baby_nurse
Mummy to 1 little boy
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2011
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Hi guys I apologize in advance if this is a bit long and rambling I feel in a bit of a bad place at the mo.
At bit of back story, I have been TTC since August this year and since coming of BCP have been having a bit of trouble with my cycles (long and anovulatory). Anyway Wednesday 16th just gone on CD 24 I FINALLY ovulated much to my joy and disbelief. For once my chart is looking like all the ones I envy on here...high temps finally, and I'm in a 2WW for the first time ever, which should be an exciting time for me. I know my chances of getting pregnant are slim but like all you ladies out there you hope wish and pray that this is the month. I lay in bed that night after BDing with my hand on my tummy praying for for a sticky bean like I'm sure many of you have.... however... all of this exploded in my face the very next day.
The next day I found out that my best friend, who was full term, had gone in for a induction. Tuesday night her baby had been healthy and moving...Thursday morning... he was gone. She's had a sleeping angel this weekend called Noel. We are all devastated for them....I genuinely can't find the words to express how sorry and sad I feel for her and her husband. I feel numb and in shock myself and have cried many tears this weekend for her poor angel baby and for her. She will never be the same again and this will probably be the most testing time of her life. It goes without saying that I will try my upmost to be there for her as much as I can and support her through this difficult time.
But I also feel so so incredibly guilty and selfish and like the most awful friend ever...because I still want my BFP so so bad.... I know this makes me a terrible terrible friend. If I was a good friend I'd put my TTC on hold and not wish for me to get pregnant because me getting pregnant is going to break her heart isn't it...and I know it will...yet I still want my bean to stick ... I feel torn and eaten up with grief and sorrow but also like I'm a terrible person for wanting this. As I lay in bed wanting my bean to stick she was losing her beautiful baby and I feel partiality to blame.
I don't know how to think or feel... I don't feel I can talk to anyone (not even my husband) about this incase he thinks I'm selfish and horrible... please can anyone offer me any words even if they are "yes you are selfish!" so I can just try and get through this.
Many thanks xx
At bit of back story, I have been TTC since August this year and since coming of BCP have been having a bit of trouble with my cycles (long and anovulatory). Anyway Wednesday 16th just gone on CD 24 I FINALLY ovulated much to my joy and disbelief. For once my chart is looking like all the ones I envy on here...high temps finally, and I'm in a 2WW for the first time ever, which should be an exciting time for me. I know my chances of getting pregnant are slim but like all you ladies out there you hope wish and pray that this is the month. I lay in bed that night after BDing with my hand on my tummy praying for for a sticky bean like I'm sure many of you have.... however... all of this exploded in my face the very next day.
The next day I found out that my best friend, who was full term, had gone in for a induction. Tuesday night her baby had been healthy and moving...Thursday morning... he was gone. She's had a sleeping angel this weekend called Noel. We are all devastated for them....I genuinely can't find the words to express how sorry and sad I feel for her and her husband. I feel numb and in shock myself and have cried many tears this weekend for her poor angel baby and for her. She will never be the same again and this will probably be the most testing time of her life. It goes without saying that I will try my upmost to be there for her as much as I can and support her through this difficult time.
But I also feel so so incredibly guilty and selfish and like the most awful friend ever...because I still want my BFP so so bad.... I know this makes me a terrible terrible friend. If I was a good friend I'd put my TTC on hold and not wish for me to get pregnant because me getting pregnant is going to break her heart isn't it...and I know it will...yet I still want my bean to stick ... I feel torn and eaten up with grief and sorrow but also like I'm a terrible person for wanting this. As I lay in bed wanting my bean to stick she was losing her beautiful baby and I feel partiality to blame.
I don't know how to think or feel... I don't feel I can talk to anyone (not even my husband) about this incase he thinks I'm selfish and horrible... please can anyone offer me any words even if they are "yes you are selfish!" so I can just try and get through this.
Many thanks xx