush off miscarriages. On an intellectual level I know it's because they're busy and know that there's nothing they can do, it's already happened, but on an emotional level it is very rough. Their sympathies seem so rehearsed and plastered on.

I think that even though this happened a while ago, you still have some processing to do. Can you seek out support from somewhere you haven't looked yet? I know that finding another friend who also had a miscarriage was SO important to my own recovery. Women like us are everywhere, they just don't talk about it. So next time someone asks you how you're doing, say, "I'm not doing too well. I've been depressed ever since my miscarriage." It might feel awkward to say something so honest, but if you're honest and open, eventually you're going to find someone who says, "I am so sorry, I have been there. I know exactly what that feels like." And that's how you build yourself a support group. Because, really, often our men just can't understand this, and they spend up all the energy they have on trying to help us in the limited ways they know how, but it's just not enough. You need broader support than OH can offer right now.

You could also try calling your hospital and asking if there's a mc support group nearby. My hospital has one. I haven't attended, but it sounds like a good place to start for someone like you.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. Take care of yourself in body and your mind will benefit. Eat well, exercise, get out in the fresh air, and find friends to talk to both for comfort and for distraction. I hope that you can begin feeling your healing soon.

 

[thelifeofmatt]

Aww I am so sorry! I just would like to offer my words of support! I am not to knowledgeable on the subject but I do understand the emotional toll you must be going through. Keep your chin up!

 

[Nat0619]

I am so sorry for how you're feeling hun .

I am constantly amazed when I read so many stories of completely insensitive doctors and nurses. I know these people are very, very busy but, to me, you should not be in a job like this unless you have a caring and understanding nature . That should be a huge part of the job in my opinion. Miscarriage may well be very common and they may well see it every day and it is true that if it is going to happen it cannot be stopped. But this is losing a child for god's sake! Children that are sooo loved and wanted way before they are born and children that the parents are planning a future for. Doctors, nurses, midwives etc need to realise this and treat ladies who have miscarriages with a lot more understanding.

A friend of mine was saying only the same when I met with her last week - she had a mc at around 12 weeks a few years ago. She was saying how cold she felt it was that you never hear anything from your midwife or GP when you suffer a mc and that it would be nice if they just thought to give you a quick call to say they were sorry and check you were ok. Just one quick call. But it seems that, in these days of cost cutting and staff cutting, this is simply too much to ask.

Sorry rant over.

I will say though that I was lucky enough to be cared for by a fantastic nurse whilst I was in hospital having my medical management at the end of April. She was the nurse on duty overnight and was just so caring and lovely. She was exactly how I thought every nurse should be. If she can be like that when she is just as busy as the others, and working the night shift which must surely be the worst, then why can't the others too??

x

 

[sunnysun]

I voted 4-6 months after the miscarriage, cause that's what happened to me but it turned out that I am having a second miscarriage...

Good luck with you TTC!