I need support to continue.

[Barhanita]

Breastfeeding hasn't been working out for me and my almost 4 week old... She was born 3 weeks early with a tongue-tight (fixed at the hospital). Her latch was painful and my nipples bled, I had to express... Then for 10 days we had success with a nipple shield, but she stopped transferring milk well-enough with it - so she stopped gaining and my supply dropped. Also, somehow she started hurting my nipples with the shield. I might or might not have thrush... Then I was able to convince her to latch on the breast, but she wouldn't stay long, the latch was shallow and half of the time she was extremely aggravated and screamed at me. So now I am pumping every two hours to keep the supply up and feeding her with a bottle. I do offer her breast with and without the shield, but most of the time she refuses (and she screams at the breast a lot).

We have seen a lot of lactation consultants.. I feel like I have been trying so hard. But there is no result.. Only regress. I feel like I must have done something wrong.. The failure to breastfeed is really effecting me emotionally.

But a few hours ago I hit a new low. I live in the US, but my parents are in Russia. And here my father decided to call for the first time since she was born. RIght away he asked about the breastfeeding. I told him about my struggles, and he got so mean.. Started blaming me and accusing of me not trying hard enough and making excuses. I hanged up on him and started crying.. After a few minutes I got this message:

Spoiler

"We are not mean. What's mean - is to clip a newborn's tongue. Clip your clitoris and try to f%%k after that. What a dumbass decided to clip it? Forget about your emotions and think about the baby. Your mother nursed you till your were 1 years old, her milk supply dropped 5 times, but I gave her nettles tea, walnuts boiled meat.. and two days later she would have too much milk. If you wouldn't suck on her breast you wouldn't grow up to be smart and go to Stanford. Read about the inteligence-sucking connection. Lay in bed with Lena, give her just the breast and eat grass-fed beaf for 3 days. And turn your postpartum psychosis off. Take valerian root and find A Russian lactation consultant. If Lena get's cold because she is too hungry, cover her with a blanket. Forget about your emotions. If you want her to take your breast we can help you. But by American standards we will be mean to you. It's either emotional comfort or the result, not both. You have to be mean to yourself. Don't listen to morons who specialize in tongue and boob clipping. Ask them how many kids they nursed. I made my wife nurse for three years. She hated it at the end, but I made her. You don't need emotional support, your daughter does."

So now I cannot imagine feeling worse..

Please tell me that everything is ok? Maybe there is still a chance for my baby to latch? What do you think I've done wrong?

Sorry for such a long and emotional posting. It's 2 am and I am pumping and crying.. I need to talk to someone.

 

[joo]

wow! no wonder you're feeling so upset! i would think that mean too, although on the other side of the coin it's probably his way of tough love, & may be a difference in culture(?) but please, please don't blame yourself. Breastfeeding is really tough for most people in the beginning. My friend's dd was just born with tongue tie. The baby was getting distressed with every feed because she couldn't latch properly & get enough milk. She got the tie snipped at 5 weeks & she has had to learn all over again how to latch, but to me not doing anything about the tie would have been mean. I'm not sure if this is true but I've heard tongue tie can sometimes lead to speech difficulties in some children, so best to get it sorted straight away. Some of his advice is kind of helpful - when i had troubles at 4 weeks old I took my baby to bed & just fed & slept for almost a week! I'm sorry i don't have any advice re nipple shields or getting baby to latch, just didn't want to read & run. I have found thebkellymom websitr really useful and also google dr jack newman, i found his guides helpful when i was struggling with bad latch. xxxx

 

[New Mrs W]

Oh my god, sorry I know he's your father but he sounds like a tyrant. You sound like you're doing everything you can and you're still sticking with it. Don't listen to him x

 

[hiladun]

Please don't listen to this bollocks. Sorry to be disrespectful to your father, but he's been disrespectful to you. (And me, and a huge proportion if the women on this board no doubt).
The only bit I can condone is taking yourself and baby into bed for some bonding and hopefully BFing in a low-pressure environment. I also hear great things about taking a bath together and BF there.

But I mainly wanted to say: disregard this completely unhelpful and upsetting 'advice' and hopefully others will be along soon with more practical advice. Until then kellymom is always helpful.
You're doing so great to keep going even though you're having a tough time.
We support you.

 

[New Mrs W]

Sorry double post x

 

[Barhanita]

Thank you for your support..