I have an odd question

[HBGirl]

Lying awake last night with insomnia, I lay thinking. I knew I wanted to breastfeed from the start and very luckily am still able to feed my 11 month old with no plans of stopping.

I have friends who gave it a go and didn't like it, friends who tried and could, don't and one friend who couldn't because she was diagnosed with breast cancer at 33 weeks. What I don't have is a friend who chose not to breastfeed. I am interested in he reason why you chose not to?

The reason I wanted to was to have that special connection that only her and I could share. Sorry if this is a weird question but I am genuinely interested. I am NOT a lactivist, I am pro mom's and pro happy babies.

I like to know the perspective of other mom's who don't think like me so I can defence do their stance if needed.

I have a good friend who was ashamed to tell me she had switched to formula because she thought I would judge her as I was still breastfeeding and that makes me sad.

 

[HBGirl]

And sorry for weird spelling! New tablet and autocorrect!

 

[horseybird]

Well not sure I'm qualified to answer as I have done a little of both.

I had no choice with my first, she didn't latch and was almost hospitalised for feeding/rehydration.

I am just about to stop feeding my 6 week old for various reasons.
1. I want to share the feeding experience with my hubby
2. I like to know how much she has had.
3. I don't enjoy it.
4. I think a schedule is easier to do on formula, we are a busy family. I hàve a dog, a horse and a toddler.
5. Lastly I would like my body back( I know this is selfish)

 

[Feff]

I didn't bother even trying to breastfeed my daughter and I regret it! I didn't try because I was 16, what 16 year old wants to get their boobs out in front of everyone and anyone? It didn't occur to me I could cover up I'm really self conscious about my belly and stretch marks and I didn't want people to see them if I was feeding. Plus, I always saw boobs as being sexual. I'd never ever seen a woman breastfeeding(!) until after I'd had Elodie. Obviously now I know those reasons are daft and if I ever have another baby I would try and breastfeed.

 

[MindUtopia]

Well, I didn't really choose to formula feed, so I'm not sure I'm the kind of person you're looking for to answer your question (actually, in my experience, the person who chooses to FF from birth is usually rare, most people do it from lack of support or medical problems). But I BF for 10 weeks, the last 4 weeks with recurrent mastitis and nipple dermatitis - basically, I got an allergic reaction on my nipples, which the BF counselor thought might have been either to the lanolin in Lansinoh, something I was using to clean the nipple shields I was using (have flat nipples) or the silicone in the shields. Anyway, basically, all the skin on my nipples fell off. It's been two years now and the skin on my areola is still white rather than brown from where I lost so many layers of skin. Anyway, that combined with the mastitits and a baby who struggled to latch anyway (due to a lip tie and a high palate) meant I had to start expressing. Expressing killed my supply after about 2 weeks. I just don't respond to a pump. I would express and express and express all day, at least 6 hours a day, and my supply just kept doing down. Finally, the last time I tried, I pumped for 30 minutes and got about 3 drops. I just dried up and I tried to re-lactate, but my body just wouldn't do it. Looking back now, I realize I got a lot of terrible advice from midwives, health visitors and even BF counselors. I wish I'd stood up for myself a bit more and demanded better care and support, but I just didn't know any better. That said, I'm really looking forward to breastfeeding again next time, though I'm happy to FF again as well if it doesn't work out, though I'm hoping better support (and staying away from anything I might be allergic to!) will make for a different experience.

 

[xQuinnx]

I breastfed for 3 days but my little girl never seemed to latch properly (or so the unhelpful idiots at the hospital told me). After 3 days we switched to formula and expressed milk. I told myself for a while that this was because I couldn't breastfeed but I think on reflection much of it was choice.
I think it's wonderful you have such a bond with your little one through breastfeeding, but it didn't make me feel that way. I felt so much pressure and angst that everytime my daughter would cry I would have to try and get her to latch on. I also hated the sensation if I'm honest, I found it strange and I didn't enjoy it. I had also been very keen on my husband being able to feed out daughter and so was he and this greatly influenced the decision. I didn't receive any support from midwives, I would have them come and stare at me whilst I tried to feed my daughter and they made me feel incredibly guilty for agreeing to give her formula. It felt amazing to express, my daughter got my milk and my husband could feed her too.

I think unfortunately people judge mothers for how they feed their children when if they have a right to judge them at all it should be on how happy their little one is.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

1.) Doesn't seem natural to me; more "animalistic"
2.) I was overweight and it was causing medical problems, so I knew I needed to lose weight and get healthy for both of us. The women in my family retain weight while breastfeeding.
3.) I preferred sharing as much baby responsibility as possible with hubby, and that included feedings (especially night!). I was a much happier mommy after getting more than two hours of sleep in one stretch!
4.) I had a third degree tear and the hemorrhoid from hell, and I could only take the pain medication if I wasn't breastfeeding. I tried going a few days without it but I couldn't sit and I was miserable, and poor hubby was having to do most of the work. Getting the medication allowed me to function and I didn't have to worry about passing any of it on to her.

Personally I loved the whole formula experience. I had no problem bonding with her, in fact I think not having to go through any of the pain or constant feeding that seems to be common at the beginning allowed me to bond better with her from the start. I enjoyed how wonderful it all was that I will probably just go straight to formula with any other babies that we have. I have a happy, healthy toddler that hasn't been sick once, so it was the overall right choice for us as a family.

That being said, I'm pro-happy baby and momma as well, and I don't give a fig whether someone chooses breast or bottle. Just feed that baby!

 

[mummytobe_93]

I breastfed until my daughter was 6.5 months but then when I changed to formula this was basically because it made her sleep a lot better. A bit stupid I know but she was cluster feeding 7-9 hours a night and I was exhausted. I started introducing a few bottles and she slept better but then she went off the breast. So it was kind of choice but also not at the same time x

 

[mel28nicole]

I wanted to breastfeed til I was 38 weeks. I decided not to. So technically I choose to formula feed from birth.

1. After hearing many stories of difficulties trying to breastfeed, I chickened out. One particular friend of mine breastfeed for two weeks. Her baby lost a pound from the problems she was having. I was scared. I knew with formula feeding my baby would be fed right from the start.
2. I wanted other to help me feed. Yes I knew I could pump, but it just didn't seem right for me. Honestly I didn't even know you could exclusively pump or else I would have given that a try
3. I didn't have much support. Formula feeding is pretty much the norm around here, and I only knew a hand full of girls who breastfed
4. I also had this fear of baby being too attached, to the point where I couldn't leave her with someone because she wouldn't take a bottle.
5. I like being able to know exactly how much baby was eating.

I've loves formula feeding. It's been a great experience and I don't think in any way has it lessen our bond. Some days I wonder what would have happened if I at least tried, but I'm glad I made a firm decision rather than being on the fence

 

[HBGirl]

The words "nipple dermatitis" have scarred me for life. ��

thanks for your answers ladies.

 

[BabyHopes1974]

One thing you might say to yourself is that there is no bad reason to ff despite all the pressure to do so. If you feel the need to defend a woman who is ff just say that. If a woman chooses not to then she should not need to defend herself.

That said, I chose not to because I am on medications that I did not want my girls to be exposed to. I have twins and would not have gotten any sleep and no sleep is bad for me especially (bad for anyone).

There are bad reasons to bf though (pressure) that lead to newborns being malnourished.

I'm sure people will disagree but that's just how I feel.

 

[mel28nicole]

One thing you might say to yourself is that there is no bad reason to ff despite all the pressure to do so. If you feel the need to defend a woman who is ff just say that. If a woman chooses not to then she should not need to defend herself.

That said, I chose not to because I am on medications that I did not want my girls to be exposed to. I have twins and would not have gotten any sleep and no sleep is bad for me especially (bad for anyone).

There are bad reasons to bf though (pressure) that lead to newborns being malnourished.

I'm sure people will disagree but that's just how I feel.

This. I've seen some women who push so hard to breastfeed (like my friend) who end up putting more harm to a child. I will never look down on breastfeeding but when your child is suffering, formula is the next best option and it shouldn't be looked down on for it

 

[noon_child]

One thing you might say to yourself is that there is no bad reason to ff despite all the pressure to do so. If you feel the need to defend a woman who is ff just say that. If a woman chooses not to then she should not need to defend herself.

That said, I chose not to because I am on medications that I did not want my girls to be exposed to. I have twins and would not have gotten any sleep and no sleep is bad for me especially (bad for anyone).

There are bad reasons to bf though (pressure) that lead to newborns being malnourished.

I'm sure people will disagree but that's just how I feel.

This. I've seen some women who push so hard to breastfeed (like my friend) who end up putting more harm to a child. I will never look down on breastfeeding but when your child is suffering, formula is the next best option and it shouldn't be looked down on for it

To me though this is due to a lack of support. Formula is a great invention when there are issues, and most pro-breastfeeding organisations recognise its use as a supplement when there are issues that can't be resolved through support and education. However it is not normal for breastfeeding to lead to malnourishment and sick babies. Something was wrong that wasn't spotted and I feel sad that this Mum didn't get the help she needed earlier.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

I bf my daughter for the first 48 hours and then went on to formula. I didn't enjoy it, I didn't feel a particular bond, I selfishly didn't want to.
My daughter is happy, I am happy.

 

[kj87]

I'm only in my second trimester with my first, so I haven't actually started bf or ff. However, I don't want to bf and I'll list my reasons why. I'd like to ff only. However, my hubby wants me to bf and we are having a nice discussion about it right now.

Reasons why I am considering bf, is because it is natural for my body to produce milk, it's supposed to be healthier and less expensive. (Those are my only reasons to consider it, however I don't think it will win out.)

My reasons on why I am leaning toward ff and will most likely go that route are as followed:

First off I am the oldest of 6 kids. My mom never bf any of us. So I have only grown up with seeing babies being fed formula. That is what is natural to me. In my mind bf is not natural. I can't wrap my head around it, it makes me super uncomfortable. Part of me feels if I go with the bf pressure I will just be uncomfortable and upset every time I feed her and there will be no bond. Just a po'd mommy. Also, if I do bf it will be pumping only and then giving it through bottle. I am not comfortable enough nor will I ever be to have the baby latch on. It's just something I don't want to do.

Second I want to share the feeding with my hubby. I'd like him to bond with her just as much as I do. I also love bottle feeding and I think my bond will be just as strong or stronger. I know you can pump and my hubby could help out that way, but for selfish reasons I do not want to still have to get up and pump while he feeds her. I'd like to sleep extra when I can. I think we could both benefit more in the sleep department if we shared feeding time with ff.

Thirdly is my job. I work a very busy 12hr job and I don't want to have to stop my job every 4hrs or so to pump. I might not be able to take a break at all during my shift, which I know wouldn't be good if bf. I also don't want to take breaks where I'd have to take off my uniform in order to bf. It's a pain in the butt and very time consuming to take off and put back on.

Fourth I'd also like her grand parents, aunts and uncles or babysitters to be able to feed her when they watch her. Yes, I know you can do this if you pump...but I really don't want to pump in advance enough to last her the duration of when they are watching her. Again, I know it's selfish, but I think ff will be much easier in that regards.

Fifth would be pumping in general. I know most women have to pump every 4hrs or so (could be less or more). And I really don't want to plan my day around pumping. Example, just went to a concert with my friends and after the concert we had to go back to the hotel room so she could pump, before going out. Once I have the baby and am able to steal a night out with hubby or friends, I really don't want to plan it around my pumping schedule.


I haven't officially decided yet, but these are my reasons on why I am most likely not going to bf. Some people may look down upon me (there is a major push for bf right now in the area I live). but I'd rather be a happy, comfortable mommy feeding her little girl than an uncomfortable and unhappy one. That is my two cents.

 

[Perplexed]

I hated breastfeeding with the exception of evening feeds. I put so much pressure on myself to do it. I had one flat nipple that I couldn't get my daughter to latch on so the nurses told me to use nipple shields. Once I started using a nipple shield on the flat nipple my daughter wouldn't latch on the other nipple and I had no support and just didn't know how to fix the latch. Nipple shields = shallow latch I think, which caused breastfeeding to be excruciatingly painful for the duration of 4 months. I cried every time out of the pain and my body was drenched in sweat because of the pain.

I exclusively breastfed for 4 months. But I think by then my supply started going down or we had some undiagnosed problem. By her 4 month appointment my daughter had no weight gain from her 2 month appointment, was having frequent dry diapers, was refusing to go on the breast. I tried to pump and didn't get anything. After having previously refused bottles, she started accepting them. My breasts only felt slightly full once after she took bottles. I just didn't want to try breastfeeding anymore.

Regardless of the pain, I loved relaxing with my daughter in the evening and feeding her. I must be remembering things wrong because there were days where I enjoyed it, and days where it hurt like crazy.

I'm currently pregnant with my second baby and due in April. I'm already worried about what would happen. I'm not going to use nipple shields this time and if I can't get a good latch I guess I just won't breastfeed. This might change though as in the moment I actually do put a lot of pressure on myself because the breastfeeding journey actually isn't that long in the longterm span of things, etc etc, but I don't know. I don't want to feel the negative feelings I have associated with breastfeeding again, but at the same time, I don't want to deprive my new baby of what should be rightfully theirs.

Also, I want to be able to go back to the gym as soon as I'm able to (wasn't possible when I was bf'ing my daughter as there wasn't even 15 mins to spare), and head back to grad school. But these reasons are minor and if I were able to establish breastfeeding and not have pain and be comfortable I would put these things in the back of my mind till my baby is old enough.

Edit: For now I've decided that if breastfeeding won't work, I will not opt to using a breastpump. I feel I have a great bond with my daughter not only because of breastmilk, but because I carried and cuddled her every time she needed me to. I feel if I concentrate so much on exclusively pumping then I won't have any time to cuddle and comfort my baby. But of course we'll see when he's here. Things might be completely different this time.

 

[Hit Girl]

Perplexed, you are absolutely right. I full-time pumped for the first 6 months of my son's life and I wasn't able to hold him close when he cried because I was either attached to a double pump or holding him against my breasts would trigger a massive let-down and I'd get extremely painful engorgement. I wish I had been okay to FF much earlier on. (FYI - I had overproduction with flat nipples - oh the irony!)