I know I'm a Daily Mail style leftist feminazi but...

[PeanutBean]

It's a good point. I certainly don't think this issue I've raised as any one easily definable reason or answer. Particularly in the context of the forum it's very easy for women to say anything they like about their partners to mask their own feelings for which they might harbour guilt. I tend to take posts on here at face value otherwise why bother responding at all but I've no doubt that some of what I read will be the whole picture in most cases.

But if we talk then about women's choices and why they want to do one thing and not another and why then they may feel guilty about that decision we open up a whole other can of worms! I personally think women who don't even attempt bf are barmy but I wouldn't say it in on here (excluding now obviously). I can assume that all the societal pressures are responsible for the attitude and have a rant about them and assume women would all be bf if society would let them but I doubt that it is true. It's impossible to divide up where responsibilities lie in the natural vs medical/synthetic debates. Probably some women simply wouldn't want to bf anyway. (I'm using bf as an example.)

It's very difficult I think to get a true idea even in a single individual case about what leads to the choices we make. But there are times when it is apparent that there are undue influences as those of us with bad hospital experiences know only too well. I suppose the important thing is the freedom and balance of information and a lack of judgement once a decision has made. But people will judge! We ALL do without exception.

 

[PeanutBean]

Pink I think your OH and mine would have a lot in common. Is he going to cut the cord? Having read about snaggle's lotus birth it sheds a whole new light on ANYONE cutting the cord! Lol

 

[pinkmonki]

Haha don't ever let them meet.. They'll form some unholy 'rise up against opinionated women' club

Re cutting the cord. Yes, I think so. Although he's been told in no uncertain terms that no-one is to touch it until I've delivered the placenta, unless there's an emergency (a TRUE emergency) meaning it needs to be cut sooner. I love the idea of the Lotus birth but I'm not sure of the practicalities of it.. Though I am still arming myself with facts on that one so that may well change.

Re your previous post. You're absolutely right, of course. I find I'm just fascinated with the dynamics behind people's reasoning and decision making. I genuinely find it hard to understand why women wouldn't even entertain the idea of breastfeeding or indeed why they feel the need for medical interventions that are unnecessary. That's not to say I'm judging (although, in a way I suppose it is) I'm just honestly trying to understand the reasoning, you know?

A friend of mine wouldn't breastfeed because (in her words) 'my boobs are my husbands' I literally sat there open mouthed, lost for words!

I think I'm straying beyond the point again (I have a habit of that) but it really is fascinating to think about. I know the majority of my friends think I'm crazy for the way I birth/parent though, so I guess they cannot understand my mindset either.. Very curious all in all. Thinking about it, Most people think I dominate my OH too.. They tend to be completely stumped upon learning that our dynamics are in fact balanced. He's just as strong willed as I am, he's just open to seeing things from my side and changing his view if mine makes more sense. (Which works the other way around too )

 

[Bournefree]

For me my OH was and is a central part of my life and therefore my pregnancy, labour and birth - for my DD and my current pregnancy.

I know that if I was stuck somewhere without OH, of course I could labour and birth just fine.. hey, my body doesn't even need any input from me!

But (and this is my big but!;-) I feel that as the person I love most in the world, who is my greatest supporter and advocate, who could talk for me if I wanted, who really knows me more than anyone else in the world.. IS the most important person that I want with me - and I feel my OH did help to birth our daughter. The love, encouragement, warmth, and simply holding me.. relaxed me, made me secure, happy and felt like my life-blood.
I believe as a result of this involvement with each other, we had a peaceful, loved up birth... and I really want my OH to be with me so much this coming time.. I would take my OH over all the MWs in the world.
xXx

 

[PeanutBean]

^^ Of course! So glad your OH is so good, mine is too! I think we're very lucky.

 

[PepsiChic]

I didnt have a homebirth but felt i just wanted to put my 2cents in here.

I KNOW that I could not have laboured and given birth safely without my husband. if he hadnt of been there? yes the baby would of been born, but it wouldnt of been an emergency c-section. I dont do needles, hospitals, medication, doctors, nurses....the whole lot. im deathly phobic of it all, and i have panic attacks and collapse. my heart once stopped and i was rescuitated.

its not just "some phobia" its life threatening. if my husband hadnt of beent here to keep me calm and tell the doctors to F-off, which he did a few times. then things would f gone badly very very quickly.

because of him, i had a wonderful, natural delivery in hospital and loved every minute of it with him. and he asked if he could cut the cord.

 

[PeanutBean]

It's lovely to hear all these nice positive stories about OHs for a change! I'm so glad there are supportive partners out there.

 

[kiwimama]

On a related note, if we're straying into male medicine, I remember hearing a radio article some time about the male midwife. I forget the dates, we'll be talking perhaps 300 years ago or so I might imagine, but at the time the practice was for the women in the village to support the birth. At the time apparently the male mw was much as our ob is today. He came with his forceps and other tools to help extract the baby when there were difficulties and charged a fee. I wish I could remember more. It was interesting that men have apparently played this role for such a very long time. I wonder if cavemen helped there ill-equipped women to birth or if there ever was a time our bodies were trusted...?

On our first night of our hypnobirthing class they went into when births were medicalised, and yes, they were medicalised by men who ultimately felt that women were not able to adequately birth their babies without medical intervention. I can't remember all the details with time scales, but I'll try my book tonight and let you know what I find out.