I hate being in limbo

[LynAnne]

As the title says, I feel like I'm in limbo with WTT and I absolutely hate it.

Our main reason for waiting is that DH still doesn't feel ready to be a dad quite yet. It's a huge responsibility and, understandably, it scares him. We finally have our finances (sort of) sorted and whilst some months will be tough we'll absolutely manage once baby eventually comes along. How we would afford a LO had been a worry and excuse for a long time but now that we are on top of it I'm just waiting for DH to give us the go ahead.

He says we'll be TTC this year but that's as much as he tells me. Some days he hints that it'll be in the next couple of month and then others he tells me that he just isn't ready. The other day he told me "fairly soon" and that he reckons I'll be pregnant by the end of the year at the very least. But last night he told me it'd be "sometime this year." So where does that leave me? A possible date of TTC somewhere between March and November?! I'd at least like to know when!

The thing that drives me absolutely crazy is that after years of avoiding the topic he's the one to initiate them now, talking about names and what we'll do "when the baby arrives" which totally just gets my hopes up, thinking it'll be this month or next. Then when I ask him if/when we can try he just says "No. Not yet." Gah! It's so annoying. I think I liked it better when he didn't talk about babies much

There's no real point to this other than just to have a little moan!

 

[aimee-lou]

This is totally unfair of him IMHO. I think you need to ask him when and at least a maximum wait time. If he said'we'll try in the latest dDecember' or 'after a holiday' at least you could work to that and respect that but he's expecting too much for you to wait indefinitely. That's just going to build problems anger and resentment. I would ask him outright for a timeframe.

 

[skycastles]

I feel you.... The other week, my DH and I spent TWO hours discussing names for our future baby.. Then a couple of days later he told me he prefers to delay our TTC date by 6 months to a year

 

[LynAnne]

I know he doesn't mean to be so vague like that and he isn't trying to upset me but when it's one of those things that keeps going round in my head all day, every day it's hard to be patient and wait for him. I've tried to get a date out of him before but he avoids it because he just doesn't know when he'll be ready. To which I've told him he'll never be 100% ready because nobody never is. It's just so frustrating.

All the baby talk gets me excited and hopeful then I need to remember that I just need to wait for him to decide and it's hard. He does say that the more we talk about it the more comfortable he becomes with the idea of TTC soon but I don't want to over do it and have him put off by my incessant talk of babies.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

I think you need to make it clear to him how much the uncertainty is affecting you (if you haven't already). Maybe research about other fathers who had trouble deciding when they were ready and their story, and show him so he can see it's common and most people really aren't *completely* ready to make that jump into the unknown. Hopefully he comes around soon!

 

[CandiceSj]

I can understand your situation... It's hard not to think about something that is so important to us, even if it doesn't actually help to spend so much energy thinig about it when what we need to do is wait...

And I also understand your husband... I'm the one making us wait, but the more I talk about it, the closer I am to accepting the idea that it might be time for another child. I don't think he's obsessive about it like I was when TTC my second or like we are as women generally when we really start to want children, but still, I realize I haven't been super considerate about that and your husband probably has good intentions. It's hard for men to understand this desire for children - it's biological and so strong for us when we get "baby fever"!