I hate Mondays (and thursdays)

[dancareoi]

I hate Mondays - it is an unlucky day.

My first MMC was discovered on a Monday in July 2009 at 10 weeks (8 weeks gestation)

My second MMC was also discovered on Monday 9th Jan 2012 at 17 +3 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation)

My Lo`s funeral was Monday 23rd Jan 2012.

Thursdays aren`t quite as bad, but my LO was born sleeing Thursday 12th Jan 2012.

Not looking forward to tomorrow - 4 weeks ago today all was good - 4 weeks ago tomorrow my world fell apart.

I hate Mondays!

 

[livfc]

I know exactly how you feel about Mondays.Our little one grew his wings on a Monday too.

Thinking of you tomorrow,and hoping it passes as peacefully as possible xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

WOW, I just realized I lost Ava on a Monday also
I am right with you, I hate Mondays also
I am so sorry,Lisa. I am here anytime you know that,,

 

[mhazzab]

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I've not been in here much recently so I don't think we have spoken.
After losing my twins I hated Friday nights (this was the first day I knew something was wrong) Sundays as that's when I checked into hospital and contractions started and Tuesdays because that's when I gave birth and every time they came around it was another week since I lost them.
After time it does ease a little and those day markers don't quite stick out and hurt so much. It does take time to get there though and in the meantime we are all here for you to get you through this xxxx

 

[Bride2b]

I lost Bertie too on a Monday, 10 weeks tomorrow. Mondays are the shittiest day of the week! x

 

[dancareoi]

It seems that Monday is a bad day for a few of us.

If DH agrees to try again an we get BFP I think I will stay in bed every monday and not go anywhere.

So need him to agree TTC it is killing me. I am on a real down again the last couple of days, maybe it is because of tomorrow - 4 weeks go.

My DH has said to me a couple of times is there anything I can do, or I don`t not what to say - I feel like shouting out - yes there is something you can do - get me BFP!!!!!!!!

Andrea, how are you now you have AF - hope you are not too upset.

Let`s all hope tomorrow passes quickly. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[kiki04]

Hadlee was born on a thursday

 

[Andypanda6570]

It seems that Monday is a bad day for a few of us.

If DH agrees to try again an we get BFP I think I will stay in bed every monday and not go anywhere.

So need him to agree TTC it is killing me. I am on a real down again the last couple of days, maybe it is because of tomorrow - 4 weeks go.

My DH has said to me a couple of times is there anything I can do, or I don`t not what to say - I feel like shouting out - yes there is something you can do - get me BFP!!!!!!!!

Andrea, how are you now you have AF - hope you are not too upset.

Let`s all hope tomorrow passes quickly. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I thought I was ok with all this, but I have been crying for 2 days. I am not sure why I am so upset, I think I may give up and not try again. I am so scared and with my HBP I am scared something will happen, I am going to be 42 and I can't believe my precious Ava has been taken from me, what did I do to deserve this, i just don't understand???
I will never know what it is to have my daughter with me and to share all of those moments I missed when I was a child that bond I will never have .I must have done something to deserve this.
I feel awful and now her year of death is coming up and I am dreading it. One year has went so fast , but my pain is just as bad as when I first lost her...
XOOXO

 

[mhazzab]

It seems that Monday is a bad day for a few of us.

If DH agrees to try again an we get BFP I think I will stay in bed every monday and not go anywhere.

So need him to agree TTC it is killing me. I am on a real down again the last couple of days, maybe it is because of tomorrow - 4 weeks go.

My DH has said to me a couple of times is there anything I can do, or I don`t not what to say - I feel like shouting out - yes there is something you can do - get me BFP!!!!!!!!

Andrea, how are you now you have AF - hope you are not too upset.

Let`s all hope tomorrow passes quickly. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I thought I was ok with all this, but I have been crying for 2 days. I am not sure why I am so upset, I think I may give up and not try again. I am so scared and with my HBP I am scared something will happen, I am going to be 42 and I can't believe my precious Ava has been taken from me, what did I do to deserve this, i just don't understand???
I will never know what it is to have my daughter with me and to share all of those moments I missed when I was a child that bond I will never have .I must have done something to deserve this.
I feel awful and now her year of death is coming up and I am dreading it. One year has went so fast , but my pain is just as bad as when I first lost her...
XOOXO

Andrea honey please don't ever think you did something to deserve this. We are all just the victims of some horrible bad luck.
You are an amazing friend you have been so supportive and mean so much to so many women on here. And we are all here to support you. I know you are sad and you are scared and that's completely normal but please don't let it stop you trying for your rainbow if that's what you really want. We are here for you every step of the way. Xxx

 

[dancareoi]

It seems that Monday is a bad day for a few of us.

If DH agrees to try again an we get BFP I think I will stay in bed every monday and not go anywhere.

So need him to agree TTC it is killing me. I am on a real down again the last couple of days, maybe it is because of tomorrow - 4 weeks go.

My DH has said to me a couple of times is there anything I can do, or I don`t not what to say - I feel like shouting out - yes there is something you can do - get me BFP!!!!!!!!

Andrea, how are you now you have AF - hope you are not too upset.

Let`s all hope tomorrow passes quickly. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I thought I was ok with all this, but I have been crying for 2 days. I am not sure why I am so upset, I think I may give up and not try again. I am so scared and with my HBP I am scared something will happen, I am going to be 42 and I can't believe my precious Ava has been taken from me, what did I do to deserve this, i just don't understand???
I will never know what it is to have my daughter with me and to share all of those moments I missed when I was a child that bond I will never have .I must have done something to deserve this.
I feel awful and now her year of death is coming up and I am dreading it. One year has went so fast , but my pain is just as bad as when I first lost her...
XOOXO

Andrea, please don`t be sad, if I was there with you I would give lots of big hugs, but you`ll have t make do with these

No one does anything to deserve having their LO taken away, I have asked the same thing myself, what did I do? It was nothing we did, it is natures way, although very cruel.

You are also feeling more emotiinal at the moment due to your AF, as this messes with your hormones. Also the anniversary of when Ava was born sleeping is also going to be emotional.

You have probably read the poem `An Angel Never Dies` i have taken an extract from it for you:-

"This world was worthy not of me, God chose that i move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul, what you are forced to face.
You have my word, I`ll fill your arms, one day we will embrace.
You`ll hear that it was meant to be, God doesn`t make mistakes"

i find the words very sad, but also comforting.

One day you will be with Ava and will be abe to give all the hugs and love you have for her.

in the mean time, my advice,for what its worth is you have to try again.

I like you am scared of going through this heart ache again and being back to square one, but if something did go wrong again, then maybe it`s not meant to be, but I need to find that out. At least I will have tried (if DH agrees)

However, things might no go wrong and look at what you would then have, another beautiful little rainbow to light up your life.

To me this is a gamble that is worth taking.

I feel if I don`t try again, there will this constant emptiness inside me and such regret.

After my last MMC I was scared stiff the whole time, worrying something would go wrong, but I now how the most beautiful little monkey of a rainbow, who would not be here today if i had given up.

Please don`t give up, your sadness if proof of how much you need and want this and you have to try again, the risk is worth taking.

Sending you lots of and i am thinking of you.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Thank you both so much. I am just so scared and so tired of being worried. One day I am fine and the next I am not. Last night I was watching TV and all of a sudden I am crying hysterical I just feel like SO much has been taken from me.

I never had that mother/daughter thing with my mother, she left when I was very young. I have worked so hard through my life to accept things and to move on. I have done a good job also, but this has set me back so much.

I have never experienced this much pain and I have been through it all.
When I cry I feel like my heart is just broken and will burst out my chest
It is almost a year and I thought I was doing SO much better, but this sadness just sneaks up and smacks the shit out of a person
I do want to try again, but I am just scared. I know for me I could NOT handle another loss, I could not go through this again, i don't think i would come out of it.

I need time to think.
XOXOXOXO

 

[Bride2b]

Oh Amanda hun, I wish I could give you a hug. The grief will come back especially when we think we are starting to cope. I am expecting this to happen. Of course Avas birthday is approaching so all the emotions are going to be dragged up again. Its natural. Its natural to be scared too. Are you more scared of trying again or never knowing if you will get your rainbow. I think for most ladies that have already got children its more scary to not try again than the thought of having another loss. Dont forget these horrible losses we have had are really bad luck......we are amongst those horrible statistics but it means the chances of this happening again are slim. I'm sure the witch isnt helping with the way you feel & in a few days you will be back to trying again. We are here for you hun xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh Amanda hun, I wish I could give you a hug. The grief will come back especially when we think we are starting to cope. I am expecting this to happen. Of course Avas birthday is approaching so all the emotions are going to be dragged up again. Its natural. Its natural to be scared too. Are you more scared of trying again or never knowing if you will get your rainbow. I think for most ladies that have already got children its more scary to not try again than the thought of having another loss. Dont forget these horrible losses we have had are really bad luck......we are amongst those horrible statistics but it means the chances of this happening again are slim. I'm sure the witch isnt helping with the way you feel & in a few days you will be back to trying again. We are here for you hun xxx

Thank you . I think I am scared of regretting it, I know if I don't try I will kick myself when i get to old to try, it is so scary
I am just so confused. Thank you for always psoting to me and helping, you are so nice
Andrea

 

[dancareoi]

Oh Amanda hun, I wish I could give you a hug. The grief will come back especially when we think we are starting to cope. I am expecting this to happen. Of course Avas birthday is approaching so all the emotions are going to be dragged up again. Its natural. Its natural to be scared too. Are you more scared of trying again or never knowing if you will get your rainbow. I think for most ladies that have already got children its more scary to not try again than the thought of having another loss. Dont forget these horrible losses we have had are really bad luck......we are amongst those horrible statistics but it means the chances of this happening again are slim. I'm sure the witch isnt helping with the way you feel & in a few days you will be back to trying again. We are here for you hun xxx

Thank you . I think I am scared of regretting it, I know if I don't try I will kick myself when i get to old to try, it is so scary
I am just so confused. Thank you for always psoting to me and helping, you are so nice
Andrea

Andrea,

We are all there for each other to talk to and give comfort.

As I have said, I know exactly how you feel, it is scaring the life out of me and I think why DH is unwilling to say yes or no, he too is scared.

I have been through this twice now and I don`t want to go through the heartache of another loss, but the thought of not trying scares me even more, it`s something I have to do.

I don`t think it helps that we are that bit older, we feel that time too is against us. If I were 10 years younger that would probably make a big difference and probably would for you too. It would give us longer to think, but being that bit older doesn`t help.

The week before I had my Nucal scan in december, i had to go to the clinic so they could take my blood and get it tested before the scan. Whilst there i spoke to the man doing the bloods and said how scared I was an why - he took me to the next room and very quickly put the scan on me - i was about 11 weeks and saw a healthy heart beat - i started to cry.

I said I was worried about how old i was, he told me i wasn`t that old and he was going to be delivering a lady that week with her first child - she was 46. (he was delivering a 52 year old the following week but i think that was an egg donor!)

Please don`t give up.

One of these lovely ladies who has posted recently i have mentioned before, she is 44 and due very soon!

I am trying to eat healthy (although that is very difficult for me as i love anything that is full of calories) and I am trying to lose a little weight - that is not easy either. However, by trying to do this i am hoping my chances of everything working out next time will be better (again down to DH agreeing)

Perhaps you may feel better once Ava`s birthday has passed, maybe once that has gone you may be in a better place emotionally and ready to try again for another rainbow then.

I know Andrea if you don`t at least try,it could be a decision that haunts you for the rest of your life. There is always the chance that we may not even manage to get pregnant and if that is the case then it is not meant to be and we would not have the heartache of losing another, but would have the comfort of knowing we did at least try.

i need to speak to DH about my feelings, but I know when we talk i will end up crying and not say what I need to say - I am thinking of writing everything down and letting him read it - sounds a bit daft in a way, but at least I wouldn`t miss anything.

Please try and stay strong Andrea. At least you do have a couple of weeks to think about things before you OV again, hopefully then you will be able to come to a decision about what to do that you are happy with.

Always here for you, Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Lisa,
If I was 35 I wouldn't be worrying like this, i can't even believe I am going to be 42 in June I went to buy beer the other day (For my husband) and they asked to see my license I was like are you for real> I am 41, she said well honey you look good for your age then. I was so happy but the fact is I am still 41 .
I remember with Ava my bloods were 1 in 110 for DS and 1 in 87 for Trisomy .
With my other 3 I never got anything done. I just am nervous about all of this.
I feel bad also , cause I know my husband does NOT want to try again, he is just trying to make me happy and I love him for that. It is not right I am pushing him into this. I JUST need some time but in the meantime since I was so late my ticker is off and I should Ovulate around the 16th so I will DTD around the 13th. I am still going to just do it and see what happens, they say at my age I only have a 5% percent chance every month, but I don't think i believe that.
XOOXOXOXO Always here for you also my dear friend..

 

[Bride2b]

Lisa writing everything down is a great idea! He will then know exactly how you feel, you can say everything thats in your heart without getting emotional & forgetting or without getting interrupted & not ending up saying what you wanted to.

I sent my OH an email the week before last explaining how I feel. I could have gone on forever, but tried to put in the main points. I figured he could see what its about & read it when he was ready. He did read it as he sent me a message regarding where he is with his grief, it was just a simple message. We havent really spoken about what I sent, as most of what needed to be said was said in the letter. I think its certainly worth a try and at least you have got it all off your chest and in the open xx

 

[dancareoi]

Lisa,
If I was 35 I wouldn't be worrying like this, i can't even believe I am going to be 42 in June I went to buy beer the other day (For my husband) and they asked to see my license I was like are you for real> I am 41, she said well honey you look good for your age then. I was so happy but the fact is I am still 41 .
I remember with Ava my bloods were 1 in 110 for DS and 1 in 87 for Trisomy .
With my other 3 I never got anything done. I just am nervous about all of this.
I feel bad also , cause I know my husband does NOT want to try again, he is just trying to make me happy and I love him for that. It is not right I am pushing him into this. I JUST need some time but in the meantime since I was so late my ticker is off and I should Ovulate around the 16th so I will DTD around the 13th. I am still going to just do it and see what happens, they say at my age I only have a 5% percent chance every month, but I don't think i believe that.
XOOXOXOXO Always here for you also my dear friend..

Andrea, the DS is also a worry for me. When I was expecting Eoin I was 38, so classed as high risk. I had a nuchal scan, when I went in the room I was high risk, when they had done all the tests I was a low risk with a maternal age of a 15 year old. With the one i just lost, the nucal scan said the same thing, low risk with age of a 15 year old!!!

I know age is a big factor, but when my sister was 29 she had a high risk bloods for DS (this was after 2 MMC) she had a amniociticis and it came out low risk. She was 34 when she had her second baby - no problems with the DS.

So with her, she had more problems when she was younger.

If you really want a BFP I have some tips:-

- Each month 3/4 days before OV you get increased CM (like egg white and very stretchy) DTD the day and every day after.

- When you have CM also do OV test and DTD every day from increased CM to day after OV.

- When you have DTD - do not move - stay lying still on your back for at least 1 hour with your legs raised. (also when DTD always make sure you are lying flat)

This will increase your chances of PG.

With my first it was pot luck - we were actually in America when we started trying - we did 7 days at Jackson Hole in Wyoming skiing and then 6 nights in Vegas (I think my first was conceived during this trip!)

With my second we didn`t really try properly, but after 4 months I wanted a BFP so I did the above steps and became pregnant straight away.

When trying for baby 3 at 38 I followed the same steps - and pregnant straight away! - MMC July 09.

When trying again for baby 3 - did same steps again and hey presto - pregnant straight away again!!

If DH agrees TTC I will try this again.

Actually when trying for baby 3 DH was a little disappointed it happened so quickly, he thought there would be loads of DTD - thought his luck was in - but it happened first time!!!!!!

I think if DH does agree it will be for the same as your DH, to make me happy.

Good luck with TTC - never knowwe could be TTC buddies!!!!!

Look after yourself - if you need to cry just do it, you`ll be worse if you bottle it up

Always here for you
Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx