I have to tell someone....

[proudparent88]

Back in 2010 I got pregnant and left the guy he told me I was pregnant but my doctors couldn't find it just like my first. At that time I was addicted to drugs nothing illegal just the ones I was prescribed and abused them badly. I got behind the wheel of a car and was headed to get cigarettes. It was raining really hard and I was really high. I missed a very sharp turn went off of the road missed a pole went under a trampoline and hit a parked truck. I was taken to the ER but was ok except shaken up. A week later I miscarried. I don't tell anyone not even the doctors and things because I blame myself for losing the baby. I figure if I hadn't been high I wouldn't have wrecked if I hadn't wrecked I wouldn't have lost my baby. I still feel responsible. I got pregnant not long after that and it haunted me the entire time that I killed my child because of stupidity. I am now pregnant for the 4th time and have two young healthy little boys but can't get over the guilt of the loss of losing my baby knowing it was my own fault and I should have known better. I am really having a hard time this pregnancy with this again and it's been years. I just don't know how to deal with this alone anymore.

 

[JillieBean]

I'm so sorry that was something you were going through. It must be a horrible feeling to live with, but you are brave for telling us all about it.
I think to help yourself move in, if at all possible, speak to a professional.
Take care xx

 

[ERosePW]

Proudparent.... I can imagine that was/is such a horrible thing to live with. How far along were you? I'm wondering, are you certain that the accident caused the m/c, or was it a m/c that may have occurred anyway? Either way, you learned, and it's certainly not something you'll ever do again. You're pregnant again now, and stress and guilt like that can wreak havoc on your body, so your new little bean is one awesome reason I can think of to try and just look ahead to the future. You can't change the past, you can only learn from your mistakes. And it sounds to me like you've already done that. Look forward.....never look back. Guard this new baby's life with your own.

 

[VivianJean]

Sweetie - it's unlikely that you caused the mc. How far along were you? Just shaken up doesn't sound like the level of trauma required to cause a MC... and babies are resilient.

I think it's ok that you acknowledge you did something silly but it's time to let it go for your health and the health of your family. You can't feel 100% when you are carrying this around.

I had a termination just over a year ago because I decided that I didn't want to leave my job (I work in TV and was traveling non-stop with a show and it was my first "big" job - I needed to finish it to get the recognition so I could get more work). The termination really fucked me up both emotionally and physically. When we were ready to "try" it didn't happen. For ages. Oh how I regretted my decision. No job was worth this grief. Then we got pregnant and then it all went to shit.

I just had a MC a few days before Christmas- my precious atonement baby, the one that was going to make me feel ok about termination a healthy pregnancy for the sake of my career, let go and decided it wasn't going to stick anymore at 7+5. Do I feel like shit? You bet I do but... could I have stopped it. Nope. Is it healthy to grieve - absolutely, is it healthy to ruminate until you make yourself ill with regret. No.

Let it go. It's ok to move on. Be a good mother to your babies and enjoy the life you have. Give yourself permission.

 

[dairymomma]

My doctor has always said if you are in your first trimester you won't cause a miscarriage from being in an accident or falling or anything like that unless it's a majorly traumatic accident (think broken bones, blood loss, and a HUGE amount of force to the abdomen). My cousin was in a serious fender bender while 5 or 6 months pregnant with one of her kids. It was serious enough they put her in the hospital for 3 days for observation and she had a seatbelt bruise for weeks. But she carried her son to term without any difficulty. If you weren't seriously hurt, just shaken up, it's highly unlikely you caused the miscarriage especially if you were still in your first trimester. I can tell you are feeling very guilty but it would help immensely to talk to a professional therapist to help you work thru those emotions.

 

[ERosePW]

I really hope proudparent is reading these posts... she's getting a lot of support here, and I really think this would put her mind at ease. Hopefully she'll check back in.

 

[proudparent88]

I appreciate all the support and it feels good to know that there are high chances that what I did probably didn't have an effect on me to cause the mc. I was only 7 weeks. It was really hard and I do still struggle and wish I had done things differently but am realizing that all I can do now is to do them differently now not just for my sake but my family's sake as well thanks everyone!