I feel so mean for feeling like this :(

[katy1310]

I hope nobody is going to judge me for this....but I know you're all lovely in this section and I'm sure you won't judge.

My mum just phoned and told me that my brother and sister-in-law are having another baby. They have one LO already who was 3 in December.

Instead of feeling excited at being an auntie again, and happy for them, a huge part of me is feeling really upset at the thought of watching SIL go through what will most likely be another fullterm healthy pregnancy, and having another baby which is something I'm not sure we'll ever dare do.

We always planned to have 2 children, and it kind of feels like they're getting what we want and we won't be able to - does that make sense?

We're still hoping we'll be able to have another baby, and hopefully going to start thinking about it next year, but I just feel so bleugh at the thought that we might not be able to when they are. I so desperately want another baby....

I know I shouldn't feel like that but as soon as I was told about it, all the old feelings came back, and I burst into tears on DH as soon as I came off the phone!

It's not so hard when it's friends having babies, but I think it's just a bit too close to home, and maybe with my parents being grandparents again. I don't know.

Ah well, I've got until July to get my head round it. I feel so selfish though Is this something anyone else can identify with?

 

[Littlemo]

110% identify with u , please don't feel bad , I feel the same ! I get really Jealous of people who are having babies. I fort it would stop when I had my babies but it never , we tried for 7 years too get preg we finally had ivf which worked but I lost the baby at 10 weeks found out at my 13 week can. We waited a year and had ivf again , again so lucky it worked ! This time with twins ! We later found out it was a boy and girl could not get any better till a few weeks later when we found out my baby girl may not make it, I had my babies at 27 weeks and my little lady never made it 9 long weeks in nicu and my little man came home. ! All around me friends family are all having babies and I feel jealous even thou I just had a baby ! Its stupid but Its true ! After all we been thu its only normal to feel that way ! I feel like my pregnancy was sort of robbed and that people brezze thu there's and dot know how lucky they are........I am happy for anyone who has a baby I really am but always feel like ' I want that to be me' it is hard to explain but I know what u mean ..... So don't feel mean I feel the same hope things work out for u xxx

 

[katy1310]

110% identify with u , please don't feel bad , I feel the same ! I get really Jealous of people who are having babies. I fort it would stop when I had my babies but it never , we tried for 7 years too get preg we finally had ivf which worked but I lost the baby at 10 weeks found out at my 13 week can. We waited a year and had ivf again , again so lucky it worked ! This time with twins ! We later found out it was a boy and girl could not get any better till a few weeks later when we found out my baby girl may not make it, I had my babies at 27 weeks and my little lady never made it 9 long weeks in nicu and my little man came home. ! All around me friends family are all having babies and I feel jealous even thou I just had a baby ! Its stupid but Its true ! After all we been thu its only normal to feel that way ! I feel like my pregnancy was sort of robbed and that people brezze thu there's and dot know how lucky they are........I am happy for anyone who has a baby I really am but always feel like ' I want that to be me' it is hard to explain but I know what u mean ..... So don't feel mean I feel the same hope things work out for u xxx

Thank you so much, although I don't want anyone to feel this way, I'm glad it's not just me, if that makes sense! Sorry to hear you had such a hard time xxx

 

[25weeker]

I struggle to hear about 2nd pregnancies as well without feeling sad. Like you we are debating about having a 2nd pregnancy and not sure if we can take the risk. Its so hard because if Rebecca had survived it wouldn't be a decision I would have had to make. Even if we do try I know the whole pregnancy will be so stressful. Having a prem takes away all the expectations we originally had when we thought the first trimester was the time when things go wrong. If only we could get some of them expectations back!

 

[bob2331]

Your not alone, not at all.

Every time i hear that a friend is pregnant, i have a feeling of jealously, i know that they are going to to have the healthly ful term pregnancy and get to bring their baby home the next day. Even before the boys i felt like this, we tried so had to fall pregnant and in the end we needed IVF. I had a really close friend who told me whilst we were still trying that after a one night stand she as pregnant, dont get me wrong, i didnt judge her at all about the one night stand but i did about her getting pregnant, how was that fair! In the end, it ate away at me and slowly we just grew apart, i found it too hard to be around her, i know so selfish. I saw her once after she had her little girl but thats it. She then came back in to my life when she heard about Connor, so 3 days after i held my boy for the last time she came back in my life and i was so happy, fast forward two years, she has just told me again that she is pregnant (again with a one night stand (i know that doesnt have any refevence but its hurts) the worse part is she is due the same day my boys were due. I wouldnt wish anything that we went through on her or her baby but i know she will have a ahealthy pregnacy, she will go full term, i feel like im going to living what should have been my pregnancy through her and im scared already that i wont be able to cope with it.

I hope in time it gets easier and when the time comes for you to try again, heres hoping for a overdue 10lb xxx

 

[Lottie86]

You are most certainly not alone

I *hate* pregnant people!! Unless someone is a preemie mummy, an angel mummy or the mummy of a child with special needs I cannot be happy for them, I'm just jealous and resentful. I know it is not their fault they have healthy full term pregnancies but it doesn't stop the way I feel. Everyone around me seems to get what I want more than anything in the world but will never ever have, a term healthy baby.

Half of the nurses on Iona's ward are off on maternity leave and coming back soon so the place will be full of baby gossip no doubt and a fair few nurses are pregnant at the minute so I have got bumps shoved in my face at about 60% of shifts. The nurse looking after her every night this week is 36 weeks and therefore huge and it's killing me.

 

[vermeil]

I also feel exactly the same way, i think everyone here does, please don`t berate yourself! Just reading the replies made me teary eyed. Bringing our son into this world was sooooooooo hard, a hell I wouldn`t wish on anyone. And now we`re starting ttc #2, I know rationally it might take some time (as it did with the first) but I get soooo upset when I see bumps, baby talk and see other glide through happy, normal pregnancies and births.

What irks me the most is when (rant incoming you are warned )

-people complain about the pettiest, stupidest stuff. The other day in the doctor`s waiting room (to discuss the possible #2, odds of having another preemie etc - fun stuff) the woman next to me was 30+ weeks pregnant. She moaned and lamented for an HOUR on how her feet were so ugly because they were swollen (clue lots of internal eyerolling from me), how she could no longer wear her pretty red shoes, how she just wanted this baby to come out already etc etc. I tried to think of a polite reply (I was soooo upset!!) but didn`t say anything and oddly enough now I regret it.

-people worry about the most insignificant stuff. Like mother fretting that their little darling didn`t eat any vegetable that day, or didn`t wear the proper socks! Or their nursery furniture doesn`t quite match oh no!! Upon reading the news I saw a disturbing picture of the irak war, where a 2 year old is clutching for dear life to his dad who`s just been arrested, he`s clearly been crying for a while, it broke my heart. My son had a major procedure done with a 80% survival rate. Wow that`s great! I thought to myself, he`ll be fine! I was overjoyed! Most people thought I was nuts. Well he had survived much worse odds than that I`d reply.

-people disapointed their birth wasn`t picture perfect because some tiny element didn`t go as planned so after they complain about it for days and weeks. gaaaah that one particularly drives me bonkers

I could go on and on... Funny how having a preemie totally redefines your priorities and perspective. Add me to the 'cant stand normal pregnancy idle chatter' club.

 

[AP]

oh katy i know exactly where you are coming from! My heart ached when I discovered my best friend was pregnant (it didnt last forever because i found out T was growing...) but god.... its a feeling i just couldnt shrug off right away I do sometimes feel it even now, although I have our FT blessing it doesnt take away or change the Alex journey and I am still bitter

 

[PoodleMommy]

Although I don't know yet how premature my baby will be (I have preeclampsia and it's a day-by-day thing -- praying I make it to 30 weeks), I can relate to this. We have been trying for a baby since we were married 9 years ago. We've had six devastating miscarriages... no surviving children yet... finally thought everything had turned around for us when we conceived again at age 40, only to learn of my high preeclampsia risk which did indeed rear its ugly head. So now I have to pray the baby won't die from a placental abruption or that my organs won't shut down too quickly, as I spend the rest of the pregnancy in the hospital.

The idea that some women have normal pregnancies with a healthy full-term baby at the end of it seems like a miracle to me. Yes, I am jealous of them and it angers me to hear women complain about something I have longed for for years and will probably never have.

 

[DollPosse]

All my pregnancies will most likely end with preemies due to a few factors.

I do get envious of other women and their pregnancies. I would love not to be horribly ill or be on bed rest for most of my pregnancies. I know so many women who who have what seems like easy breezy pregnancies. Very little morning sickness, they can pretty much carry on what they like to do. They have healthy full-term babies with no special issues. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I must be doing wrong because why can't it be that "easy" for me.

I suspect this will be my last pregnancy because I can't take care of my family like it needs when I have so many issues while pregnant. When things were looking better with this pregnancy and I was told that my doctor thought I would make it to full-term I was so happy. Now it is looking like I will deliver early again. I get this feeling. I try not to dwell on it but sometimes I throw myself a a small pity party for one.

 

[SabrinaKat]

I'm jealous of the other preemie mommies who are taking their babies home!

My pregnancy was ok until 32wks and then hypertension and extremely swollen everything (ankles, legs, knees, lady bits, face....) with extreme breathlessness (couldn't walk more than 10 feet without having an asthma attack (had had asthma years ago, only came back around wk35 and is almost gone now!), and when pre-eclampsia was diagnosed at 36wks, I was grateful to my ob/gyn who decided that baby was coming that day (see below).

He is fine, I am okay, but I don't think I could handle another pregnancy. At my age (44), don't think it would happen again, so am grateful that he seems healthy and hopefully will come home in the next few days.

I do notice other parents with their two, three, four, etc., children and know that Finn will probably be an only child, but that's okay. I guess that since I never thought I would have my own child, I am so happy with him, but a part of me wonders if I hadn't listened to the doctors (PCOS/underactive thyroid), would we have had other children if we had started earlier (I've known my husband for over ten years!)....

I guess I'm just grateful that Finn is here, but will always wonder....

best wishes

 

[katy1310]

Thank you everybody, and to you all.

My brother and SIL have just been up for a few days. She's not showing very much yet but it was still hard seeing a little bump. We also had to look out the moses basket, swing, bouncy chair etc that they lent us for Sophie, so that was quite hard.

Lottie, that's so difficult for you seeing so many nurses pregnant. One of the midwives when I had Sophie was pregnant and I struggled with that, also the wife of one of the neonatal nurses had a baby while Sophie was still in intensive care, and all the nurses were talking about it the day he was born. His daddy brought him in one day, and I so wanted that to be us, going around with a newborn in a carseat!

DollPosse, I hope LO stays inside a while longer yet.

xx