I feel SO disconnected with my fiancé..

[Ashley1021]

I thought being pregnant would bring us really close together, and I was so excited for that! We never had distance issues before becoming pregnant.. I just feel like I'm the last thing on his mind. Today is his day off from work, and I've spoken to him once, he went to the auto parts store, and had now been working on a project with that car that he said would take "five minutes" he has another job he has to leave for in fourty five minutes.. And he promised to spend some time with me today. Yesterday we agreed to stay in because I'm exhausted, and just wanted to watch a movie, as we went out the night before, but he demanded we go out with a couple friends.. So I drug myself around the smoke filled casino to try and spend some time with him, but I just feel SO disconnected, and today hasn't helped. He works all week, so I'll see him in the evenings for about an hour and a half before I head to bed.. I just don't know what to do anymore, as I feel so alone.. It's not that he's not supportive, he will rub my tummy every once in a while and stuff.. I don't know, I just don't feel as connected and "in love" as I was before being pregnant..

 

[greenpear]

Pregnancy brings all sorts of emotions, many of them quite intense and because we are so much more tired than before, we feel even more upset when things less than ideal happen to us.

It was pretty inconsiderate of your fiancé to promise you to spend time with you and stay in, and after that change his mind knowing that you are tired and pregnant. At the same time you went along and now are feeling even more frustrated and unhappy because you ended up pushing yourself beyond what you felt you could do, and only felt resentful of his actions after. With my fist pregnancy I was a bit like that too. Hubby didn't "get it" for the lack of better word that I needed more attention/affection and that my energy level and pace of life had somehow changed. He'd leave me 6 nights out of 7 alone, either going to gym or hanging out with buddies that I didn't feel like hanging out with because they are his drinking buddies. I didn't say anything and resentment built up till one day I just blew up and it was ugly and painful to heal. It took us a good half a year to sort things out, and stress of having a newborn did not help. Luckily we worked through things and are in a much better place right now.

What I learned is that you can't hold things in when something that upsets you happens (within reason). If he promised something to you and decided to back out, it's best to approach this rather than go along with his new plans if you feel you are simply too tired to do so. This way you can sort things out in calm manner before things get to the point where you are crying or are very angry. Just letting him know how you feel and reminding him about his promise may be enough.

As a man he'll never get it about how hard it is to be pregnant, but he can learn to listen to your needs if he loves you, and it sounds like you are trying to be flexible and supportive for him, so it's not too much to ask for him to be supportive of you and to compromise.

I wish you good luck and hope that things will resolve for the best

 

[LorraineMM]

Like me my partner has always grown up seeing his friends constantly. His friends are immature don't treat girl's right and are into the lad life. My partner wanted his own place and a family. Which he now has. But he's been trying to keep up with his friends too. Which leaves me alone quite alot during week and weekends and he doesn't even tell me when he's coming Home and I often wake-up so worried to an empty bed. Well I left one eve to my mum's without telling him he came home and was panicing so much, hopefully I thought he'd learnt his lesson. He said after our talk and he thought things over that he gets it now. And he will spend more time at home. Just irritated the heck out of me as it was him that suggested we try for a family in the first place. I came round to the idea and he sods off all week while I'm stuck home. Men for you lol glad he realized his ways before I started to resent him for it.