I Lied And I Need To Tell The Truth Now. : - {

[mhazzab]

I knew what they would also do to Ava that is why I couldn't let them, I would have died before doing that to her, it is just the way i felt and I don't want to offend anyone else who had it done, I just feel it is a personal choice.


I got very upset yesterday, as most know my SIL got pregnant 8 weeks after I did and she lost her( 6 weeks after I lost Ava) baby at 17 weeks. Well she had the D & E and that is fine but she made a comment that really hurt me. She said her husband was telling the doctor that he thought this D & E was inhumane and that the doctor turned around and said to him NO what happened to your Sister In Law (Meaning me ) was inhumane ??????? First off why would she even tell me that? Second it was NOT inhumane. I was so upset and it hurt me very much. How could people not know what they are saying is killing me inside? I wanted to reach through the phone and punch her out

Its not inhumane at all. But I think what the doctor is saying is that its inhumane for women to suffer the pain of childbirth, and not get to keep our baby or hear it cry afterwards. But unless someone has gone through it, they wont understand that when we go through that birth, we know this is the last possible thing that we can give our baby. We can give birth to them, knowing that we wont hear that cry. Your SIL suffered the pain of a loss but didnt get to give birth and its almost a part of the healing. I dont know why. I dont understand why she woud say that to you though.

I think you are right about what the doctor meant, but the way my Sister In Law said it, she made me feel awful I am so tired of people's careless comments and words to me, one day I am going to loose it and flip out on someone. I am sitting here and I keep thinking how she could have even said that to me??? I mean is she stupid (Well she is a bit loopy ) I just would never hurt another person like that especially my family...

I'm so sorry your SIL was so thoughless...I don't really know why she felt she had to relay what her doctor had said, to you.

some people just seem to be programmed to say all the wrong things and not think before they open their mouths! Please try not to let it get you down. (i should take my own advice - my brother said something earlier today that upset me and I have spent most of the afternoon in tears! I know he didn't mean to be thoughtless, I'm just sensitive at the moment as it's coming up to my due date)

big hugs to you xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I knew what they would also do to Ava that is why I couldn't let them, I would have died before doing that to her, it is just the way i felt and I don't want to offend anyone else who had it done, I just feel it is a personal choice.


I got very upset yesterday, as most know my SIL got pregnant 8 weeks after I did and she lost her( 6 weeks after I lost Ava) baby at 17 weeks. Well she had the D & E and that is fine but she made a comment that really hurt me. She said her husband was telling the doctor that he thought this D & E was inhumane and that the doctor turned around and said to him NO what happened to your Sister In Law (Meaning me ) was inhumane ??????? First off why would she even tell me that? Second it was NOT inhumane. I was so upset and it hurt me very much. How could people not know what they are saying is killing me inside? I wanted to reach through the phone and punch her out

Its not inhumane at all. But I think what the doctor is saying is that its inhumane for women to suffer the pain of childbirth, and not get to keep our baby or hear it cry afterwards. But unless someone has gone through it, they wont understand that when we go through that birth, we know this is the last possible thing that we can give our baby. We can give birth to them, knowing that we wont hear that cry. Your SIL suffered the pain of a loss but didnt get to give birth and its almost a part of the healing. I dont know why. I dont understand why she woud say that to you though.

I think you are right about what the doctor meant, but the way my Sister In Law said it, she made me feel awful I am so tired of people's careless comments and words to me, one day I am going to loose it and flip out on someone. I am sitting here and I keep thinking how she could have even said that to me??? I mean is she stupid (Well she is a bit loopy ) I just would never hurt another person like that especially my family...

I'm so sorry your SIL was so thoughless...I don't really know why she felt she had to relay what her doctor had said, to you.

some people just seem to be programmed to say all the wrong things and not think before they open their mouths! Please try not to let it get you down. (i should take my own advice - my brother said something earlier today that upset me and I have spent most of the afternoon in tears! I know he didn't mean to be thoughtless, I'm just sensitive at the moment as it's coming up to my due date)

big hugs to you xxx

You are a really nice person, thank you for talking with me. I know that on the due date it is really hard i want you to know I am thinking of you and thanks for being so kind to me.. XOOXOX

 

[Cassie10]

Wow... I can't believe she would tell you that! I like to truly believe people don't mean to say hurtful things but I just really wish they would put more thought into their words before speaking them!

I think whichever way you go about it is up to you... it is a personal decision and people have many different reasons for choosing. I still feel a lot of guilt about how I did it but that is just something I will have to live with.

Like everyone else has said you did what was right for your baby and please don't let others comments bring you down hun.

 

[Mellybelle]

Just wanted to give you an extra

 

[Nikki_d72]

Do you think that maybe she is carrying guilt about the way she did it - it sounds like her husband wasn't too keen on it - and is trying to justify it to you? I'ts so not the way to do it and she shouldn't feel guilty for her choice if that was what was right for her at the time but it strikes me that maybe that's what it is.

Also, I presume you haven't told her that you actually wanted to give birth to Ava, so she maybe thinks what happened was a terrible accident and too traumatic, blah blah and is trying to let you know she feels for you to have gone through that, as she couldn't deal with it. maybe she just doesn't think before she opens her gob?

It's hard hon but sometimes you've got to just let it go and realise it's their problem, not ours. xxx

 

[babyerin]

just wanted to leave you some xx

 

[Vickieh1981]

What happened with your delivery was not inhumane. Some people just don't realise that it is healing to see your baby and make memories. They think that surgery is the best way whereas it is each to their own. xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Do you think that maybe she is carrying guilt about the way she did it - it sounds like her husband wasn't too keen on it - and is trying to justify it to you? I'ts so not the way to do it and she shouldn't feel guilty for her choice if that was what was right for her at the time but it strikes me that maybe that's what it is.

Also, I presume you haven't told her that you actually wanted to give birth to Ava, so she maybe thinks what happened was a terrible accident and too traumatic, blah blah and is trying to let you know she feels for you to have gone through that, as she couldn't deal with it. maybe she just doesn't think before she opens her gob?

It's hard hon but sometimes you've got to just let it go and realise it's their problem, not ours. xxx

My best friend said the exact same as you, when her husband found out what it was the procedure he was like Andrea needs to get that? (This was before my sister in law his wife lost her baby) he couldn't believe that is how the operation was, so he was dead set against it and her doctor recommended it when she then lost her baby and I think he was really upset and he didn't want her to do that but they decided to go ahead anyway. Wow your really smart i think you are right, I think she regretts she didn't hold her baby or has somewhere to go to mourn, I don't know but she isn't the warmest person in the world either, I mean she just isn't very emotional. Do you know what she said to me when I told her I was pregnant (Mind you Ava was not planned big surprise was 11 yrs since I had a baby) I am so happy I tell her and she says "Oh I didn't know you were so maternal " I was like WHAT? I mean when she told she was pregnant 8 weeks after me I said Congrats. I think some people always feel the need that they have to be better they put on a fake face and pretend everything is fine,. I don't care who you are every family has something wrong some problem nobody is perfect, but they always seem to try to put on this show that they are. I am not sure why.
You are right it is their problem and that is how I need to act, I could never even if I tried be that cruel or retaliate. i just don't have in me to be mean to someone like that, I don't kick people when they are down. Ya know we both lost our babies 6 weeks apart and you would think we are family and we could be there for each other but no it has to turn into who did what and what was better and who will get pregnant again first, everything is a competiton, Well I am to old and to focused on getting well to play this game any longer so I will put on a smile and yes them to death . I know the truth and the best part is they know I know the truth.
Thank you for your wise advice XOXOOXOXOX

 

[Nikki_d72]

She sounds like she has problems and is a real cold fish, her loss, hon. You're right about not retaliating but I do think if she keeps saying mean or competitve things to you you do need to tell her to shut the hell up. From how nice you are I bet that would shock her into leaving you alone! It's a damn shame though, as you say, you'd think you would be there for each other, she must have some serious issues to not want to reach out. xx

 

[bek74]

You did the right thing for you and for Ava. Telling hubby isn't going to change anything hun, I still think watching u give birth to Ava at home or in hospital would have just been as traumatic on you both. If telling hubby makes you feel better then tell him, but I think it should be left as it is. You gave birth where you were meant to, in your home.
Love you always xxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

You did the right thing for you and for Ava. Telling hubby isn't going to change anything hun, I still think watching u give birth to Ava at home or in hospital would have just been as traumatic on you both. If telling hubby makes you feel better then tell him, but I think it should be left as it is. You gave birth where you were meant to, in your home.
Love you always xxx

You are right it wont change a thing to tell him. just like I would not change a thing how Ava came upon this world I always doubt myself I need friends to snap me back to reality
Love You XOXO Always OXOX

 

[Deethehippy]

You didnt do anything wrong sweetie and do not forget you are a strong strong woman. You couldnt of known exactly how things would happen and it was bound to be traumatising whatever way it went xxxxx

 

[dnlfinker]

Hi , I just wanted to say : Please don't beat yourself up. You did what is the best for your little girl. I really regret that I had to go through with D and E because the baby is not take out as a whole( you saved your baby from this horrible procedure). I didnt want to have a such a end with my baby, I wanted to be able to say goodbye , to hold her for the first and the last time and be able to have a funeral for her. I think Eva would be so very lucky to have such a loving caring mother like you. YOU TRUELY DID THE BEST FOR HER! SHE IS NOW YOUR LITTLE ANGEL , WATCHING OVER YOU.!

 

[kam78]

Andrea

I just read this post... I am TERRIBLY sorry you have been carrying this with you... Please, please, please do NOT feel guilty for what you did ...You saved Ava from being delivered that way... I would have done the EXACT same as you if I was in your place... You are extremely brave and what a beautiful mother!!

If you tell hubby or not, that is completely your call ... Either way is perfect OK ... I just want you to know, and i mean really know, you did nothing wrong! Nothing! I am in awe of your courage.... Ava is one lucky lil girl

You are in my thoughts and prayers pretty much on a daily basis lady

As I went to the cemetary yesterday to visit my Em'... I was wondering about you and Lil Miss Ava... Hoping the girls was having fun together, behaving theirselves LOL... I know you miss her, as I miss my Emma ... but one day girlie, we'll get to see them again

 

[Barneyboo]

I didnt want to read and run I just want to give you all the huggles in the world....there was no way you could have known the outcome xxxxxx

 

[MonstHer]

Hello, I'm sorry to bust in on your thread like this,
But if I'm reading right, the DOCTOR said that your brother in law about you?
If it's true (and I don't believe that lady is telling the truth, have you talked to the brother too?) it is a complete violation of HiPPA laws to divulge any opinions or information about you to other patients.
You can sue the crap out of that doctor for that.
It sounds like she is trying to justify why she did what she did.
I would stay away from her. She seems truly toxic right now, even if she is mourning.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hello, I'm sorry to bust in on your thread like this,
But if I'm reading right, the DOCTOR said that your brother in law about you?
If it's true (and I don't believe that lady is telling the truth, have you talked to the brother too?) it is a complete violation of HiPPA laws to divulge any opinions or information about you to other patients.
You can sue the crap out of that doctor for that.
It sounds like she is trying to justify why she did what she did.
I would stay away from her. She seems truly toxic right now, even if she is mourning.

No it was my Sister In Laws doctor who gave that disgusting opinion about me, not my doctor