I really need to get this off my chest ........

[Skye1]

I am sorry for this long post but some may remember I had problems with my husband being so controlling but been working on it .. anyway . ..

My little girl is 17mths old now, since the begining of my pregnancy with her, I asked my husband to clear the spare room as its a shit tip for him to dump all his crap in, his pc, work stuff and all the other crap he wont sort out. Well it was never done, so my baby Ella has been in a small box room since... Which has been fine, but now I am pregnant again, since getting pregnant from day one I have explained to my hubby that the room needed to be cleared, painted, aired for a few weeks (at least) all Ellas cot, wardrope etc moved into it. He could have the box room for his PC and crap. We said we would put another wardrope in Ellas room for the new baby and a single bed so by the time the baby was ready to come out of my room, Ella should be in a bed and the baby would have the cot, and also finally my mum etc would beable to sleep over once the baby comes to help me a little... I did tell him that this neaded all done by the time I was 35 weeks in case she came early... I also explained the risk of sids from paint fumes. And I also explained that Ella needed to be settled into the new room well before the baby came so that she wouldn't feel as pushed out when the time comes..

We have no space left in the house, I've got all the babys clothes and I cant wash and sort them ready as we have no storage or wardrope for her yet.

Also Ella is becoming a climber, in her Box room, there is no other way to move the cot away from the window, this room has a large window in it with no locks on it, I've been so worried about this. I've been telling hubby for weeks she's needs to be out of the room and into the big room that only has a small top window.

I just cannot believe he hasn't done this. And I have been threatning for months now that I will go in there and empty the lot... thinking that this will spur him on, but obviously it hasn't. I know if I do clear it that he will be so pissed off with me as it's piles and piles of his works paperwork.

This has all caused row after row, and it's so getting on top of me now, all I want is for everything to be ready and I know its not going to be.

He sits upstairs on his pc everynight, looking at football sites, pissing about on there, and his answer to it all is 'when do I have the time' ???? He had a week off work 4 weeks ago, I made a point of clearing off out the house with Ella most days thinking he would do it but never has. He also has every weekend off work. so over 7mths and he hasn't had the time ?? Last night he turned it on me and told me I should of allocated a day for him to do it all... Like I should need to allocate him a day to clear his own shite ??? I have enough to sort out with being pregnant and looking after Ella all bleeding day.

So, at nearly 35 weeks pregnant, I don't know what to do, should I risk clearing the whole room myself, painting it and hoping it airs quick for ella to go in it ??

This is the room .........

https://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee457/ellahall/room.jpg

 

[holidaysan]

I'd box it all up and make him
Move the heavy stuff. How annoying. It must be awful wanting to get everythin ready and you can't, I'd be so upset. Or like he said allocate him a day! That's a bit of a piss take with the window being dangerous aswel. Do you have anyone who could come over and help? Might make him feel bad seeing you heavily pregnant cleaning out HIS things!

Xx

 

[3rdtimearound]

Take all the paper and crap and put it in bin bags for him to sort out another time!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Taylah]

I wouldn't do it when he isn't home he might get really angry, even tho it's a big mess it looks like a mans organized mess - lol , on his day off on the weekend I would get some boxes out & say to him last chance for you to pack up this room or you can watch Ella while I go & do it , I'm sure he wont want you to do it & will get off his arse & do it , you could also offer to help if you want to be nice about it !

 

[PepsiChic]

unfortunatly its ones of those "if you dont do it yourself, it wont get done" things.

Id take boxes and put all the smalelr easier stuff in them like the piles of paper, the monitor, desk lamp, speakers, mouse and keyboard, wheel the chair out too...so that only things left are any heavy/big items....if he has less to move out he'll be more likely do it

 

[Juniperjan]

I really feel for you as I could have written this post myself. We have a room which is just the same and there never seems to be any impetus to get it cleared. I am not in such a sticky situation though as we have a spare room to put the baby but at some point, this room will need to get cleared and I am fed up saying it too.

I don't have any advice as I have done everything that you have but to no avail. I just wanted to sympathise and send a virtual hug.

I think I will make a start on putting some of it into boxes and that way at least it will be neater. I can't throw anything out as OH is a teacher and it is all school stuff. So why isn't it in schoo, I hear you ask! I really don't know!

 

[FlowerTots13]

I'd move the things that I could, like the paperwork etc into piles and put them on the floor in the other room myself, including the chair(which is put in the far corner with everything piled round it so he couldn't get to it without moving things!) but that's just me!

 

[felicity0444]

My husband is the same way. There is so much that needs to be done and it's not done. He's had 6 months to do most of this stuff and he doesn't "have time" either. lol. He works nights, so he watches our toddler during the day, but he has naptime (3 hours) to do whatever he wants. I asked him what he does when our little one is awake...he said "well i play with him". I said what about when he's down for his nap? "I clean the kitchen." Umm....wait really? that's it? I'm pretty sure he naps everyday or just watches TV. AAAAHHH...in the meantime you have me. I work all day 7am-6pm. Get home around 6:30 or so, and i go nonstop trying to do everything (which i am not supposed to do-i am on partial bedrest-HA) Laundry, dinner, baths. Getting ready for this little one coming (don't worry we don't have the crib or anything set up yet either...lol), trying to Christmas shop and get ready for Thanksgiving.....all at the same time. All this I do with my toddler "helping". I don't get a naptime to finish anything and he acts like he doesn't have time....wow. I call my brother and my mom...they come over and do whatever i need. My hubby gets sooo mad but oh well. It's gotta be done and if he really "doesn't have time" then he should appreciate it! hahaha.

 

[patooti]

We have this too... so far he's either not responded or said, well I'm not sure what I'll do with it all... um I KNOW. That's why I'm asking you to FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. Gah

My DH is generally awesome but when it comes to two things, cleaning up his junk and losing weight (he has high bp which terrifies me) he doesn't even want to talk about it. Says to leave him with it and he'll deal with it and when I bring it up MONTHS later he says I upset him when I get on his case and that stresses him out. NO idea what to do about it. The room and mess I guess I can sort of clean but there is a lot of heavy stuff in there and I can't do that anymore nor should I have to. With the weight loss I'm at a complete loss. Keeps saying he is trying but nothing is changing.

 

[cbass929]

I had a big Chester drawers in my bedroom and had to clear it out and move it out the way for the crib and changing table (no spare room for baby which he will be in our room for the first several months anyway, luckily we are moving next June so he will only be 4 months and still sleeping in our room). So this big heavy chester drawers was siting in the way where I pushed it infront of the fireplace in my bedroom. It sat there for more then 2 months and I kept asking and asking even ask other people when they were over to make him feel bad so he would do it, and still didn't. We have a third floor that has about 8 steps to go up and half if it is finished the other half we use for storage well I had no were else to put it so I wanted to move it up there.
This past Friday night after I asked everyday last week and it was still never moved. I took all 6 big heavy drawers out of it and took them to the third floor. Then started pulling this heavy ass dresser to the door to head up the steps. And my dd runs down stairs to tell dh because I was completely out of breath and seeing spots I guess from doing so much.
Needless to say he stopped playing on the computer and came and took it up because I shouldn't have been messing with it in the first place but if it had been done like I asked for several several weeks I wouldn't had to touch it.
I know it's not much help. But I would consider on his next day off get boxes or whatever and say I'm cleaning out the room you can help me or not but if something happens to any of it it's not my fault!!
Same thing around here mostly also if I don't do it, it doesn't get done!!!

 

[SAS1]

Oh my gosh you guys! What is wrong with these guys! I have the same spare room issues! AHHH! Luckily we finally got most of it out except my husband still has all his stuff in the closet and an end table to clear out. The only issue is I notice his dirty laundry and other junk keep finding their way back in there! I agree though, I think we may need to do it ourselves. Ugh...

 

[RoxieHart]

I would do it myself! I know it's annoying because you don't wanna be doing that at like 35 weeks pregnant, but like someone else said it really is one of those, if you don't do it yourself, it won't get done. To be honest I know it's annoying to think you have to do it at this point in pregnancy but it's gotta be done! I Just spent 4 days clearing out a room, sorting, throwing out, painting TWICE over 2 days, decorating the walls etc etc ready for my little one, but if I hadn't done it myself. It never would have got done! Xx

 

[Liz0828]

I'd just start doing it myself while he was home, then when he realizes what you are up to he will have no choice but to help. I do this to my hubby all the time, I'll ask him to move something heavy or something like that, and he procrastinates, so I just stat doing it myself, then he gets a little pissed off about it and ends up helping. Lol.