cwhitemink
New Member
- Joined
- May 9, 2015
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
Hello Everyone. I am 20 year old sophomore in college (well I just completed my sophomore year) and experienced a miscarriage in late Jan to mid February. The exact date I started bleeding was Jan 31st and ended Feb 13th. The bleeding started very light and I had minor cramps so I figured it was just my period. My period can come in the beginning of the month, the middle of the month, and end of the month so I didn't see anything abnormal with bleeding on the very last day of the month. Thus, I did not see January as a month where I missed my period. I also don't count the days in between each period so that could be why I didn't notice anything wrong either.
One day, I was in my dorm getting ready to go to the library and all of a sudden I felt wet. I was very confused--and once I got to my room I saw that there was blood everywhere! It was a good thing I was wearing black. I was so freaked out and went to the bathroom to clean up. Big chunks of blood would come out of me and I knew that this was not normal. I had also been bleeding longer than the expected number of days (on my period I bleed for 5 days) so I knew something was up. The cramps I was experiencing were INSANE like the worst cramps I had ever felt in my life. I called my mom and told her that if I didn't go to a doctor I was going to end up lying on the ground dead somewhere.
My mom drove up to my school and we went to the doctor it. So I thought that I had nothing to worry about.together. My doctor asked me if I was sexually active I said yes. She then asked if we were having protected sex which I sadly responded no to. But, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I trusted him to (a) not cum in me at all or (b) to tell me if he did so that we could fix it. Any who, they tested my thyroid and also tested me for stds and gave me a pregnancy test.
The next day I got a call from the doctor telling me that my pregnancy test was positive - the exact opposite of what I thought I would hear. I had completely convinced myself that I wasn't pregnant and that it was something else like uterine fibroids (which is very common in the African-American community). She said that it was very likely that I was miscarrying due to all of the blood and intense cramps and that's when I completely broke down (mind you I was in office hours so I had to leave). To be honest, ever since I found out that I had a baby growing inside of me (although I did not want to be pregnant) and it died... I have not been the same since. I think back and seeing my baby come out of me and into the toilet..it has just been very difficult.
There was a drastic change in my mood. I stopped going to some of my classes and would sit in my room in the dark and cry. My GPA went down from a 3.57 to a 3.44. I didn't want to be around friends or talk to family. I wouldn't eat for long periods of time.
Now that it is May and almost Mother's Day, there is still this sadness. I see happily pregnant women and although I am happy for them as a woman, I still feel sad. I'll see babies whether on a commercial or at the park and feel sad. This miscarriage has had a major effect on me and I'm not sure if I'll ever be that same happy person I was before. I've had friends who told me to "get over it" and even my 'man' didn't ever want to talk about it or understand why I was sad for so long. It's been 3 months and I am still sad - I'm not sure if there will ever be a time where I don't look back on this moment and tear up like I am doing now. The truth of the matter is that I would of had a happy, beautiful, energetic little boy/girl and I will never get to see, hold, or touch the child that started to develop. The doctors couldn't even tell me how far along I was so I don't think I'll ever have closure.
One day, I was in my dorm getting ready to go to the library and all of a sudden I felt wet. I was very confused--and once I got to my room I saw that there was blood everywhere! It was a good thing I was wearing black. I was so freaked out and went to the bathroom to clean up. Big chunks of blood would come out of me and I knew that this was not normal. I had also been bleeding longer than the expected number of days (on my period I bleed for 5 days) so I knew something was up. The cramps I was experiencing were INSANE like the worst cramps I had ever felt in my life. I called my mom and told her that if I didn't go to a doctor I was going to end up lying on the ground dead somewhere.
My mom drove up to my school and we went to the doctor it. So I thought that I had nothing to worry about.together. My doctor asked me if I was sexually active I said yes. She then asked if we were having protected sex which I sadly responded no to. But, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I trusted him to (a) not cum in me at all or (b) to tell me if he did so that we could fix it. Any who, they tested my thyroid and also tested me for stds and gave me a pregnancy test.
The next day I got a call from the doctor telling me that my pregnancy test was positive - the exact opposite of what I thought I would hear. I had completely convinced myself that I wasn't pregnant and that it was something else like uterine fibroids (which is very common in the African-American community). She said that it was very likely that I was miscarrying due to all of the blood and intense cramps and that's when I completely broke down (mind you I was in office hours so I had to leave). To be honest, ever since I found out that I had a baby growing inside of me (although I did not want to be pregnant) and it died... I have not been the same since. I think back and seeing my baby come out of me and into the toilet..it has just been very difficult.
There was a drastic change in my mood. I stopped going to some of my classes and would sit in my room in the dark and cry. My GPA went down from a 3.57 to a 3.44. I didn't want to be around friends or talk to family. I wouldn't eat for long periods of time.
Now that it is May and almost Mother's Day, there is still this sadness. I see happily pregnant women and although I am happy for them as a woman, I still feel sad. I'll see babies whether on a commercial or at the park and feel sad. This miscarriage has had a major effect on me and I'm not sure if I'll ever be that same happy person I was before. I've had friends who told me to "get over it" and even my 'man' didn't ever want to talk about it or understand why I was sad for so long. It's been 3 months and I am still sad - I'm not sure if there will ever be a time where I don't look back on this moment and tear up like I am doing now. The truth of the matter is that I would of had a happy, beautiful, energetic little boy/girl and I will never get to see, hold, or touch the child that started to develop. The doctors couldn't even tell me how far along I was so I don't think I'll ever have closure.
I know how you feel except I knew I was pregnant for a few weeks before my baby went away
