I just don't know anymore!

[daisii]

Hi, hubby and I have been TTC for 16 months now (we tried for 6 months a few years ago as well, then I got offered an amazing job, with great maternity benefits, so we put it off awhile!!!). no luck, according to ovulation strips i do ovulate, i am currently awaiting the results of an ultrasound scan and am then going to be referred to a specialist. My GP suspects endo, and from what I have read so do I!!!!

I know 16 months does not seem that long compared to alot of people, but I have hit a wall tonight. Bad day at work, and I have a realy bad gut feeling about it all. Suddenly the prospect of never becoming a mum has hit me like a breeze block to the face and i don't know what to do!

I realise I sound like a full on crazy lady but I just feel like the world has ended. (dear husband out tonight hence I am pouring my soul here!!!), we have not told anyone that we have been TTC, mainly due to huge gossip mongers in our families!!!!

and I just feel awful! I feel ashamed that if we can't have children it is because of me, and I feel guilty and so sad!

I realise i am really not the only one in this position but i have to get this off my chest somehow!

sorry for being pathetic!

 

[Lou32]

Aw, you sound like you're having a terrible time of it...I completely understand how it feels and it's not pathetic at all. We're on cycle 16 now and with every month that passes I feel more terrified and utter panic that it won't happen for us. If you look through most of the pages on here though it does evenually happen for most - it just takes longer for some of us. If it makes you feel any better though, I have a friend who had endo and recently gave birth to a little boy. It doesn't mean it won't happen for you at all, far from it. x

 

[Leila Fae]

Not pathetic at all, I'd say it's natural! I'm up to 16 months too and it doesn't get any easier.

My family know that we are trying and how long for. My sister is great and listens to me ranting when it gets a bit much. On Wednesday night I tried to explain how I'm feeling about it to my Mum and Dad. It's not that they're uncaring, quite the opposite, but they had absolutely no problems conceiving and therefore can't possibly understand how I feel. It's so hard to describe too - well without sounding like a nutcase!

Our time will come.

 

[daisii]

thanks guys! and you are right, no matter how much I try... what ever I say I sound like a nutter!!! really i'm not! Just so fed up trying, trying trying and getting nowhere! patience is the key! but mine has run out today! (along with my sanity it seems!!!!).

thanks

 

[Wallie]

Hi,

I'm just about to start cycle 16 but I had been off BCP for a year before that too.

My SIL had endo and she has two lovely boys. She certainly seemed to get help which made all the difference.

I've only had CD22 blood tests done to check my progesterone levels and OH has had a SA and all tests are okay. I started spotting today so I'm out again this month, so on to cycle 16.

Sometimes I feel like I have more hope now of getting pregnant than I did when we first started out. I keep thinking, surely it will happen soon, but no, nothing!

I've arranged an appointment with a Zita West trained acupuncturist in January. I hope this helps me out.

 

[rachelle1975]

Hey hun

So sorry you are having a bad time.

It's all relative - 6 months can feel like a lifetime when you start trying and everyone around you falls so quickly. I feel less stressed now it's been years than when it had only been months which is mad!

I know a lot of girls with endo through this forum and another who are now either pregnant or have babies.

Having treatment isn't the easiest route but it means we have options - and if there are options we are one step closer to being parents. Not being a parent at the moment isn't your fault, its not self inflicted and it's nothing you did wrong. Hopefully the results of the ultrasound will help move your treatment forward you 2010 will bring you and DH something wonderful

 

[baybeehopes]

hey dont worry, we all hav days like that...thats y havin sum1 to talk to in these forums helps, we all feel ur pain. And i get to despair at times esp wen sum1 else i knw just falls pg!! Sumtimes i cry, sumtimes i scream (admitidly the screamin is just when im by myself) im hopeful that medical science will work for us *fingers crossed* just the weeks or evn months btwn app's does my head in...i was refered in march, only now hav they ref my db to a male specialist, but i was estatic wen app came threw, feel like we just 1 step closer, to becoming parents...we akl are! Lets all try to b positive an hopefully get sum bfp's in 2010...good luck, sending you lots of luv...x x