I think Im getting depressed... am I??!

[divadexie]

Everyone keeps saying how well I am coping and how strong I am!

But when OH is at work I just feel like I can't be fecked doing anything! When he was off work monday I spent most of the day sorting stuff, cleaning and tidying to keep myself busy.
But today there was stuff needed doing and I just looed like ''cant be bothered doing that''.
I didn't have any lunch because my son had the last 2 bits of bread and I couldnt be arsed cooking potatoes to have with corned beef (wasnt anything else we need to do a shop)
And I just want to sleep all the time!

I feel bad I left my son watching cartoons for 2 hours and went for a sleep after OH went to work and I had done breakfast and sorted the dogs out.

Also my milk supply has went down and I know I need to express more regular to get it back up again but I just feel like I cant be bothered doing anything atall.
Obviously I do it anyway, because that is what Anna needs, but I feel like I wouldnt be doing it if I didnt have to. Now I have to try and get an appointment at the doctor to see about those tablets to help milk production but its a blimmin mission getting an appointment unless you call for an emegency same day one, and end up getting a foreign doctor I cant understand a word hes saying!

im also stressed out because we hav just bought a house, nearly, and kind of!
Its through OH dad, he remortgaged his house and the money was meant to be in his bank friday, so we can pay the people yesterday, they need the money for thursday and the bank manager has went on holiday!!!
Because that is happening we cant make plans to get to the hospital because we have no idea when we are getting the keys or anything!

Just feel like everythings going a bit crazy I wish I could have a holiday and not need to do anything. But I dont really! I want to be here looking after my son and I want to be at the hospital with Anna I just cant be in 2 places at the same time!

 

[NeyNey]

Oh sweets, I can't begin to imagine what you're going though. I didn't want to read and run...Perhaps speak these concerns to a MW and see what she has to say?

 

[Laura2919]

Its one of the hardest things you are going to go through in your life! I was a bit down. I dont think its depression just that you want your baby home with you and you cant! But keep smiling huni! She can sense all this!

My milk supply also went down and this really upset me but at the same time formula helped the girls gain weight and they were fine.. All I wanted was the best for them. I got myself into a nice routine.. I went up to the hospital 3 times a day and in between them times I would eat, cook, clean and do all the things I needed like their washing and shopping for all their little bits.

Look at the positives although there is not many! You are going to be well rested for when she comes home and your going to need all that strengh you have! Kids are tiring hehe!

Anyway im here if you need a chat xx

 

[keldac]

It's very normal to be feeling like this. You are under so much stress - don't be so hard on yourself. So what if he watched cartoons for a few hours or the house was a mess - try and relax a bit and don't worry about what needs to be done.
When baby is home I am sure you will be much brighter

 

[michellexx]

no i dont think youre depressed just stressed out x i hope things go smoother soon they always do..
i honestly dont know how ive coped over last 9 months and stayed sane im with my boyfriend at the moment things going ok..as i say atm but ever since i found out i was pregnant his parents were furious..as if its there **** choice they wanted me to have an abortion i understand im young but i was so happy and to be then overhear someone saying that josh's life i sruined (my boyfriend) and the babies life is ruined is the ultimate insult ever as if i wouldnt be a good mother to my son Justin which i think i am i love him to pieces give him everyhting which evry mother owuld. So now that my son has arrived after constant family fueds my parents(poisitive vs his parents (negative) i am now trying to find a place to move in to ..to call my own and get things settled i have been on overload tidying my boyfriends house he still lives with 'the parents' feeding justin and cleaning up after his shit while he plays xbox and smokes things he shouldnt...i really dont know what to do i just want everything to be so perfect for my son and the father of my child im realising well even more so now because i have responability is a complete**** and on top of that have arguments where he says if i leave him he will get custody of my son and both his parents seem to back him up on this its so ridiculous becasue were like black and white hes so irrisponsible and i do absaloutely everyhting and more how could the law possibly side with him..i didnt want to be like this i want my son to know his dad but its ruining my hapiness because of his attitude...and after his parents saying i should abort the baby are now trying to say that im taking joshs son away from him!! anyone have any advice i havent been able to speak about it to anyone and i just wanted to somehow put in words what ive been thorugh x

 

[divadexie]

Write a diary hun. Write down all of your boyfriends actions what he does every day, how little he helps out and what things him and his parents say to you.
The law will Not side with him if you choose to leave him (clearly you are not happy and this will have an efeect on your son). He *may* be granted visitation rights, but seeing how lazy he is and how little it sounds like he helps out, he probably won't bother.
You can also probably say you will Not let his parents see Justin unsupervised due to the horrible things they said.

Even if you can go stay with your parents for a while and get yourself sorted, if they have been postive wont they help out?

Talk to your health visitor, or go the citizens advice, a social worker, anyone you feel comfortable talking to and see what options are available for you, they will help you out xx

 

[Archies Mummy]

I know exactly how you feel my son is also in SCBU, infact i think youve seen my threads. Well anyway i have a two year old son, and i feel exactly the same, you described it down too a tee..... I feel like i just wanna stay in bed all day until i know i can go to the hospital, everything just seems pointless, the highlight of my day at the moment is when i get to do his cares. My two year old son is the only thing i get up for. Also like you im having problems expressing, im only getting 30 mls each time i do, and its starting to get me down. I feel like a failiure not only because my body let him come earlier but also because its now not working too produce milk!! Arrrghhh!! Im so frustrated. Xx

 

[BrittLeblanc]

I feel the same!! Its a horrible feeling. When my hubby is at work I try to always keep myself busy but there are times when nothing needs to be done. Its almost like I can never sit down and relax. I feel bad times because I cant always be with my son since the hospital is 2 hours away, so at times I feel bad that his there alone. I also feel like I'm missing out on being "mom" to him and its a little heart breaking, but i try to remind myself this is what he needs for the best. Some people tell to me to try to think about it this way that he should still be in me but then when I start to think like that I feel like I've let him down by no carrying full term. I know its anyones fault but its hard at times to not think that way. I'm since I haven't been producing milk I feel like the one thing I could do for him, cant be done anymore. But i try to not let this get me done. I love talking to you girls because we are all going thru or have been thru the same situations.

 

[karenandholly]

regarding the expressing problems. The hosp advised me to take home a piece of my babies bedding each day (blanket, piece of material you place under them etc) If you smell it while expressing and have bits of your bubs things round you, pics etc, it's supposed to stimulate the milk producing thingy. Found it worked for me. I was only getting aout 30ml but could sometimes get 70ml!! Nothing ventured, nothing gained

 

[Marleysgirl]

I didn't even have the excuse of having another toddler to keep me busy. When Andrew was in NICU, my day consisted purely of expressing, and going to visit him - very little else got done. I was like you, I just couldn't be bothered - I was exhausted mentally from the stress of it all, as well as tired from visiting and then pumping every 4 hrs including overnight.

But I tried not to feel too guilty at only spending a few hours a day with Andrew when was on the unit - although I am his Mum, I knew I would be his Mum for the next 18+ years, and these few weeks were short-term compared to that. Whilst I wasn't there, he was looked after very competently and professionally by the nurses.

ETA. I didn't have to get a Doctor's appointment to get Domperidone (to increase my milk production). The BF Consultant in NICU wrote a letter saying that I needed it; I dropped that letter into my GP surgery; my prescription was ready for collection next day.

 

[divadexie]

hey sorry for not updating on this thread!

I stopped expressing 2 weks ago, I just hadnt th time or patience and the nurse was so supportive in my decision.
my milk in the freezer lasted until thursday. Anna is now 10 weeks.

She has also been moved to our local hospital and I feel so much better now, completely different like a massive weight has been taken off my shoulders.

thank you for messages of support :0)