I need help

[Miaw]

I need to know how to deal. This is so hard, I can't do this anymore.

Everything just feels so unfair, I feel like I am sitting here stuck in a loop, waiting to move forward but I can't.

Then I see people around me getting pregnant, having babies and it's just SO unfair.

My brother has a 4 month old, and he is the most cute thing, and I wish so much it would be my turn. You know it's just one baby so I don't get jealous really? But I just know that if his girlfriend gets pregnant again before I do I am going to die. I can't explain it, other than just, it's DEFINITELY my turn now? It has to be right?

So if she gets to have another baby before I do it's just even MORE unfair, and I just know they will have another one eventually, it's just a question of time. And I am here just getting anxious.

There is a small hope for us that my husband's sperm count/motility will improve when we test again in a month and we can do IUI (as of last test it is WAY too low for IUI, our only option is IVF) He had a varicocele vein and we got it repaired. But even then I still have PCOS, so we don't even know if it will EVER work.

Sorry I am being confusing, I am just SO tired of waiting. And I don't know what to do. I feel so alone.

 

[Mrs Pidgey]

Don't feel alone. We all feel it here. I feel so low right now because two of my cousins and my sister in law all had their babies last month and i can't even see a baby on tv without getting upset and bitter about it sometimes. We just have to carry on and hope we get there one day

PS. Love your Fluttershy picture

 

[Miaw]

I know what you mean, every time I see even just a picture of a baby I want to cry.

We are in a really similar situation, one of my cousins recently got a baby as well, he is 5 months old. And another cousin has 2 young toddlers. I am not very close to them so I don't see them but of course you still get the announcement and see baby pictures.

Two of my husband's cousins had babies too, he is Italian, so it means a LOT of parties. I got invited to both baby showers and me and my husband to both baptisms. I saw his first cousin once 3 years ago, and the second one I never met.

I did not go to the showers, and I am NOT going to the baptisms. There is no way. I won't go to anyone's baby things unless is close family or friend. I have limits -_-

 

[Mrs Pidgey]

I'm the same, unless its close family i won't put myself through the heartache of going to anything baby related. Only a select few people know we're ttc because i don't want people being weird around me or giving me their oh so amazing "expert" advice, i've had enough of that.
I wish you luck and hope you get your baby soon x x x

 

[Miaw]

My family and my husband's family know all about our TTC journey, and my friends too. And to be honest everyone who asks. I never wanted to make excuses or hear the questions over and over, so we're pretty much sharing with anyone who wants to know.

It's amazing tho, not many people gave stupid advice, and those who did I quickly educated them on how their "stop thinking about it, it will happen" and "once you adopt, you will get pregnant" comments are not only myths but also very hurtful. I would rather educate people, and I don't like living in secret.

But yeah, not too much "expert" advice, just amazing support. At least on my side of the family. When we told my in-laws we want to adopt they said "be careful, you don't know where those kids have been or how their mother acted during pregnancy, they could be sick or dangerous"

My in-laws are, to put it nicely, simple people.

Good luck to you too, lots and lots of baby dust.

 

[waitingongod1]

Good luck to you! I am in the same boat but have less answers to why we haven't gotten pregnant in the over 2 years we have been trying. We started trying before all of my friends and sister. Now they are all pregnant or already have babies. It's is HARD! Not sure why God sends some of us down this journey but I just have to keep trusting that God will figure it out even if it isn't the outcome that I was looking for....I am so sorry your having to go through this.

 

[Hammy58]

I don't have any good advice because I am struggling too. I just wanted to say your not alone, I'm thinking of you, and I'm sorry you are having to go down this path.

 

[Miaw]

Thanks, I feel a little better today.

I'm still aching all over, it just never goes away. I see picture of babies and it's almost as I could pick them up. I can feel the softness of baby skin, I can feel myself hugging a baby, I can feel myself putting little socks on their little feet.

Sometimes I have to close my eyes and take deep breaths because I know there is nothing in my hands, and nothing in my belly either.

I just wish this would stop.

 

[SmrtShe]

Thank you for posting this. I feel so guilty for being so bitter over other's pregnancies. I hid from them, don't answer calls and act sick quite a lot. My sister is 16 weeks pregnant after 1 month of trying and my best friend is 22 weeks after 9 months of trying. Here I am almost 2 years of trying and feeling empty.
Thank you for sharing your feelings here. To explain to close friends and family who have children is impossible, here we can say so little and have it understood completely.