I just lost it and I am ashamed

[MEPride]

No real point to this post except to get this off my chest.

I am one sleep deprived mama of a 7 month old going through separation anxiety. She hasn’t been nursing much (or drinking much) from a bottle recently and we’ve been trying to transition her to 2 naps since her sleep schedule is getting all wacky on 3 naps.

I’m on day 3 of sleeping 1-3 hours total per night. Last night I slept from 12am-2am and that was it. My girl woke at 6 and didn’t nurse much so that got me frustrated. Tried to pump but couldn’t get a letdown.... and then I just lost it. I don’t handle lack of sleep well. You’d think I would considering I’m also an insomniac. But insomnia + a new baby is a whole new level of sleep deprivation.

I’m ashamed to admit that I slammed the bottle of what little I pumped down on the countertop, screamed, went upstairs, slammed the bathroom door shut, and screamed some more. I lost it. I’ve never lost it. Never. And I am so ashamed I lost it, especially in front of my daughter (who was safe with daddy, btw).

Hubby was an angel. He took care of us both and has been taking care of me since my blowup this morning. After I calmed down he brought my daughter to me who gave me the best hugs and kisses, which I loved and simultaneously made me feel even more ashamed that I so completely lost it.


Am I alone in losing it? Has anyone else just temporarily gone insane from sleep deprivation?

 

[bdb84]

Here’s the thing. We ALL lose it. Some of us are screamers when we lose it, and some of us are criers when we lose it. But we all do. As a mom of three, I lose it quite often. Us moms are stretched thin and oftentimes our efforts seem to go unappreciated so it’s no wonder we lose our composure at times.

Shake it off. You love your baby but you are tired. Sleep deprivation brings out the worst in us.

 

[mrsmummy2]

We all lose it.. some more than others. Some shout, some cry, some hide away and some pretend like nothings wrong til breaking point. It happens to us all and it wont be the last time.. just know that you're doing good mama. Sometimes we need to have a blow up to clear the system. I hope things will improve for you!

 

[whatwillbex]

You are human! Apparently sleep deprivation used to be used as torture. I thinks that’s why it breaks the calmest of people. Big hugs and don’t worry about it xxx

 

[BunnyN]

Having 3 with small age gaps I am familiar with loosing it. Our youngest is 15months now and is a pretty good sleeper so I am glad to say it's been a while since I really lost it. It also helps that OH has learned to recognise the warning signs and tends to insist i go and take a nap while he takes over. Its always the extreme lack of sleep plus added stress that triggers it with me.

 

[babyjan]

Your defo not alone x

 

[Rachelm2535]

Oh girl I totally get you! I have lost it so many times with five kids its a little embarrassing to put a number to it. But my biggest trigging in loosing it are the sleeplessness of having kiddos. There was one time I roared like a lion in my one year olds face out of frusteration, tiredness and pure end of my rope kind of mood. Funny thing is after I did it I started laughing at how ridiculous I must have looked to him. I have also lost it in front of my husband by throwing my phone across the room, oh how the shame burned from that time. All this to say yes it is so normal and walking away was so the right choice. You have got this mama. Get some help with your insomnia and mommy on. We are with you in this even through the crazy . -Rachel

 

[Sealion24]

I'm sure every mum has at some point! Sleep deprivation is awful, my youngest son is 2 1\2 and has never slept more than 3 hours in a row at night, combined with a 12 week old breast feeding baby and a 5 year old who gets up at 6am for the day I lose it far more often than i would like

 

[Teri7489]

Huge hugs! I have lost count the amount of times I've lost it, screamed and walked away. Sleep deprivation is awful! You don't meant to shout or slam doors, but it's just sometimes an outlet of the way you feel. Don't feel ashamed you really aren't the only one xxx

 

[citrusfruit]

I also lost it today, so nice to see we are not alone. It’s a horrible feeling and s someone else said it won’t be the last time. All you can do is try to prevent it by recognising your triggers and trying to avoid them. I go to bed are 8pm even though I really don’t want to sometimes as I know I need the sleep to be the best Mummy I can be. Still happens tho, still feels shit.

 

[_Meep_]

I've lost it WITH my baby. Both of my babies. I have shouted at them, plonked them down on the floor, walked off and left them crying ...

I adore them beyond what I ever believed possible before I had them, and they know this. Not that it makes me feel any better, but apologising and explaining, at least to my older child, is something I always do afterwards.

Neither child has experienced any ill effect and while I don't like it, I also know I am only human ...

 

[charlie15]

Oh god yes! With both of mine. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, that is why. It totally messes with your head and perspective goes out the window.

Everyone says this will pass, won't be forever etc. While that is true, in the thick of it, you just don't care, your want it over now! Don't be hard on yourself though, baby was fine and with daddy.

 

[CRWx]

I think everyone has had these moments!

As above, I have had to put my DD down and walk away (all safe, obviously)!