I need help :(

[Mummy2Angel.]

Does anyone else just feel alone? I dont personally know anyone who has lost their baby, i am great at putting on this brave face to the world but i honestly dont know if i can cope anymore . I dont have any feelings anymore i just dont bloody care to be honest i dont cry that often, i try to but the tears seem to have dried up but this icy pain wont shift, i go to concillig, ive been to doc, i speak to OH, i try to get on with things, i try to go out with friends, i try to do things to remeber max, but nothing is working i cant get out of this hole. The doctor wont do anything ive asked and asked.....but nothing i dont know what im suppsed to do now? Im such a horrible person


I just cant be happy for anyone with a baby or who is pregnant, this girl i work with who is due the same day i was with Max its actuall hatred i feel towrds her i cant even look at her , yesterday she came into work at 1pm and had bought all this baby stuff, cheap tacky picture frames, all those wee 99p things out the card factory and she was swanning around showing it all off and i could just feel this anger inside me so when she left it lying around i squirted suncreamm all over it like the whole bottle i caouldnt control myself, she never said anythng about it but i swear i am actually losing the plot i need help but dont have anyone.

I just Max back in my tummy growing away insted ive got an angel baby boy, on my 3rd month ttc, i just know this isnt my month ARGGHHH someone help me please

 

[susan36]

sorry for your loss , just wanted to send you a big

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Sweety I know how hard it is. we all know, but you have to start moving on and looking to the future and the life you're going to have.

It's not her fault you lost Max, I'm sure she'd love for you to be pregnant at the same time so you can't hate her, it's not fair on her or you for you to have these feelings. I have two friends due around both my due dates and it hurts every time I am around them, but I HAVE to just accept that this is my fate and they have theirs.

Can you go back to the doctor? It really isn't good for you to feel this way and short of saying 'pull yourself together' (which I know isn't helpful, I hate it when my husband says this) I think you really need to try and get your life back.

What does your OH say?

 

[PresqueVu]

oh mate, I can't begin to imagine what you are having to go through and I didn't want to just read and run. PLEASE don't feel like you are a horrible person for feeling that way, its completely understandable and if that lady knew about Max she should have been more sensitive.

 

[Huggles]

and more
You are not a horrible person - it is very difficult to cope with a loss and it doesn't help that the doctor is not doing anythign about it even though you've asked. What i do when i feel i need to cry but the tears won't come is i sit in a quiet place with a picture of Jarrod or somethign that reminds me of him and i just sit and look at it. i don't try to think of anythign specific, i don't try to make myself cry or feel better. i just sit quietly, with no distractions and stare at his picture or think about something about him (if i don't have a pic with me). Sometimes it takes 2 minutes, sometimes it takes 30 minutes, but usually the tears eventually find their way to the surface and then i sob and sob and sob and that usually helps me feel better afterwards.

I think often our lives are so busy and we are so busy trying to carry on with things "normally" that the emotions that need to come out (the sadness and grief) get buried deep and they eat away at us but don't get a chance to be expressed.

Maybe you could plant something for Max - a tree, or a rose bush or something. And have it in your backyard (we have a rosebush in a pot on our balcony for Jarrod) and you can make that your special "Max's place" and when you are feeling down/low you can go out and sit by his special plant and you can think about him and remember him and feel the sadness and grief for him that you need to. You could put a memory of him by it (a scan pic or a name plate or something) and just use that as a way to focus your thoughts.

Not sure if any of this has helped at all. So sending lots and lots of extra

 

[vickyd]

Honey im so sorry to hear you are having such a rough time

I have felt the hatred too and the anguish and all these terrible emotions that come with loss. Even now that im pregnant again i cant bring myself to look at a girl i work with who is preggo...Seriously!!!!! I think we will never totally recover from our losses but trust me it gets a bit easier every day.

 

[Lucy1973]

So sorry you are having a hard time. After my last MC, a woman who knew what I been through brought a baby into the office and was basically waving it in my face in some way I think she thought it would cheer me up? This was only 3 weeks after my MC, and I don't know how I didn't have a complete breakdown in front of everyone. I ran and hid in loo!

If this girl knows what you been through, a little sensitivity would be nice, unfortunately even if she knew, she will never know how you feel unless she lost one too. It must be hell for you, and I understand the hate. It's not hate for her, it's hate that she gets to have it all so easy and is happy, and that you didn't. It's not fair. Particularly at PMT time of month when you are possibly facing proof you are not pregnant again with AF, it's just awful.

All I can say is for me it gets a little bit easier every day. I can ask my friend how her 14 month twins are getting on, and actually be interested.

Thinking of you, you will be ok, it will take time, just look after yourself and look after your partner. Take care

 

[wannabe mam]

You are not horrible at all it is totally normal to feel like this. I am similar I put on a brave face to friends and family as I dont want them worrying and even after 4 months I am having a hard time accepting it still. You are entitled to feel like this and I can understand about the work thing I am in a similar situation. Just keep going, fill your life with plans and hopefully you will be lucky and get your baby wish, take care xxx

 

[selina3127]

oh hun i know how hard it is, i mc'd at 10 weeks in november so my baby should be here in my arms by now, and now i'm on my 9th month ttc and feel like it's never gonna happen but it WILL !!!! just got to keep on trying and it does get better with time, positive thoughts for you xxxxx

 

[hb1]

Oh M2A I am so so sorry you are feeling like this - it's a feeling that even just getting a new bfp won't fix - you are truly grieving - everyone deals with this differently and it sounds like you are just not coping - you aren't a horrible person in the slightest you just need to develop some coping mechanisms and to work through your grief - you deserve to feel happiness again - to just feel content with life in general - I would def talk to the dr again.

For me the turning point was seeing my friends 5 week old who was born a month after my mc - I cried when I got the message saying she had been born but holding her was fab - I then spent a lot of time with my sis and her little boy - and the jealousy ebbed away....

take care M2A - I hope you feel better soon

hx

 

[Fergie89]

i can really sympathize with you here Mrs , 2 of my friends were preggers the same time as me , and i had a miscarriage ,, not there tummy is growing every week , and i just cant help but think, thats the size my would have been and get really upset thinking when they have there babys ,mine should be here at the same time :'( its really P*****G me off ... Chin Up .. & i know its not nice saying this , but everything happens for a reason ...X

 

[princessjulia]

mummy2angel i know how hard things get if you feel its gettin outa control speak 2 nurse or yr gp 2 give u somethin 2 calm u down i have lost baby in june its heartbreakin 2 c all these young ens goin abt parading there bellies 2 all and sundry it makes me angry im just hopin i get pregnant agen soon and i hope u do 2

 

[Huggles]

How are you doing today Mummy2Angel?

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Im doing a bit better, ive been given anti-depressents and have to go back to doctor in two weeks so FXed i start to feel better. Ive been refered to the community mental health team as well for a consulatiton, i'll take whatever help i can get i suppose, im just feeling a bit out of control x

 

[hb1]

M2A - I am glad you are taking control - I am sure that they will be able to give you some coping skills - you have suffered a terrible loss but you deserve to be happy again

take care

hx

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Thank you so much Hb1 Ive to wait till either AF arrives or a BFP shows before i take the tablets (hoping it a BFP but whats the chances ) x

 

[hb1]

You never know M2A - it really could be your month - in any month of ttc there is a 25% chance (apparently).

If it isn't try not to dwell - I know that the disapointment can feel overwhelming but any way you can keep hold of some sort of "what will be, will be" mentality would be good - especially when you're feeling low already

Hope the tablets help - make sure you keep talking it out!

hx

 

[princessjulia]

how are you today im glad you are feelin bit beta we are all here hun all goin through it with you. sometimes life aint fair i hope you get yr bfp this mth iv got wait til sept for mine lots of hugs and dont forget we are all here 4 u sweetheart

 

[Lucy1973]

Hope you get your BFP this month mommy2angel....

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

Thank you girls so much it makes me feel better knowing im not alone in this journey i just feel left behind all the girls i spoke to when i first lost Max who had there losses around the same time, are all pregnant now but its great having all you girls . thank you x