angelstardust
mother of 3
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- Jan 14, 2009
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I have just made the decision to have a termination. My history is that I have two boys and in both pregnancies I developed pre ecclampsia. DS1 was induced at 35 weeks after my BP shot up at 33 weeks and DS2 was an emergency c section at 33 weeks when I had a placentral abruption (placenta peels away from the uterus wall). My BP was high all the way through that pregnancy with protein and sever swelling appearing at 31 weeks. I lost a huge amount of blood and needed transfusions, I developed HELLP ( I only found out about that today) and ecclmpsia. DS2 has cerbral palsy because of it. I was told that another child would be suicide, the doctor had no idea how I lived through it, but I did, and although I had some post traumatic stress, I got through it and moved on. I had a minera coil inserted as contraception and things had been fine for 3 and a half years.
Last week, on wednesday I took a pregnancy test as I was 2 weeks late, sickly, and basically felt pregnat. It was positive, actually 3 were positive. I went to my GP who sent me to the EPAS for a scan to find out if the coil was there or not as that was the imediate threat. It's a new maternity hospital so they didnt have my records and I had to wait a week till today to speak to the consultant about this suprise pregnancy.
During that week I started to hope and dream and stupid stupid me even did these silly gender charts that predicted a girl, and I started to look at cots and think about names, all the while knowing that the Consultant was going to say that it's a huge risk to continue this pregnancy. In my head I have even picked a name, Bethany. Even my DH started to drop random comments about what it's going to be like to have 3 kids in the house.
Then today, hearing the same consultant who delivered DS2 say that I was almost certain to get pre ecclampsia again, probably earlier and the risk of another abruption, again probably earlier, and that it was a year for my BP to go back to normal last time and what HELLP and abruptions and my clotting factors being so low (they are usually at 500, mine were at 6 at one point), do to yoru body. As well as explaining that babies usually don't survive (DS2 was very very lucky, most babies in his situation do not survive)
It was horrible. He could not say outright that he thinks its a bad idea, but he certainly stressed the point enough so that we could read between the lines. In his words, 'Its a case of weighing up your family's situation at the moment, where you are in your life, your health right now, your two children and your husband who would be left behind, and making a decision.' In a nut shell, stay pregnant and you will probably die.
So, we made the decision that we will be having a termination. And I cant help but look at pictures of 7 week babies, they have eyes and hands and feet and hearts and I'm going to kill one. All these people having mc's and I'm choosing to do this. I know its the right thing to do for my family but I hate it. How could my body go and loose a coil and get pregnant and give me all this heart ache? Why is it so bloody crap at having babies? It's not fair. I don't even know if this is the right forum or not, sorry if I have upset anyone.
Last week, on wednesday I took a pregnancy test as I was 2 weeks late, sickly, and basically felt pregnat. It was positive, actually 3 were positive. I went to my GP who sent me to the EPAS for a scan to find out if the coil was there or not as that was the imediate threat. It's a new maternity hospital so they didnt have my records and I had to wait a week till today to speak to the consultant about this suprise pregnancy.
During that week I started to hope and dream and stupid stupid me even did these silly gender charts that predicted a girl, and I started to look at cots and think about names, all the while knowing that the Consultant was going to say that it's a huge risk to continue this pregnancy. In my head I have even picked a name, Bethany. Even my DH started to drop random comments about what it's going to be like to have 3 kids in the house.
Then today, hearing the same consultant who delivered DS2 say that I was almost certain to get pre ecclampsia again, probably earlier and the risk of another abruption, again probably earlier, and that it was a year for my BP to go back to normal last time and what HELLP and abruptions and my clotting factors being so low (they are usually at 500, mine were at 6 at one point), do to yoru body. As well as explaining that babies usually don't survive (DS2 was very very lucky, most babies in his situation do not survive)
It was horrible. He could not say outright that he thinks its a bad idea, but he certainly stressed the point enough so that we could read between the lines. In his words, 'Its a case of weighing up your family's situation at the moment, where you are in your life, your health right now, your two children and your husband who would be left behind, and making a decision.' In a nut shell, stay pregnant and you will probably die.
So, we made the decision that we will be having a termination. And I cant help but look at pictures of 7 week babies, they have eyes and hands and feet and hearts and I'm going to kill one. All these people having mc's and I'm choosing to do this. I know its the right thing to do for my family but I hate it. How could my body go and loose a coil and get pregnant and give me all this heart ache? Why is it so bloody crap at having babies? It's not fair. I don't even know if this is the right forum or not, sorry if I have upset anyone.
my thoughts are with you
