I just need to vent! Am I going crazy? (TTC # 1)

[Ch74_rod]

Hi Everyone,

I'm sorry for venting, but I just need to get it out. The pressure I am feeling is so heavy, I feel like it is burying me.....

I've been TTC with my partner (46) for close to 12 months, and to date, nothing yet has happened. For years, I hid the thought I couldn't have a baby because my older sister went through menopause at 32. I finally had the courage to see a doctor to make sure everything was okay a few months ago and was told that there was nothing 'wrong with me', that I was 'capable' of having a baby...BUT - that I didn't have that many eggs left and that I needed to 'hurry up'.

My partner also had every test known to man - and was told that there was nothing wrong. That he was quite 'virile'..LOL... SO WHY IS IT NOT HAPPENING FOR ME?

I'm 3 days late....and after spending the last few days pretending that I didn't care if it they arrived, I just found some brown discharge - which I know can only mean one thing - and it breaks my heart and I know that it will be another month of stress, hopefulness, fear and anger to go through.

To add more stress to my life, I am driving my partner away because of my 'obsession'. He is unable to give me the support that I am seeking, is bewildered by my constant breakdowns, is pulling away because I am constantly picking fights and is now starting to feel like a second priority to 'having a baby'.

We've agreed to take a break, which is a blessing because currently I cannot emotionally support both the needs of maintaining a relationship and of dealing with the strain of not being able to fall pregs.

Which has it's own obvious issues! So I am riding the worst emotional roller coaster ride of my life and I just want to get off, if I only knew how!

It's time for more wine and a new box of tissues for me....

Thanks for listening....

 

[Mammatotwo]

I could have written your post TTC number 1, I just never knew it would take so long. I just assumed you stop BC and you fall pregnant. I only wish that it was that easy for everyone.
I am so sorry that is beginning to influence your relationship. TTC is emotional draining. It is not a positive happy experience when you TTC long term.
I can give you all the statistics of the chances that you have each month of falling pregnant even when everything is timed perfectly. But I know you have probably read everything, know that and tried everything.
So just want to send you and your DH great big hugs. Maybe try and plan a you and him weekend away (no where near Ovulation time because if you are anything like me you could not help yourself)

 

[Ch74_rod]

Mammatotwo, thanks so much for your kind words....

I know I'm not the only one going through it, i others are far worse or in the same position - but sometimes knowing doesn't make it any easier. Thank you...

 

[Mammatotwo]

It is all consuming and does take over your life and your disappointment is no less anyone elses.
Enjoy your wine Sending you to use when you are ready.

 

[queenieplum]

Hi, sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I am only on the start of this journey and already devastated at not getting a BFP on my second month TTC! not only is it exhausting (physically and mentally LOL) but its a strain too, you have my full sympathies. However, now you have both taken a breather then hopefully you can start building from there again, and you never know it may just happen! I hope everything works out for you, and wishing you the very best of luck and baby dust xxx