I need help :(

[Jillie89]

How does everyone keep going when TTC? I am the point where I can barely function each day - I can't bare to hear or see any pregnant people or babies (I burst into tears most times), but no matter what I do, where I go I cannot escape them! I honestly feel that if I cannot have children, I have no point in life. I have done everything else in my life I have wanted to do and this is the last on my list. If I can't have kids, (and forgive me for being irrational), but I don't want to be here because the pain I feel already is unbearable. It just hurts too much.

DH and me are are up to 14 months TTC and everyone our age (24/25) around us are falling pregnant and having babies as soon as they snap their fingers. It makes me so angry, sad and petrified all at the same time.

We on the other hand in the past year have been told I have PCOS, don't ovulate, clomid resistant, failed ovarian drilling, as well as DH has got a low sperm count and motility even though he is healthy in every other way and has been on menevit for years. It just feels like everything we try is a failure, a waste of our money, energy and time, and we are never going to get good news no matter what we do.

How do I stay positive when I keep getting thrown under the bus?!?!

I have tried talking to drs, friendly and family about how I am feeling and they just tell me to stop thinking about it, stop stressing and find something else to do with my time and enjoy my life without children... it will all happen in good time. I want to scream!!!!

 

[oneof14]

Oh honey, I am so sorry you feel that way, but you are not alone. I too have felt the same way and I've leaned on my DH for support. It such an emotional rollercoaster. I think either you need to speak to a therapist or find something that you can enjoy to help you think of something other. Believe me it so not easy, i know. Today I feel good, but tomorrow I can't be a completely different person. I dont understand why this is happening to us, but it is and either we give up or we fight with every breath to conceive out child(ren). I tell myself my child need me to mentally and physically strong and it starts now. I also remember taking that vow 3 years ago with my DH for better or worse. This happens to be one of the worst, but you have to believe it will get better, faith is all we have.

Lean on your friends and BnB who understand and comfort.

 

[Kimiw]

I am sorry you are feeling so down, I know exactally how you are feeling . It is never easy to deal with IF and those who have never had to deal with it don't understand. I am 30 years old and me and my husband have been trying for going on 7 years. We had our first pregnancy in August 2012 after my second cycle of Clomid (I have PCOS too) but I miscarried at 6 weeks. I have done two cycles of Clomid since my miscarriage but I am no longer responding to it, go figure. All I think about is being a mom and it breaks my heart in the worst way to know I may never feel that joy .

I have reached a point in my life where I have to seriously figure out what to do with myself because I do not want to live like this for the rest of my life. I want to be able to go to Wal-Mart and not have to avoid the baby section or walk the opposet way when a pregnant woman walks my direction. It does consume us and it is everywhere and reminders are on every corner. Everybody I went to school with (and even some that I used to baby sit) already have kids. Me and my DH are forced to just sit back and watch their children grow up. Watch every christmas go by without being able to see the joy in our childrens eyes as they open their presents. No pictures of our kids sitting on santa's lap, no birthday parties or anything else a parent gets to be part of.

It is indeed a very sad thing to deal with and it seems so unfair. Something that is supposed to be so natural just doesn't come so natural for us. I know this is not how it is, but it SEEMS like those who desire to have a baby can't, and those who are trying to avoid it, get pregnant at the drop of a dime. Those around us (the outsiders) don't know what we are going through, they can just try to understand. Many people don't know what to say, and they end up saying the wrong thing. I wish I knew what else to say, all I can say is I understand how you are feeling and it really, really sucks.

 

[jcr1988]

hey ladies, I'm with you on this 100% we're all going to have our good days and bad days for sure! hopefully we all have hubbys that are willing to put up with us going a little crazy sometimes! most friends and family don't seem to understand it, we all get the "relax, don't think about it, your still so young!" and were all going to want to smack them!! I always try and find a bright side in things, that helps a lot! (most times it's the silliest little thing! like well i guess i can enjoy some drinks this holiday)

 

[Chris_25]

How does everyone keep going when TTC? I am the point where I can barely function each day - I can't bare to hear or see any pregnant people or babies (I burst into tears most times), but no matter what I do, where I go I cannot escape them! I honestly feel that if I cannot have children, I have no point in life. I have done everything else in my life I have wanted to do and this is the last on my list. If I can't have kids, (and forgive me for being irrational), but I don't want to be here because the pain I feel already is unbearable. It just hurts too much.

DH and me are are up to 14 months TTC and everyone our age (24/25) around us are falling pregnant and having babies as soon as they snap their fingers. It makes me so angry, sad and petrified all at the same time.

We on the other hand in the past year have been told I have PCOS, don't ovulate, clomid resistant, failed ovarian drilling, as well as DH has got a low sperm count and motility even though he is healthy in every other way and has been on menevit for years. It just feels like everything we try is a failure, a waste of our money, energy and time, and we are never going to get good news no matter what we do.

How do I stay positive when I keep getting thrown under the bus?!?!

I have tried talking to drs, friendly and family about how I am feeling and they just tell me to stop thinking about it, stop stressing and find something else to do with my time and enjoy my life without children... it will all happen in good time. I want to scream!!!!

Oh I know exactly how you are feeling. Some days I say how am I going to go on? I am also on cycle 14 ttc as well and it's extremely hard. I also get told the whole "relax" thing how the heck are we supposed to do that? What is relax? We have to keep fighting!

 

[susan_1981]

It is so tough. I found that at the 1 year mark when all my friends were pregnant or had their babies, it was at its toughest. When my period arrived, I would go into the toilets at work and cry. But then I just tried to focus on the positive things in my life. I have a lovely husband, a lovely home, a nice job, in good health. I thought of people who were worse off than me. Even single mums who may never find the kind of man that I did. But it didn't take away from the fact that every single day, probably pretty much every minute of the day, that I was constantly thinking of my need to have a baby.

Then I kind of got over it. I got over it when people told me they were pregnant, it no longer bothered me because I didn't want their baby, I wanted my own. Me and my husband decided that after 2 years of TTC, if it hadn't happened within another 2 years, we'd look into adoption.

It did happen for us. Despite everyone telling me to relax, it will happen, blah blah blah, I didn't believe any of that and the month that it did happen, we were trying harder than ever!

Just don't give up hope and try to focus on the positive things in your life xxx

 

[Mrs Jewksey]

I've been through this & at my 26th cycle going onto 27, I just don't care anymore. It reaches a point eventually where you do just literally give up & go back to living your life. I have baby stuff here that may well never be used that I bought ages ago "for the future".
My DH was confused & uncertain about what he should do during the whole TTC process when AF showed each month.

But at the end of the day life does go on. I bought 2 puppies (staffy & a Rotty. both girls) & a kitten over the years & took in a 3rd little dog from sheer broodiness. They have filled the gap a bit & I focus on them with their training & teaching them how to behave around small children (JUST IN CASE!). They are all little stars although the cat acts like its a spoilt brat and is the naughtiest, but hes still very well behaved compared to some other cats and he plays with the dogs.

To be honest those two dog, I was always scared of both breeds, but they are the best pair of dogs I have every owned. One thing I learned with Rotties, they are very loyal to their family's but not always to strangers. Ours is fine with both, but I spent hours socializing her when she was a baby.

 

[popchick75]

I wish I could help. We've been doing this for 9+ years now without a BFP. The pain and depression come and go...at some points its better than others. The more I stay occupied the better it is. I just make a huge effort to throw myself into other things. I'm truly sorry we all have to go through this. Sometimes I think that if I could just know why this is happening it would be easier to accept it.

 

[Miss_Awesome]

Sometimes, it feels like I'm the only one who feels exactly as you described. Yet, coming here and seeing not only you posted about it, but all the other ladies who posted after you, gives me this strange sense of comfort. As if, maybe I'm not alone in feeling so desperate? I know it's terrible to feel this way as if life isn't worth living if we can't have children, but I 110% understand it.

I blame society and all of those parents/grandparents who act as though having a child(ren) is the best thing a person could do. Or that they aren't fully equal until they reproduce. It places so much pressure on the rest of us who are struggling and it isn't fair. On top of all of their pressure to have a family, I actually really want one.

I have wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl. I couldn't WAIT to grow up, get married, and have children. I was just "sure" it was going to happen. And here I am wishing away the desire to become a mom. It sucks.

Hang in there though. At the very least, you have all of us here who can relate, feel your pain, and wish you well because we've been there (or in my case, I'm still there). It's what's kept me sane on my worst days of friends posting hateful things about how hard parenthood is or their ultrasound pictures.

 

[Molae06]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Some days for me are tougher than others, sometimes I sink into a really bad depression, but other times I am fine. One thing is always the same though, I can never get the idea of a baby out of my head. Sometime's all I want to do is scream because I am so angry, sometimes all I want to do is cry because I am so sad, and sometimes, very rarely, I get in one of the best moods because I feel like a pregnancy is imminent...although that's never been the case. I hope you take comfort in knowing you are not totally alone, although I am sure it feels that way.

 

[Jillie89]

I have had a glimmer of hope today. Have finally got my blood results for the last cycle and my current cycle. I ovulated both cycles... 70nmol/L instead of my normal 2nmol/L! Big improvements. OBGYN told me it was great news and we just need to keep trying, especially now we know 300mg is working for me. He told me that with that level, we are at an increased chance of twins - now that scares me a bit but I would take ANY pregnancy. FX.

 

[popchick75]

That is wonderful news! Good luck and fingers crossed for you!!

 

[Jillie89]

AF showed her face this morning... looks like onto another month now... oh well, at least there are eggs coming out now giving my hubby's sperm half a chance and my cycles are a normalish length have to look at the positives even though I feel like crying atm.