I just cant get it right. At breaking point

[newbie1992]

My little one is 12 weeks old and she has been sleeping through for about 5 weeks now. Generally from 10.30-6.30 although does wake and whine a little bit if her dummy falls out between these hours. The root of doing this for us is swaddling her very tight, i know that your LO is much older so this may not work, but she used to and sometimes does have to be held throughout her naps during the day (we havent mastered that yet) but she is a very sensitive baby so has to be in a deadly silent room, and she jumps at everything still so swaddling her means she wont jump, touch her face and then wake up.. can babies of 8 months be swaddled?

 

[Larkspur]

can babies of 8 months be swaddled?

No, they're a pretty different kettle of fish! The sleep issues are different, and swaddling has to be stopped once babies can roll well anyway.

 

[MindUtopia]

I haven't read the other posts, but is there someone else who can help you with night settling. Do you have a partner around? They really can do it just as well as we can and cope just the same the next day on less sleep. We've always shared the night time settling and up until our daughter night weaned at 9 months, my husband was also up helping with every feed, even if he didn't really have to be. It helped tremendously. That said, do whatever works. Don't stress about all this 'sleep association' garbage. My daughter was fed or rocked to sleep until she was about a year. Then she just went to sleep on her own. No big deal. It's not a bad thing and they grow out of it when they don't need it anymore, but it did make it a lot easier to get her to sleep and we got a lot more sleep as a result. The wake-ups are the hard thing, it's the being awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night that's rough. So if you can feed or rock or whatever to get him to sleep, do it. That said, my daughter is nearly 2 now and still wakes at night. I don't know anyone with a toddler her age who doesn't, so it will be something that probably keeps happening for a while. The key is that she goes right back to sleep and we still get a full night's sleep even if we have to wake up for 5 minutes and since we trade off, no one is going weeks without a full night of sleep.

 

[Quartz]

First of all he sounds completely within the normal range, sleeping habits of babies/children and even adults vary and not all of us are given a good sleeper (I have two not so good ones) so as hard as it is I think you need to forget the idea that you are going to have a baby that sleeps through and naps easily for the time being but hold onto the fact that it will get easier.

So I suspect that his routine is not the routine that he wants but one that you want and that is getting you both stressed. Even the best 9 month old sleeper will have 11 hours and night and 3 hours in naps during the day (probably as 2) so 3 1/2 hours from waking up to napping sounds right - he might not be giving sleep cues at 1.5 hours in.

Sadly I think he may now have a bad sleep association - being put awake in his cot before he is ready to go to sleep and he wants to play and he is angry about that.

I think looking at his routine and figuring out one that works for both of you, realising that self settling by 8 months is not for all babies (some certainly but definitely not all) is normal and some do need to be helped for longer.

Its nothing you have done we can only parent the baby we get. He does not mean to be difficult

 

[Larkspur]

I think others are right about the short wake time. I have noticed my daughter will often give a few fake sleepy cues about 1.5 hours after she wakes up, like yawning and moaning a bit. But after 10 minutes or so or a change of scenery or a snacky little feed, she is fine. She's ready for her first nap 2.5-3 hours after wakeup and will fight it if you try earlier, but go down in 5-10 mins when she's ready.

As I type this, I remember my first did the same thing, fake sleepy signs a short while after waking.

 

[Lindsay109]

My LO is also 8 months old and has never been a good sleeper (apart from when he was really little and I could swaddle him). I wonder if your little guy needs a bit more awake time before he goes down for his naps. I know my LO needs about 3 hours of awake time before he's ready for a nap, and I've just cut him back to 2 naps a day which has also helped. If I try earlier than that (even if he looks tired) he really fights sleep. Even with 3 hours awake time he usually fights a little bit - most days it's just a bit of fussing, some days it's more. In the last week he's had a really hard time with sleep (fighting it more, and waking more frequently at night.... 1 - 2 wakings a night is a good night for us, lately it's been 3 - 4 times) - he's just cut his top 4 teeth so that may be contributing.

In any case, you're not alone! Sleep deprivation is rough!

 

[catty]

Its annoying but its just the way he is! my son still wakes a few times a week and hes almost 1.5 years!
For naps only being awake for 1.5 hours is not long at all, thats what i would expect of my 5 month old. Why dont you try putting him down slightly later, tinkering with the time a little each day and see what suits him best.
My son would NEVER nap in a cot, and still doesnt. I put him in his old baby carseat, tuck him in tightly with covers and put him infront of the washing machine. He is asleep within 10 minutes. Its a bad habit but if i put him in his cot even an hour later he will be awake even though hes very definately exhausted.

Id play about with the naps and schedule and see what suits HIM best

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I have always assumed waking up at night is normal till 3/4 I still hear my big 2 go for a wee or have a drink occasionally.

 

[Starry Night]

sounds like today was one of those days where the fight feels a little too hard. I had that today too, though for different reasons. I love my kids, but urgh, sometimes it's so tough to endure the harder aspects. Keep at it, tomorrow may be brighter.

My youngest is rather temperamental too and loves a lot of attention. Right now she doesn't even want DH holding her. Just me. She cries if I'm not constantly interacting with her. she's overall a fun kid, but that neediness for attention is draining especially as I'm an introvert. My oldest is one too and would happily babble and play whenever I had to lay him down on the floor so I could cook or clean, etc. as long as he could see me, he was fine.

My youngest hated being in her crib at first too due to reflux. She is a good sleeper now but I did a lot of picking up, putting down in the beginning. I would lay her down awake and pick her up when she cried, soothed her (she might still be wimpering a bit) and then let her whimper and fuss a minute or so to see if she would quiet on her own. If not, I went back and tried again. My oldest never fussed himself to sleep. If he started to whine that was it. I had to go in before the tempest began. but he normally went down well. DD is still hit and miss--especially at nap time. She doesn't have a consistent nap schedule other than her afternoon nap. Maybe this is bad but sometimes she doesn't seem to want to sleep. So if she gets cranky but doesn't want the bed in the morning I will hold and rock her, do whatever it takes to destimulate her so she can calm down. Some days I just kind of throw in the towel and give her an early lunch so she can get ready for an earlier afternoon nap.

She also likes the sound of a fan. I don't think she really needs that white noise now but when she had a hard time falling asleep it seemed to soothe her. It's way too cold for a fan now, so I have it facing the wall on the lowest setting so she just gets the sound. In the afternoon, when I flick it on, it seems to trigger in her brain that it's nap time. she starts to cuddle her blankie and tiny stuffed giraffe and will murmer herself to sleep. Even at her worst, I now only have to usually give her one extra snuggle.

 

[Bella1185]

I know this is a parenting "no-no" (although I posted about it on here a few months ago and everyone that wrote back said they did it too.... So can't be that bad )- but have you thought of putting a soft, safe, stuffed animal or anything that can comfort him in the crib with him? DD was exactly how you describe at that age so I started putting her Curious George stuffed animal in with her and omg lifesaver!!!! Now she normally just "talks" to George until she falls asleep! Not always - but a lot more often than she cries! I did it out of desperation and it ended up being a miracle worker! Good luck

 

[lovelylaura]

Is co-sleeping something you would consider? If any one of my girls wouldn't go back to sleep in the night I would put them in bed with me and they would spark out sometimes they just need that comfort of you. And I know you've said that you've always had the same routine but if it's the same one from a newborn you will need to change that, Emily is 5 months and she has her first nap roughly 3 hours after waking. I don't have a set day time nap routine because I find that it depends on how the night goes if she sleeps well she naps less if it's a bad night she naps more. I guess my advice would be to relax with it all he is probably sensing your stress about sleep and maybe try cuddling on the sofa with a film on it might help him drift off better.

 

[HBGirl]

Yeah quite often. Sometimes he wont cry till I walk away, other times it is just after I lay him down. It is not reflux as he had that as a baby and has grown out of it, call it Mothers instinct but I just know its attention based. He has always been a ''difficult'' baby, very needy/clingy, cannot entertain himself atall, and his temper is absolutely shocking and has been visible for many months (plenty of other people noticed it, so its not just me!) He is such a feisty little thing!

So basically your child is a human being with his own personality. My suggestion is adapt to him.
I have a crap sleeper, it sucks, but it is how it is.

 

[staralfur]

If he's taking 6oz when he wakes up then it sounds like he's waking from hunger rather than habit. How is he with solids? You might try giving him something like a banana right before he goes to bed.

Eight months was a particularly rough time for us, she's always fought sleep/needed an incredible amount of effort to be put to sleep, but I remember around 8 months was one of the absolute worst stretches we've had (but unfortunately not the last).

I honestly think that there's a good chunk of babies that can't be taught to self-settle, they just do it when they feel secure in doing so, which can vary hugely between kids. It's also not linear - my LO self-settled for months once she was 10 months old, and then all of a sudden went back to needing to be nursed to sleep for six months. Then went another few months self-settling. Now, at over 2.5 years, she's not even close to self-settling and she falls asleep holding my hand/stroking my arm. I'm sure at some point she'll self-settle again, and then not self-settle again some time after that. It's absolutely exhausting but just rolling with it and riding it out until she does it again is all I can really do. Nothing changes, and the first time she self-settled at 10 months was a night exactly like the nights before it, the only difference being that she was just ready to do it.

I know it probably seems like everyone else around you has babies that sleep and nap and are just generally way more content than yours, I have definitely felt that way myself (and sometimes still do), but it is normal for some babies to fight naps/bedtime like their sole purpose for being on this earth is to not succumb to sleep. It will get better. And then probably worse again. But then better again!

Once you hit the toddler years you'll see that strong will and passion come out and it will be easier to understand him. I've known from the beginning that my LO was a determined little thing and that she knew what she wanted and wouldn't be appeased by anything less than that. But when you see it come to life when they can communicate with you and express themselves... it's actually a really great thing.

 

[HKateH]

Yeah quite often. Sometimes he wont cry till I walk away, other times it is just after I lay him down. It is not reflux as he had that as a baby and has grown out of it, call it Mothers instinct but I just know its attention based. He has always been a ''difficult'' baby, very needy/clingy, cannot entertain himself atall, and his temper is absolutely shocking and has been visible for many months (plenty of other people noticed it, so its not just me!) He is such a feisty little thing!

So basically your child is a human being with his own personality. My suggestion is adapt to him.
I have a crap sleeper, it sucks, but it is how it is.

Very helpful. I'm sure Zoey will be grateful for that pearl of wisdom. This is a lady who has found early parenthood tough (I can relate) and needs support, not antagonism.

I second the short wake time thing - I remember the fake sleepy cues too. I also remember getting very stressed about naps (my LO was a terrible napper) but honestly, looking back, I wish I'd just chilled out a bit. My LO's naps got better on their own around 9/10 months and he began sleeping an hour and a half to two hours at a time. He also dropped to one long and one short (30 mins) nap around then, and to one long nap a few months later.

 

[nicki01]

I can really relate to this post. Its hard when they barely sleep. My 17 month old has just stopped waking every 2 hours since birth and has moved onto 3/4 hourly! She still wakes 2 hourly maybe twice a week tho so we are not there yet!
We have a few babies in my family at the moment and the 6 month old and 6 week old sleep better than my 17 month old, it really sucks!

At about 14 months I stopped trying and stopped hoping. I was getting more and more worked up by trying and hoping each day/night and it not working so I gave up and accepted her being a crappy sleeper! I still have days where I'm tired and fed up and it gets me Down but for the most I just muster on and wait. It can't last forever, she isn't going to be 18 and waking me up every 2-3 hours.
Tori has also been a terrible napper, this doesn't help out nights, she has always power napped for just 20 minutes a time. If we have a good few hours nap then we usually have a better night but this is maybe once a week if I'm lucky!
Your not alone, its mega tough!

 

[HBGirl]

Yeah quite often. Sometimes he wont cry till I walk away, other times it is just after I lay him down. It is not reflux as he had that as a baby and has grown out of it, call it Mothers instinct but I just know its attention based. He has always been a ''difficult'' baby, very needy/clingy, cannot entertain himself atall, and his temper is absolutely shocking and has been visible for many months (plenty of other people noticed it, so its not just me!) He is such a feisty little thing!

So basically your child is a human being with his own personality. My suggestion is adapt to him.
I have a crap sleeper, it sucks, but it is how it is.

Very helpful. I'm sure Zoey will be grateful for that pearl of wisdom. This is a lady who has found early parenthood tough (I can relate) and needs support, not antagonism.

I second the short wake time thing - I remember the fake sleepy cues too. I also remember getting very stressed about naps (my LO was a terrible napper) but honestly, looking back, I wish I'd just chilled out a bit. My LO's naps got better on their own around 9/10 months and he began sleeping an hour and a half to two hours at a time. He also dropped to one long and one short (30 mins) nap around then, and to one long nap a few months later.

ACTUALLY, that advice helped me hugely when I was struggling. It made me see it was not my fault and that my baby was her own person. But hey, if you found it offensive it didn't work for you.

 

[JessyG]

Oh hun it is soo hard. My lo naps ok but its In her buggy after I rock her for 10 mins but night time whoa boy that's a different story. She is all over the shop we never ever know what our nights will be like.

For me I do whatever I need to to get her and I to sleep rocking cuddle feed to sleep everything and all of the above can happen in one night.

It wont make you feel better but we have a support thread started by Larkspur called we waited it out successfully. Come join us and vent as often as you need!