I just terrified my OH!

[Nvr2Late]

alex, hope you're feeling better now and you and OH have patched things up.

If it's any consolation, my husband is like that too.. he's not an affectionate or demonstrative person, and gets annoyed when I ask him why he doesn't say he loves me very often. To him (as to your OH), you don't have to say it often to mean it, and he thinks too many people say it without really feeling/ meaning it.

BUT, he can do some very sweet things, now and then. Like tonight... he knew I was upset that my mom is ill, so when I came home there were flowers waiting for me

It's hard, I know -- I'm a very emotional and touchy person and would like more attention/ open affection. But loving someone is about understanding their needs and motivations, and being sensitive to it, right? Both sides have to compromise a bit.

Best of luck to you!!!!

 

[alex_85]

Hi girls, thanks for all your kind words and advice

I sent him a message yesterday to try and make up. He asked me what the story was, so I told him that I accept that he has his own opinions about things, but I would like if he could try to see where I am coming from too. He text me back "so all you want me to do is crawl up your ass and have sex with you. well, ok, but do me a favour and don't crawl up mine"

So we are back to square one. It's worse because we are in different countries at the moment, so we can't have a proper face-to-face argument and clear the air. I'm moving back home in just over a week though, thank god.

You are right that it is about compromise. I do try to hold back so I don't smother him, or demand too much from him. Sometimes this works, but sometimes I get hormonal, or insecure, and thats when it all goes downhill. Maybe when we are living together and I see him more, and we are in a proper routine things will get better

 

[Smile181c]

Ok, well, we've just had a big fight and I'm sitting here in tears

He has a really odd (in my opinion) outlook on life, and he just doesn't understand me at all sometimes. I have asked him over and over again to be more affectionate/tell me that he loves me etc etc. His opinion is that saying you love a person doesn't mean anything, its 'just a word', and just because someone says it doesn't mean they mean it. Which of course makes me wonder if HE means it, and does he believe me when I say I love him?

He also reckons that I am never happy when he says he loves me. When we are apart he will text me before he goes to sleep and says it, but when we are together he doesn't really. He also isn't very affectionate, and doesn't like me to be 'all over him', so I have tried to cut down on the hugs and kisses I give him, but whenever he says he will try to be more affectionate towards me it lasts a week or two and then he is back to normal. I get that some people are just like that, and I appreciate him making the effort to change, and he has told me that if he stops, just gently remind him, but we always end up arguing over it.

I know exactly how you feel hun...my boyfriend has been like this for whole time we've been together (just over 3 years now) and a couple of weeks ago I'd realised that I couldn't take any more and decided to end the relationship. After a lot of discussions and tears (from me and OH) I realised that he did love me he just has his own way of showing it. It was just a miscommunication. He thought that I knew how much he cared for me so that's the reason he didn't show it and now everything is out in the open we are back together and stronger than ever...I don't know if this could be a similar situation to yours? I don't think we'll ever fully understand the workings of a man's brain but just be straightforward with him and don't let him make you feel like you're in the wrong just for expressing an opinion!

I don't know if this helped or not but I didn't want to read and run =)