I need your opinions pls... long, sorry

[babyhopesxx]

Hi, i just wanted your thought on my 5 yr old son and his behaviour. I don't know if he has a behavioural prob or something else.

Basically the main problem is when he doesn't get his own way. Last night my nephew was round and they both wanted to play with a helicopter and started argueing with it. So i took it away from both of them (if they cant share or play nice then no one has it) my 2 yr old nephew had a little cry but very soon got over it. But my son totally lost the plot and i know children can cry and throw a temper to get their own way but this was way over and above this. My DS screamed and screamed and got himself so worked up. It was late so i know he was very tired so i just got him ready for bed but he carried on crying and was very very upset. I eventually sat in with him and gave him a cuddle and then he calmed down and went to sleep.

That was just one example but every day he wants to know our plans for the day and i have to go through them about 5 times with him and if the plans change for some reason he just can't cope with it and gets very upset. He is also obsessed with the time, he wants to know the time constantly.

He is also obsessed with the computer game 'The Sims'. He plays it a lot but lately i have reduced the amount of time he spends on it. When we are out he runs about and acts like he is a sim and i sometimes get funny looks from other people.

When he was 3 his nursery teacher thought he may have autism but nothing come of that. He is a bit behind at school but usually catches up after some extra one to one attention.

When he can't do something he wants his reacton is totally out of control and he gets so very upset over the smallest thing which can be blown totally out of proportion. When i try and talk to him about it he just says i've upset him from telling him off but he doesn't get the reason i'm telling him off and he can't behave this way.

Do you think he could have behavioural probs or is it something i'm doing wrong? And thank you if you've managed to read this far

 

[lynne192]

personally dealing with people and a children mental health problems and behavoural problems it sounds normal to me but i would talk to your health vistior about it, personally it could be tirdness etc also remember your son is older so he will be learning from peers so your nephew because of his age would be better about letting things go and moving on where as a 5 year old wont, also is he an only child?

 

[babyhopesxx]

Yeah he's an only child at the mo

 

[lynne192]

might be the main cause you would be surprised how many parents with one child have this problem but do speak to your health visitor or to the wee mans school x they would have highlighted anything if they suspected extra needs x

 

[babyhopesxx]

His nursery teacher said that she thinks he may have slight autism and got in a ed psych to look at him but then he moved classes and nothings happened since then. Also his recent teacher said during one parents evening that she suspects there may be something there but didn't elaborate on what, and i've asked her since then how he's going and she says he's getting on ok. So i don't know where to go from here?

If it's just his behaviour at the mo then i really need help in getting these tempters under control because they just blow up out of nowhere and in a small amount of time he's gotten so upset and i have to cry and calm him down again. It just upsets me when he gets like this coz there really is no need for him to get this worked up.

 

[lynne192]

you'd be surprised how many young boys are on the list for suspected autism and turns out to be nothing, when he has a "meltdown" what do you do step by temp? have you tried time out? or isolation or anything like this? or do you cuddle to try and subdue him? my son is 4 and currently on his record has suspected aspergers, AD/HD and OCD he is in nursery but he doesn't speak very much or very well his understand is very poor but he's very good with trains, construction toys or computers etc. he hates people singing etc he has alot of pet hates and he will not eat he only drinks milk and orange juice. its nightmare because he is soo tiny but he was premmie so. but anyways i would talk to your health visitor all these reports should have gone to her and she can do an assessment then refer you on to the right people, where abouts in hertfortshire are you we used to live in royston

 

[babyhopesxx]

I put him in his room to let him let off some steam but he usually sits there howling for ages so i eventually go in and comfort him in the end. I've also tried taking games away and this does tend to work until he gets them back again. I always sit down with him,once he's calmed down, and explain what he's done wrong and why i've taken games away. But i get the usual, you've upset me by doing this, and doesn't understand that when playing up, he can't be allowed to behave like this.
I'm from stevenage, but son's dad is from royston

 

[JASMAK]

my son has a hard time with change, and always has...but he does not have autism (he is now 8). I always try to help by giving lots of notice (5 minute warnings etc). But, a temper is a temper and I pay no mind to it. Just walk away and let it be.

 

[lynne192]

i agree i was told to leave james to his own by the doctors etc, its good that he can voice his emotions though thats not very common in kids with autism.

 

[babyhopesxx]

When shanes loses his temper i tend to leave him alone but he can't calm himself down so i end up going in there to calm him down. When i try talking to him about it he just says i've upset him. Doesn't understand that when he's misbehaving he can't be allowed to behave this way and there's consequences. As far as he's concerned i've just upset him by telling him off, taking things away etc.
Like the other day with the incident with my nephew. The toy was taken away, my 2 yr old nephew cried for a bit as you'd expect with children, but nearly 6 yr old son had a meltdown over it. I explained why the toy was taken away but ds didn't seem to grasp the reason why.
Thanks for your comments too ladies, maybe its the way i deal with him

 

[lynne192]

i would personally let him be upset my son often tells me he hates me doesn't love me or doesn't want me as his mummy anymore his latest is "i'm not talking to you" we just say thats fine then and make sure he knows he's in the wrong i used to spend hours giving my son the cold shoulder and it really worked along with time outs they work too now when i say time out my son calms down and says sorry and he has suspected mental health issues. when i was little (i have aspergers syndrome) i never used to talk much was too shy and didn't really have meltdowns unless someone changed something or if say someone said we were doing something and then they decided we weren't i still suffer from internal meltdowns when people change plans or appointments or cancelled etc it really effects me, again do talk to medical professional and get a follow up on what the nursery and school said, don't want your son going without needed help and if your suffering then they can help.

 

[babyhopesxx]

Yeah my son doesn't like me at the mo and often tells me i'm not his friend and that he wants to live with his dad (we're not together) but i just say 'ok then'.
I've made an appt at the docs for tuesday and taking my mum with me for a bit of moral support. 2 of shanes teachers have said that he may have slight autism but his most recent teacher said that he's doing ok lately at school so i dont know where to go where school are concerned.
My sister who is also a teacher and done a course of child psych has said for years that he has slight traits of this. I've googled it but reading the symptoms, and i know they vary a lot, i think that most people have these traits and most traits i think are completely normal in everybody.
Shane hasn't had a meltdown in ages but is having more lately, possibly due to being off school now, and his class being mixed about in september, and a baby on the way. It's a lot for a child to deal with and maybe it's just his way of expressing his concerns or worries. Which i've read and been told that people with autism can't cope with change (and i know my son doesn't cope very well with it) but to be honest many people and adults worry about change dont they?
Suppose will just see how it goes on tuesday, thanks for your help, i'm feeling a bit better after talking to you.

 

[lynne192]

the simple baby on the way could be a cause it can create alot of jealousy, i know my brother was 5 years old when i was born and apparently when my mum was maybe 3months away from giving birth my brother got really really bad his behavour just seemed to go awol i dunno my son has never had to deal with pregnancy because i have always lost mine way before he could ever understand whats going on, although my son stated he wants a brother or sister we have a dog and you can see the jealousy pretty bad in him from that, it could be attention thing due to the pregnancy and new baby on the way mixed with lack of school i know kids get awful bored during the holidays my son has been climbing the walls as have we since he got on holiday. i really hope you get some help soon and maybe keep a day to day diary of his habbits etc to take with you? might be able to give them an idea of whats going on? my son has between 10 and 20 meltdowns a day, i used to have them too but not as bad as that, he is obsessed with trains and i don't doubt he would take someones live for disturbing his trains/anything he has sorted, he used to spent alot of his time sorting all his toys into order then into size, he hates mess, but he also used to hate baths, he wont let you touch his head and until recently he had long hair which we managed to cut off, so its short and manageable now, he also doesn't eat anything because he hates the texture of foods, his speech is pretty poor and his understanding ever more so. he repeats what he says over and over again like a broken record and will point out everything and have to keep telling you until you reply to it like if we're on a bus he will tell me everything he sees, from a man with blue shirt, to a shop being closed or open etc, he is extremely clumbsy too like myself i used to fall down the stairs every week, my son has alot of scars because of this, but he is great with computer, he loves construction toys etc, he is a very boyish boy, you have to have a sort of timetable for him he likes things to be kept the same, bedtime is the same he gets read his book then mummy is allowed to read her book. my son's list is pretty long at first they put his problems down to being premature but when he still wasn't talking at 3 they started to worry and pick up on all the problems. i really hope doctors help you and your son gets the help and understanding he deserves x