I hate myself this morning

[Gems]

I feel so bad ..... i actually let the this thought go through my head...
'' Can we really afford to have a baby, would it be easier to not go through with it''
I cant believe i even thought about getting rid of my baby because of money.
I hate myself so much for it. Me and OH had a huge arguement over money last night and it set it all off.
Now im making myself feel sick with worry and feel horrible.

 

[cupcake]

oh gems, everyone worries about supporting their child, you are not a bad mom for that ure actually a good mom. its good to give things thought and plan ahead. there are lots of ways to save money, u dont need to buy every single baby gagdet on the market, you can nurse hopefully and that will save tons on formula and hopefully people will give you lots of gifts at a baby shower. you can also consider borrowing somethings from friends if you have that have had kids. people often dont mind lending out their crib or bassinet.
dont beat yourself up, its not good for you or your baby.

 

[hollie86]

Hi Gems,
Having a baby is a very stressful time for both of you! I think every couple at some point during pregnancy has some form of doubt in their mind, it's totally natural. Me and my OH have also argued about money and whether we can afford the baby. Think of the millions of babies that are born everyday that are born into a not so well off family but they are happy. As long as your baby is loved that is all that matters. Remember there are certain benefits you are entitled to as a parent.
Hope this helps in some way, try not to worry Im sure you will work things out
Keep smiling and never hate yourself
xxx

 

[lfc_sarah]

Youd be surprised how much you can get from family/friends, people who have been pregnant before!
Ive hardly spent anything and have a ton of baby clothes, a moses basket, cot, baby toys and swinging bounc chair thing, all either new or hardly used!!
Dont worry xx

 

[Ann-Marie]

I agree with cupcake... you on't need to buy everything that they throw at you in the preg mags. All your baby needs is your love, cuddles, clean bum and a full tum, and that costs next to nothing
The fact that your worrying so much about it only shows how much you care and want to be the best Mum to your babe, which you will be
Take some 'me' time to relax, and pamper yourself

 

[Gems]

Thanks for your messages, i know im just worrying and over reacting but to even have those kinda thoughts it makes me feel sick. We want this baby more than anything.
Hopefully once we start telling friends and family it will be easier but as its just me and OH who know at moment i find it hard.
You girls have really helped me this morning, to read that im not as horrible as i thought has dried up the tears that were forcing to spill.
Doesnt help that im so damn tired all the time and emotional, i was never emotional , i was a right tough cookie until i became pregnant !!
Thanks again xxxx

 

[charlie07]

I think last night was the night for arguments. Started off disgussing something and other half ended up saying how the timing isn't right!!!! I knew he felt like that but it was the first time he had said it.

I know how you feel Gems, but don't feel guilty. When my sister got pregnant she said they couldn't afford it, BUT when can you ever afford a baby, you get on with life, bring love to the childs life as it will to yours and you cope, there is always a way.

As for my other half, I said did he want me to throw myself down the stairs now so the problem would go away for him!!!!! At that moment I didn't care what he thought. He said no and of course he wants the baby but the timing is totally off. I know it is but I see this as a gift now. After all, little peanut was conceived on a day I thought was impossible, as in CD4-6, I shouldn't have got pregnant, but I did and I just feel like this ig the best gift I could ever have got ever.

I also understand how you feel about not having told anyone. I told him last night that it has been a very lonely 3 weeks for me, the only time he showed any emotion towards me was last week when I thought I was mc'ing. He looked shocked, I didn't give a s##t how he felt. So you're not alone, don't beat yourself up. When you feel lowsy you feel down, well I do and I'm with you all the way, we all are. If it wasn't for this forum, I would ahve gone nutty by now and stood in the middle of the square and screemed "I'm pregnant" at the top of my voice whilst people look at the crazy English woman!!!

The others are right too. If someone offers me a second hand whatever for the baby, I'm taking it!! Part of me hopes for a girl as I know there's plenty of hand me downs in the UK for me! Even if I have a beautiful little boy, anythign that isn't pink can go on a boy!!

YOU ARE GONNA BE A GREAT MUM, try not to stress.

 

[Vickie]

I think it's quite natural to worry about money and whether or not you'll be able to support your baby. My DH and I both do it too, ultimately though I know that the baby will not go without the necessities, he/she may not have all the new gadgets out but honestly they don't need them. You'll be a great mother!

 

[leeanne]

I absolutely agree with what everyone said above.

You know something too, one can never be too planned to have a baby. Life usually doesn't happen that way.

As for your OH, men are generally the supporters of their family and feel the need to succeed in doing so, especially when there is a baby on the way. He's probably going through a bit of stress with regards to this.

I am sure you will be a great mom and that all will work out. As mentioned above, baby stuff need not be bought brand new. I borrowed a crib and bassinet from a friend of mine for my first two babies. Babies grow out of clothes so fast and I actually bought outfits from thrift stores, etc. They were in great shape.

Ebay is another alternative too. I've seen great deals on baby clothes and I plan to take advantage of it for this baby on the way.

 

[Samantha675]

Oh love don't feel bad. We all freak out. I remember one night early in my pregnancy, I woke up for the toilet. I was freaking out thinking it would be so much better and easier if I lost the baby. I was not ready. Blah Blah Blah. I didn't mean it. It was just fear of becoming a mom for the first time. I really think that such feelings are a natural reaction to such a huge event.

 

[Jules]

If we all waited until we thought we were financially secure i doubt we would ever have a baby! Theres always something that crops up that needs paying or buying! I doubt there would ever be a 'perfect' time.

 

[maybebaby]

I think we all have these thoughts at one point or another. We weren't planning on this baby, and my OH definitely feels the timing is way off. But at the same time, we are getting through it because ultimately, we want the baby. As far as finances, everyone's comments are right. You really don't need all that crap that they advertise, and it is amazing how giving people can be with their used items. My best friend has been saving a crib for me (for 3 years!), and I have other friends that will also be giving me stuff. Personally, I don't want too much stuff as the baby outgrows it so quickly anyways.

 

[Gems]

Thanks for all your comments , it means so much to know im not alone in thinking like this. I guess im just tired and emotional and things always seem worst at times like that. Ive had a good day (no morning sickness - woo hoo) and im gonna go home and have a big cuddle with OH, long hot batha nd early night.
Thanks again girls - your all stars xxxxx