I know I'm a Daily Mail style leftist feminazi but...

[PeanutBean]

... Can someone please tell me when it is a pregnant woman's partner helps her grow the baby and push it out?

See I'm endlessly falling out with people on here as they are under the impression that the baby has been grown together. Now your partner might be the most wonderful and supportive in the world (after mine) but you still grew that baby all by yourself. Your OH might've fed you and held you and talked with you about your birth plans and even agreed with you but what did he actually, biologically, contribute beyond the DNA? I am assuming of course the partner is not an obstetrician surgically delivering your transverse lie baby, I would think that would be quite rare...

It would seem I am alone in my world where women should have a birth they want because they want it without needing the approval of the man in their life. If you or your OH want him to cut the cord or whatever, that's fine, but what is wrong with saying women do this by themselves?

I'm not underestimating the importance of a supportive OH, particularly for the emotional and psychological wellbeing of the woman, quite the reverse, but were he not around for whatever reason we women would still grow and birth our babies just fine. I know a snog can help bring on contractions but most women can birth that baby sans snog.

I just don't understand why it is so wrong to celebrate women in this one role in life that men can't do. Why must men be sticking their oar into everything anyway?

Here endeth the feminist rant.

 

[Mervs Mum]

https://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg182/LazerFlash/Applause.gif


....that is all.....

 

[PeanutBean]

If I'm a loon at least I'm not alone!

 

[Mervs Mum]

There is NO WAY I wouldnt have had my hubby with me. I ALWAYS wanted him to 'come with me' freely but when there was a sticking point on opinions then I did feel that I had the casting vote.

If you are with the FOB then of course you want this to be something to share and that you achieved together - it can bring you closer than you could even imagine - but if you arent or you have to say 'well on this one I just feel it's MY decision' then I think it's perfectly acceptable. Hopefully you wouldn't fall out about it. I know my OH and I did have words about my wanting a home birth and that was (at the time) outside of HIS comfort zone. In the end he said ultimately I was the one birthing the baby so my comfort was more important than his. And as it transpired he is now 100% a home birth convert and will recommend and suggest it to anyone who will listen!

 

[PeanutBean]

Likewise I'd never not want my DH with me and he is vital to my feeling confident this time. He's always been supportive so I haven't been forced to stand my ground but I wouldn't hesitate to demand what I consider my rights if it came down to it. Luckily for me DH does not feel he needs some other pretend way of feeling involved. He said last night that if OHs want to be a part of it then should just be a parent! Cutting a cord or bottle feeding does not a father make but skin to skin helps increase the bond and taking an active role in parenting is the most important thing. I realise I'm doing a cord cutting rant now and I really don't care what others want to do in that respect but I do wonder how many OHs are forced into it by their woman or, worse, might want to do it to play a role but then go on to leave all the parenting jobs to the woman for, like, ever.

I don't think I will ever get my head round why a man should feel he is owed a part in labour beyond doing whatever it is his lady wants and needs. Probably most men don't feel that way anyway and we sensitive women assume they must. I am quite happy to take all the credit in growing, birthing and breastfeeding my children. I am equally happy to give credit to my DH for being amazingly supportive, doing everything in the house when I'm too sick, rising to every challenge my general incapacity brings and sharing then taking over night wakings when I simply couldn't manage anymore. We each have our roles, why pretend it could be any other way?

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think it's particularly sad when you hear of men making these 'demands' of their partners and on top of that once their children are here they are happy to take a back seat and are maybe less than supportive in their parenting. Where does that leave a woman? Robbed on all counts really....

 

[PeanutBean]

I agree.

 

[chuck]

In all honesty after not coming to theatre with me, the quite frankly horrible comments he has made to me since regarding the labour and birth of out first, he has shown no interest in birth plans/hypnotherapy me wanting a doula I'd rather hubby would feck off with Dewi when I'm in labour and leave me with a Doula to get on with it....negating the need for him to call his Mother and have her rush 250miles to be in the house and bother me.

 

[PeanutBean]

Oh chuck! Big big hugs! I am trusting he is lovely about everything else in life! Some men just don't cut the mustard when it comes to 'women's things'. Hooray for doulas!

 

[Jenniflower]

Oh chuck! Big big hugs! I am trusting he is lovely about everything else in life! Some men just don't cut the mustard when it comes to 'women's things'. Hooray for doulas!

Exactly! That's why Doula's were created. If men were amazing as birthing partners then there would be no need and then lots of women on here would be without a job! hahaha.

 

[Bournefree]

I know there is alot of talk about faith.. Faith in your body, faith in your MWs, faith in yourself.. but spare a bit for the partners in your life. I know that it can be.. frustrating (believe me) I gave my OH an earful when we were expecting our first, but it felt soo good to let him know how I felt about everything, the birth, having a child, how I thought he wasn't adequatly supporting me, or how I really needed him to "Step it up a gear as we are having a baby!" - which really hurt him. He came through. He really came through. We are so much closer and stronger.
So what I'm saying is let them know how you feel, then have some faith. Oh and of course in the mean time, just keep making the decisions that you want. ;-)
As you don't need anyones approval and they will come through for you.
xXx

 

[pinkmonki]

I completely agree.

I do consider myself incredibly lucky to have an amazingly supportive OH.. BUT (yes, it's a big BUT) the baby is inside MY body and has to come back out of MY body.. Him putting it there, ended his participation until after the birth.

If he didn't agree with my birth plan, well, tough! It's my body and I'll birth the way I choose!

He was somewhat apprehensive about the plan in the early days, but I basically thwarted that by giving him an avalanche of facts and figures, telling him to arm himself with knowledge and if he still disagreed then to not be present at the birth.. He now believes in my birth choice so much that he's even joked about me having an unattended birth (my ultimate dream, though it won't be happening sadly)

I actually cringe when I hear men say 'WE'RE pregnant' Oh really? We are are we? Are you going to s**t a watermelon to really play an active role?

Umm.. I feel my rant head coming on, so I'll stop now...

 

[PeanutBean]

I think others on the forum think I'm weird and have a warped view and that my DH is some sort of abomination to make me feel this way. Couldn't be further from the truth as far as DH is concerned and I've had no man-hating incidents either. On the thread that sparked this I had someone sympathise for how experiences can colour our views, hope I'm ok and offer me hugs! Feminism is truly dead!

 

[Bournefree]

Ok..
Maybe I have got the gist of this thread wrong.
Xx

 

[PeanutBean]

Lol how have you interpreted it?

 

[pinkmonki]

I think others on the forum think I'm weird and have a warped view and that my DH is some sort of abomination to make me feel this way. Couldn't be further from the truth as far as DH is concerned and I've had no man-hating incidents either. On the thread that sparked this I had someone sympathise for how experiences can colour our views, hope I'm ok and offer me hugs! Feminism is truly dead!

I showed my OH this thread, and he simply nodded and said 'you're right'

 

[PeanutBean]

Lol that feminism is dead, birth and pregnancy have nothing to do with men or just everything?!

 

[pinkmonki]

Lol that feminism is dead, birth and pregnancy have nothing to do with men or just everything?!

Well I'm hoping that It's that feminism is dead, and pregnancy and labour have nothing to do with men.. But lets be fair, I'm the size of a house and somewhat snappy.. He'd no doubt tell me I was right about anything!

 

[PeanutBean]

As he should! It's part of Man's role.

 

[pinkmonki]

As he should! It's part of Man's role.

Hahaha my kind of thinking


Uh oh.. People are going to read this and think the OH is completely whipped.. And he totally is, know your place mere man! (*whispers - Love you baby, please don't ban the foot rubs when you read this *)