I got the how's the new baby question.

[yazoo]

So, today was my first day going to the local shop on my own. I was nervous but thought ok I can do this. No-one has ever said anything to me anytime I was in with OH or DD so I said I'd chance it.

All was going well and I got to the check out and the lady said really happily "how's the new baby doing?". I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I really didn't know what to say. How could I explain this to a lady that I didn't know personally but only knew to say hello to and there was loads of people behind me at the checkout. I think I replied I don't have a baby and she said oh was it your sister that was pregnant?

My face was bright red at this stage and I said no it was me but I lost the baby. The poor girl. I could tell she wanted the ground to swallow her too and she kept saying sorry. I told her it was ok and quickly got my things and left. It was really really awful. My legs were like jelly, my heart was racing and I was bright red. I got to the car and nearly hit into a pole then reversing out. lol.

That question was the reason I refused to go the shop on my own and the day I felt brave enough to go I was asked it. I think this will set me back massively as I'm so afraid of being asked it again.

I also feel so so bad about saying I don't have a baby. How could I say that? I did have a baby but he died and I feel like I have let him down.

 

[Hellylou]

Oh, how awful. You poor thing.

It really makes me wonder why people ask questions like that. Maybe it's because I am more sensitive to loss now, but I would never ask a lady I knew was pregnant some time ago about her baby unless I saw her out with it, or knew for sure she'd had it and everything was fine. There are just too many sad situations out there, and when you only know someone to say hello to, it's a very personal question anyway.

Still, that was a horrible moment for you (and for that lady - maybe she will be a bit more discreet in future). I hope it hasn't set you back too much, and hopefully it wont happen again.

 

[SassyLou]

 

[mhazzab]

oh I'm really sorry that sounds awful! Something similar happened to me one of the first times I was out alone, the situation kind of snowballed out of control and I ended up feeling guilty for making the girl feel uncomfortable! And the same thing happened to OH the other day.

Don't feel guilty for saying you didn't have a baby, I think sometimes, well, me anyway, I do whatever I can to end the conversation as quickly as possible, I probably would have said the same thing, hoping that the woman would just say no more. I think, with people you don't really know, there's no need to get into a whole conversation about what happened. You and the people who are important to you, know about your son, and that's all that matters.

he knows you love him, please don't feel guilty xxx

 

[KamIAm]

Oh Sweetie Don't you ever feel as you let your lil one down... Ever ... I think we all have said those exact words in those kind of situations... Be gentle on yourself sweets

I absolutely hate "this" has happened to you!! Yes, this may knock you for a loop for a bit and that is ok, just know you will be ok and you reacted just as I would have....

You are such a strong, brave mom... It's soo good you went to the shop alone, great first step!!!!

Hugs and loves to you!!!

 

[winterwonder]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but dont feel like you let your baby down, you didn't it was a difficult situation and you dealt with the best you could.

My Oh had the same thing happen to him, some one asked if he was getting excited about the baby coming, and he had to explain what had happened, which i think made him feel pretty poo.

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh hun, how awful for you. This was the exact thing I was afraid of going out and back to work and it has happened a couple of times now. I was the same as you, didn't know what to say and felt bad that I played it down to stop the conversation. It's rotten and don't feel guilty, your son knows how loved he is, you just don't need to be telling the whole story to people in shops.

The second time was easier, I sort of knew what to say a bit better and the man in question was lovely and gave me a huge hug. Well done on taking that first step, it is really hard and I'm sorry again this happened. Huge hugs xxx

 

[kandyfloss]

xx

 

[yazoo]

Thank you girls for your lovely replies. You have made me feel less guilty about what I said. I know I did say "I don't have a baby" hoping that she would not ask anymore but I did feel so bad yesterday and had a horrible day. The tears wouldn't stop but i am better today having read your replies and getting reassurance from my OH.

Its awful that these sort of things happen to us. I just wish we all ahd good news to tell people. I would be 32 weeks pregnant today and should be buying baby stuff but instead I am buying things for my baby's grave.

Thank you again. You are such a lovely lot and I am so glad that I have you to share things with.

 

[jaykay]

Hi,

The same thing happened to me recently. I'm a teacher, and at the end of last term in July, I told my class I was pregnant. When I first went back to work after losing Alex, I went out onto the playground, to face the parents of the children from my last class, asking 'What did you have'. I had no choice but to tell them the truth, luckily, I was having a 'brave' day and didn't break down. Later in the playground, I also had some of the children from my old class asking if I'd had my baby. I pretended I hadn't heard them, what do you say to a 6 year old!! It's hard to explain to children what has happened when you don't understand yourself

I really hope you aren't put into that situation again hun, take care xx

 

[yazoo]

Hi Jaykay. I am so sorry that baby Alex has become an angel. I love that name too. Aww that must have been awful for you having to deal with school parents & also their children coz as you said its hard to explain to small children how and why these things happen.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry that happened, it is terrible I know
I get scared when people ask me because I can't help it I start to cry when i have to explain I know people don't know but I try to get out of the situation as fast as I can, I can't talk about it still 7 months later
XOXOX Thinking of you

 

[yazoo]

What you said about getting out of the situation as fast as possible is so true. I thought I couldn't get out of there quick enough.

Thank you for your thoughts hun.