I need your thoughts on this...

[shaunanicole]

I called FOB back today after I hung up on him (HAHAH) and we started talking about my med bills and this and that. He said he is willing to pay all the med bills and half of whatever I buy for the baby. He told me he really didn't want to go to court because he would have to take time off work and he'd probably lose his job over it. So he asked if I would sit down and come to some agreements with him about the whole ordeal. He said we can come to terms on the visitation rights, what he pays me monthly, etc. He said that he is willing to sign a contract with me instead of going through the whole court system. He told me that he will pay half of any med bills we have with the baby, half of the diaper food and clothing expenses, and on top of that give me money to help for the whole month.

In my opinion it's better then going to court and if he signs a contract with me (I will get a lawyer to write it out and advise me on it) there is no way he can pull any stunts. My only worry is that if things go sour and he decides he doesn't want to follow the guidelines of our contract that I will be screwed because I'll have to make a date with the court, get a lawyer, wait on the judges ruling, etc.

What does everyone think of this plan? So far he has been very honest and giving as far as financial aide. He has paid some of my med bills, bought the baby 150 dollars worth of stuff, and checks up on a daily basis to see how everything is going. I really at this point have no reason to doubt he wants to take care of his responsibility with helping with the baby. On the days he says I will have money for my med bills is the day I get the money, he has brought me to the majority of my doc appointments, etc.

Do you think it would be better to skip the courtroom and just make agreements on financial aide and visitation rights? Or would it be better to just go to court? Please be honest and blunt cus I don't want to make the wrong move.


Thanks!

 

[purpledahlia]

I think if you go to court, it will take longer and he will just be ordered to give you a certain amount of money... i dont know for sure but theres no specifics, it would be child maintenance would be 'x' amount per month.. I think what he is willing to pay sounds great, I would Def agree to this and i would also def get a lawyer to write it up. Maybe you two could split the cost of a lawyer of YOUR choice and meet with him, give him both your details of what you want and what he's willing to do.. let the lawyer write it out, and then sign! As far as visiting goes id say you have to decide when you want him to see baby, if its alone or in your company too... That can all go in contract. Its a binding legal document so if he breaks it then he will get in trouble...

 

[mz_jackie86]

Hun, if you can sort things out without goin to court and he is willing to sign a contract then i say go for it cos there is nothing messier than a court case!
He sounds honest enough and as u said has already footed the bill for things and checks up on u and bubz...my babies dad hasnt even asked how his baby is.....so i say stick with the plan and if he has the contract then it cant really go wrong!! xxx

 

[kimfrye661]

Id definitely do the contract thing. Not to sound greedy but you'll probably get more doing it that way than if you go to court. Okay, that does sound greedy, but its for your baby! Definitely think the contract sounds like a better idea.

 

[precious-gift]

hi im doing the same as you, he has agreed maintenence which is more that what i would get if i went to court, and we have kind of agreed access, although i still don't want his girlfriend near my baby, he has agreed to this, and states that he wants to be as involved as he can be with bringing up baby.

i think if you can agree between yourselves, it will be better for the baby, as going to court could make things difficult between you. it has been hard for me to accept, but i don't want to be bitter and be one of these women who try to stop access because he hurt me, because ultimately i'd only hurt the baby, and he may turn out to be a good father. xx

 

[shaunanicole]

Thanks everyone! I think the contract is a better idea as well and my mom totally agreed to. I'd be getting more out of this deal and we'd be able to set up more flexible visitation rights. Because in the beginning when the baby is still a newborn he will NOT be left alone with him/her. I will go to his apartment and stay with him and the baby. The only thing that sucks is I know he is going to want to introduce the baby to all his friends/family and I don't get along with any of them. Oh well though, the court would prob make it to where I didn't have to be there so at least I can step in if someone gets rough with the baby.

 

[xarlenex]

Yeah, the contract is much less hassle and your getting far more out of it!

 

[MummyMummy]

of course if things don't have to go to solicitors/courts then it would save alot of hassell/stress/money... but i just want to mention a few things that happened with me and my ex.

when we split up it was always assumed he would give £100 a month maintenance (we had nothing written up, but if he broke the contract all you could then do would be to go to court wouldn't it? and there's no saying you will get as gooda deal as you do now is there, so to speak?). and would see the baby and keep in contact regularly, like he'd be around all the time etc etc - this was all assumed from what we'd spoken about when we were together, and when we had just split (we didn't split on bad terms and still would hang out just us with baby, as a family when i was 'seeing' my mr.man) and it goes without saying i'd never stop him seeing the baby etc etc it isn't myplace to do that just to bea funny bugger, he knew that.

as with allthings though... the novelty wore off. i'd have to ask him literally a week before he got paid to not forget the babys maintenance money etc etc. and even then he'd come up with excuseslike 'i've drawn all i can out of my bank' - of course he couldn't walk to the bank in the townwhere he was that day. nor could he pre arrange something.

now, although we went through solicitors (his doing) 9months or so after arrangements being sorted he started to loose interest again and take the piss, so much so we have a health visitor coming out to assess my son due to 'anxiety issues' he's having over his dad! this month he hasn't mentioned anything about maintenance, he's only seen baby for 3.5hours in over 5weeks! he hasn'teven phoned to ask about the baby/seeing the baby!

so although you think you have a perfect arrangement, i wouldn't rely on it. i'd always if i was you make sure things like clothes/food/medical bills you can afford yourself 'just incase' you might be thinking 'he isn't like that' and 'that's not what he'd do' well surprise surprise ithought that too, i it seems from what peopleare saying to me now about him now appear to be the only person who believed my ex wouldn't be a shit over things! ex and baby were super close... he did everything for him from bathing to feeding to changing etc etc and now this is what it's come to. the amount of peoplewho have warned me that dads 'will loose interest as time goes on' and have been proven right is beyond belief.

hopfully though your ex will be the exception!

xXx

 

[precious-gift]

i also believe that the novelty will wear off for my ex, how do you bond with a newborn baby, you see once a week at the most? but i am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, and see how things work out xx

 

[Eyes On Fire]

Well I actually used to watch a lot of court shows and having a contract like what you and him both have suggested would be a great thing to have. So far it sounds like you're not going to have anything to worry about but should things go sour definitely have everything written out and both of your signatures on the document. In one of the court shows I watched there was a similiar situation and the judge ruled in favor of the woman because of the contract that had the guys signature on it. Not to mention having to go to court and such would be a lot of a hassle and since you're pregnant you should definitely be taking it easy.

 

[MoonMuffin]

Thanks everyone! I think the contract is a better idea as well and my mom totally agreed to. I'd be getting more out of this deal and we'd be able to set up more flexible visitation rights. Because in the beginning when the baby is still a newborn he will NOT be left alone with him/her. I will go to his apartment and stay with him and the baby. The only thing that sucks is I know he is going to want to introduce the baby to all his friends/family and I don't get along with any of them. Oh well though, the court would prob make it to where I didn't have to be there so at least I can step in if someone gets rough with the baby.

You should have him come to you. It's a big hassle taking the baby out and you'll have to bring all the toys, diapers, formula, travel crib, etc. and they baby may not be comfortable going back and forth from home to ex's house. I think it would be a lot less stressful for the baby to have your ex come to you, where baby is familiar with all the smells sights, etc. At least for the first few months. And I think the contract is a great idea