I hate to be the one to say this BUT......

[nolansmom]

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Prefacing with.. I love the support offered on this site.. BUT

Are we fooling each other with the "maybe it's implantation bleeding" comments? I've been pregnant before, no bleeding - not a drop. Yes everyone is different and yes some may experience Ib with 1 or 2 or all of their pregnancies BUT it's actually NOT that common.

I know that we all want to support and provide hope when TTC but is false hope really helpful?

It sorta reminds me of the movie "he's just not that into you" which is partially about the ways in which women confuse other women by being too "nice" about things as a way to spare feelings. Saying things like "a friend of a friend of a friend has XXXXX happen to her once and it worked out fine" as a way to encourage (provide false hope) really isn't helpful.

Sorry if this offends, I'm actually trying to do the opposite as I have a close GF who is now TTC and having difficulty and I found myself not wanting to say "it's likely your period" because I know how badly she wants to be pregnant.. I also feel like I was encouraging false hope by saying "maybe it's IB".. I can hear the relief in her voice when she calls me at her lunch break to vent and be sad and she said "could it be IB" and I found myself being over the top about the possibility rather than saying "that's pretty rare" I said "I read online about xxxxxx and it could be that" to which I could hear the hope in her voice.

Yell and scream at me if you want but It's how I feel..

Edited to add*** Maybe there are more IB comments because of the larger reach of a TTC forum resulting in more possible Ib than let's say my circle of G/fs.. This makes sense to me.

 

[LillyTame]

I understand what you mean and often I find myself going with the flock on giving hope instead of what I'm really thinking....I just don't want to be the Debbie Downer. I've tried to as nicely as I could possibly say it "Your chart doesn't look too great" or "that sign is normal for most women right before AF and not just before BFP" but I just don't think anyone wants to really hear the truth.

Is there really anything wrong with false hope? I know I was just telling my BnB circle today that I'd rather go PUPO until AF than test early and be depressed the whole 2ww. (I'm going on cycle 6 and have always tested early...gonna try to wait it out this time)

I think we could probably say whatever we wanted anyway and the receiver of the info would still probably keep looking till she found the answer she wanted to hear.


IMHO.

 

[Mrs.R]

LOL! Nolansmon you are so right. I see it all the time about the implantation bleeding. I feel like saying "its your period!!!". I think it also happens when women say 'i see a line' on someones HPT photo, and I literally have my face right upto the screen like a complete moron and i swear it is stark white. Ha ha and i have to admit i had compared it to that movie. I guess everyone just tries to keep eachother positive which is nice.

 

[nolansmom]

I understand what you mean and often I find myself going with the flock on giving hope instead of what I'm really thinking....I just don't want to be the Debbie Downer. I've tried to as nicely as I could possibly say it "Your chart doesn't look too great" or "that sign is normal for most women right before AF and not just before BFP" but I just don't think anyone wants to really hear the truth.

Is there really anything wrong with false hope? I know I was just telling my BnB circle today that I'd rather go PUPO until AF than test early and be depressed the whole 2ww. (I'm going on cycle 6 and have always tested early...gonna try to wait it out this time)

I think we could probably say whatever we wanted anyway and the receiver of the info would still probably keep looking till she found the answer she wanted to hear.


IMHO.

I def see your points. Nothing "wrong" with false hope in a general sense and certainly in order to keep pushing forward in (long) TTC journey it might be what's needed. I'm only referring to the IB comments itself, charting and meds etc isn't something I know a whole lot about.

IMHO bleeding either through IB or in early pregnancy is a symptom I'd prefer to avoid. I guess I also find that "maybe it's IB" tends to lead to other things like "well i feel pg, so maybe I should go to dr, because of this bleeding" --- yet the bleeding is AF so we really aren't being helpful by helping others convince themselves that bleeding is something other than AF. W/o TTC we'd all happily accept an early AF or late AF with no q about what it is. We've all been getting them for so many years. UGH.

So now person X is lead to believe AF could be IB and now goes to Dr and takes bloods only to confirm AF really is AF and person x is now more upset than they were previously because they were given some hope that AF came at exact time that IB would, sometimes not even believing the blood work was BFN and still test well in to next cycle. All the while having HPT that are BFN.

You're right about the ppl will look until they get what they want to hear though - I've been guilty of that myself.. Hoping for BFP for you..

Rant officially OVER!!

 

[LillyTame]

Thank you! I hope I get one soon

And specifically referring to IB vs AF, yep. Could lead someone into going to the doc when they didn't really need to.

 

[redlemonade]

I completely agree. This is why I never post about my "symptoms" anymore and why I tend to stay off these pages these days, especially during the tww. I've seen so many comments saying "ooh I bet you're pregnant" to the most common PMS symptoms; it's definitely not healthy, but then neither is posting your "symptoms".

 

[Eternal]

I'm not quite TTC yet, actually not sure if I will be yet, (I have three already), anyway i remember stressing that I didn't have "implantation bleeding" yet managed to get pregnant three times, the other side of the story is that in pregnancy forum you get thousands of posts on bleeding, I've bled in two of my three pregnancies and they are they two I didn't miscarry, so bleeding for me seems good. (If you are trying to work out my math I had twins in the mix). Everyone's body is different and I guess we desperately look for any signs and symptoms but I guess for most that isn't implantation bleeding.

 

[Sammie100]

If I think someones chart looks good, then I'll say that. But if it's bad news, i either don't respond or word it softly. "Usually when my temp drops like that, it's AF". Something along those lines. For me, false hope makes it hurt worse when I'm let down.

 

[mangotango]

I get what your saying. I think it's best to be completely truthful...that is what I am looking for when I come on here. If I wanted fluff &sugar coating and false hope, I'd give that to myself.
For me, I have not had any kids yet, I don't have friends that are in the same place as me with ttc or that have had kids that I can talk to, and we just started this journey of ttc. I know that we can "trick ourselves" into thinking we are pregnant or we notice things that we didn't before and think it's a pregnancy symptom. I did have a few symptoms last month that I had never ever ever ever had, including cramping and my breasts hurt sooooooooo much and my nipples. I have never once had sore breasts/nipples in my entire life. I have never felt the type of pain down there or aches. This is when I found this site to see what others have experienced for themselves. I had extremely light bleeding a few days later which was not my normal, but then yes it did turn into AF, and I figured it was since it was 1 day late. I now will consider all these things normal PMS symptoms for me that I might have in the future with my body re-regulating itself after being off BC.
I guess my whole point of this is that yeah, everyone is different in if they get this symptom or that, and yes IB is not very common from what I've read about it and what people say, but it does happen. I think it's one thing to come and ask...is this IB? when there are no other symptoms and AF is due. THen it's obvious that it is most likely AF, and I would welcome people telling me the truth. It's different when AF isn't due and someone has never had any spotting/bleeding between cycles. It could be IB, but then again, a person really won't know until you get that BFP anyway. I think people are most definitely looking for that *hope* and reassurance from others. It's like saying, I ovulated 2 days ago and had sex a few days before, I feel pregnant....truth is, it's too soon to know.

I think the best you can do is tell your experience, and what you think in your opinion without giving false hopes, but we have to remember, this is all our experiences and opinions and they are all different. IB does happen, along with a variety of other symptoms. Some women get this symptom and some don't, same with IB, or cramps, or nausea, or headaches.

 

[TTC First]

Your post really made me laugh because there are so many things I can't take hearing anymore. I know it sounds horrible of us but after hearing it so many times and those of us who have been ttc for way too long, we get a little sensitive.

I think we need a thread of what not to ask on a TTC board.

"I am 7 dpo, does my chart look good"
"I am 3 dpo and I smelled something really strong this morning, could I be pregnant?"
"My temp dropped at 14 dpo, is this implantation?"
"My temp went up today, is this my O"
"I'm 15dpo and here are my post O temps 36.78, 36.89.... (bla bla), and my symptoms are..... (bla bla), do you think I am pregnant?"

Any others?

Sorry if this makes ME sound horrible but I had a temp drop so I am a little sensitive today. Anyone want to take a look at my chart and tell me if they think that AF is coming tomorrow? ha ha Sorry, had to say that.

 

[mangotango]

I have to respond now that I just roamed the boards this morning...there are a LOT of posts like this and like "I'm 3dpo" kind of thing. I know hope is strong and drives us women crazy (btw, I have ewcm! so I'm excited and hopeful). I found myself opening a lot of threads and just shaking my head and closing them without replying.

 

[redlemonade]

Your post really made me laugh because there are so many things I can't take hearing anymore. I know it sounds horrible of us but after hearing it so many times and those of us who have been ttc for way too long, we get a little sensitive.

I think we need a thread of what not to ask on a TTC board.

"I am 7 dpo, does my chart look good"
"I am 3 dpo and I smelled something really strong this morning, could I be pregnant?"
"My temp dropped at 14 dpo, is this implantation?"
"My temp went up today, is this my O"
"I'm 15dpo and here are my post O temps 36.78, 36.89.... (bla bla), and my symptoms are..... (bla bla), do you think I am pregnant?"

Any others?

Sorry if this makes ME sound horrible but I had a temp drop so I am a little sensitive today. Anyone want to take a look at my chart and tell me if they think that AF is coming tomorrow? ha ha Sorry, had to say that.

You don't sound horrible, those posts drive me batty too! Maybe I'm just irritable though

Good luck though

 

[Wobbles]

What a horrible thread and not in the spirit of BnB. I don't mean to offend or sound horrible but I will anyway.

Let me tell you there will be no rules like suggested on what my members can't post.

If you don't have anything constructive to add, no advice, don't agree on a thread then move on, don't open a thread to flame/troll the forum and or it's members.

I'll deal with this further in the morning. Drag it to another thread (new or old) and I will deactivate accounts!