I need a friend...what has happened to me??

[live_in_hope]

hey ladies... Read with caution, its going to be a bit of a moany one, but i need to get it off me chest....

I was sitting in the staffroom at work today...ive been there a while, had a lot of friends there but the headteacher changed whilst i was on mat leave and i came back to many new faces...anyway....

I was sat in there today, everybody talking all around me and i can honestly say i have never felt so 'out of it'...... I really had nothing to say to anybody, i had to leave and when on my own it dawned on me at how anti-social i have become... Whats wrong with me. I dont go out, i dont have friends, not really. (I moved to leicestershire with hubby in my 20s, so although i have a lot of family around me now, the only people i know are people ive met through work). They often go out and i never join them, i make excuses all the time and it basically boils down to the fact that i feel like i dont know how to enjoy myself or even be around people anymore....getting ready to go out stresses me out...its that long between times i go out, that i never have clothes for it...i never buy myself clothes coz i never go out so when i do go out, what i do have is soooo out of fashion...
Me and hubby go out when we can (but he has a lot of friends, he plays in a band so he rehearses and has gigs most weekends, meaning i am on my own most of the time...like tonight, and tomorrow night)...

Its frustrating coz i moan i never go out but if hubby came in and said, right, im babysitting you go out with ya sister...i wouldnt go! Me and my sis get on great, but she is a right party animal...she would love to get me out, but i cant drink like she does, cant dance like she does and am not single like she is or look good in anything i wear like she does....i am too self conscious now...i used to be so different, always up for a laugh, very sociable.....

I really really dont know how to be around people anymore, not in a casual / social sense...i dont know what to do!
I have met somebody recently, through my daughter who seems to be in similar situation...she moved here afew years ago and doesnt really know anybody and we've had a few playdates with the girls and we've spoke about going out just the two of us, which i actually think will be nice...i actually feel like i want to!

I am sorry this is all bitty and moany...It probably doesnt make much sense but i guess somebody would read this and tell me it isnt just me, or that they will tell me im being silly...i just want to be able to comfortable in a group of people, be able to enjoy being a part of a conversation and really laugh because im enjoying their company and not coz everybody else is laughing (if you get me)... I did wonder whether it was time for me to move on and get a job somewhere else, but it isnt that simple, when is it ever hey! Lol....

Would really appreciate any reply on this, just to make myself feel somewhat better xxxxx

 

[tallybee]

it's hard hun particularly with young LO. It sounds like you've maybe grown apart from people since having LO, sounds positive that you met someone in a similar boat though. I would be turning the ideas into plans to go socialise with her. xx

 

[live_in_hope]

thanks hun, i really need to dont i? Its all about the effort and with working full-time and coming home to a toddler, its much easier to just say no....i need to go and really enjoy myself whether its just chatting about whatever takes our fancy or a proper night out! Xx

 

[tallybee]

Yeah I reckon It'll be worth the effort to get out and let your hair down xx treat yourself to something new to wear, doesn't have to be fancy or cost a lot but just feel nice

 

[FAB mama]

You're definitely not alone! I am in contact with very few friends and they don't have kids and I'm not working so I hardly get to talk to anyone! DH works all the time or has other things to do so I hardly even talk to him. I think my mom is my best friend now. Go make plans with her! I really need to join a playgroup or something...

 

[kbwebb]

I'm the same, I've never been good in social situations at all. I have no friends, one friend I did have has now moved cross country. Think I need a mummy group

 

[Kay_Baby]

I have very few friends and always feel on the outside of the group. I'm the only one with children, until recently I was the only with mortgage as well! It means that they suggest plans, like going to a gig, I just can't justify the cost or my time.

I know I need to make some mummy friends but I'm a very shy person and new situations scare me so I've still never joined a baby group as it terrifies me that I won't fit in.

Oh and I understand about going back to work to a lot of new faces. When I went back to work after DS1 it was like going back to a different company as there was so many new faces to me.

 

[Camlet]

I am kind of the same but I am a stay at home mum so don't get the opportunity to meet new people often & even when I do I'm so awkward with people that they never like me anyway... I used to be such a confident person with plenty of friends I really don't know how I've let it get this bad but I'm such a nervous wreck lately that I really struggle to even leave the house lately & especially communicate with people I don't know (which is pretty much everybody lol) xx

 

[weewdy]

I could have wrote that word for word. So i cant give you any advice. Just wanted to say your not alone. We should start a group for all us loners lol

 

[live_in_hope]

thank you ladies i really appreciate your replies on this...sorry to hear there are so any of us in the same boat...
I first realised how bad i was when i was at a colleagues funeral last year (not at the funeral, i realised afterwards)...but there were many stories of nights out and all the fun for life she had etc and it made me question what would be said at my funeral?? Then i get upset.... I love my family very much but a part of me is missing and because i know what i used to be like it feels even worse and now harder to get back.... I have lots of friends online (mainly from joining on here back in 2010 who i shall remain friends with for years to come, but unfortunately have yet to physically met them). Ive wondered what that would be like? Xx

 

[DCS]

I feel very much like this. Iv never had lots of friends but i feel as though the ones i did have iv nothing in common with now. I literally see DS, OH, my family and OH family. Noone my age. We go into OHs work twice a week and even though i know alot of the staff there because i used to work there i have no idea how to hold a conversation. It is hard. I dont think OH understands how lonely it can get. I love my DS and we have some brilliant conversations but sometimes id like to talk to a grown up. So no advice but i know how you feel.

OP- where in leicestershire are you?

 

[live_in_hope]

thanks for sharing hunny, im in loughborough not too far from leics!

Its weird coz although I work, i still feel just as lonely....if that makes sense...i work in a school with young children, which i love. My colleagues vary in age and i get on with them. I consider myself well liked, but i just cant take then next step and go out with my colleagues...i used to, alot, and not even with the ones i really were friends with, any one was going out, i was there kind of thing.... I just feel so out of place now... So being at work, surrounded by people just highlights my problems if that makes sense... xx

 

[mummylove]

I moved to lancashire to be with my oh and i dont have friends. Does get lonely but sometimes i like it that way cus i just cant trust people as so called friends have stabbed me in the back. My family moved up here a year and half ago so thats better now i have them. I still talk to some of my friends from tamworth but here i dont have anyone to really go out with

 

[modified]

The only person I see on a regular basis is my mum. She lives with me. I sometimes will see an uncle, aunt, cousin etc but not often. That's it. I don't work, nor do I have the option to for reasons I won't go into, so that really is it. I never leave the house. If I do, it's to asda for dinner and back.

It's rough.