I think i'm in denial!

[Rebaby]

So here i am, 3rd trimester with our 2nd baby (although 4th pregnancy as we've had two miscarriages) and i seem to be in total denial about having to actually go through labour and birth again...

To give you a little bit of history: our son was born happy and healthy at 38+1 in hospital. We had planned a home birth up until around 28/29 weeks when a routine swab i'd had done showed up positive for GBS and we made the decision to cancel our HB plans and go into hospital during labour for the IV antibiotics. It felt the right decision for us at the time, although did have a dramatic impact upon our experience of labour and birth in the sense that it ended up being completely the opposite of what we'd planned in any case, i feel quite positive about his birth in many ways, despite it not going the way i'd hoped.

This time the midwives will assume i'm GBS negative unless otherwise proven, and since i'm not likely to be re-swabbed (i was only swabbed last time as i had some pain/bleeding at 28 weeks) that means i am free to plan to labour/birth wherever and however i like and after much deliberation we have decided to try for a homebirth again

I bought a birthing pool and liner off ebay when i was about 22 weeks and after inflating it to check it was okay, i have put it back in the box in the kitchen and promptly forgotten all about it. I have bought the natal hypnotherapy home birth preparation cd (to replace my hospital birth preparation cd i used last time ) but not started listening to it yet. I have bought Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth book but only read a handful of the birth stories. We haven't shared our plans to homebirth with anyone other than our very very close family members and my best friend (we had a lot of negative reactions last time).

I was sooooooo chilled out about the birth last time, i remember being 36 weeks and a (male) friend telling us "It's awful! Just terrible!" (he'd witnessed his ex giving birth to their son a few months earlier) and saying "No it will be fine" but this time i don't feel chilled out at all, i remember the pain very clearly so whenever the topic comes up i just shut it out of my mind and pretend that our second son will be dropped off by stork some time in October and i won't have to go through all that again

Seriously though, what else can i do to prepare? I think a big part of the problem is that i don't actually WANT to get too invested in the idea of a home-birth (getting everything ready, getting all excited, writing a birth plan etc) in case it doesn't work out and i end up feeling disappointed...

I had my labour accelerated using synto (hormone drip) last time as my contractions were irregular and my waters broke early-on, so they were worried about the GBS. I think it definitely affected the way my labour went and how i coped as i was immobile due to continous monitoring and i ended up having an epidural. I think one of my worries this time is that if i couldn't manage the pain last time without the aid of an epidural then how do i think it will be different this time? I would hate to have to transfer in to hospital due to needing more pain relief...

Anyway this is long and waffly i know so i'll stop there.

All input appreciated!

 

[chuck]

You wont need more pain relief hun, you know what to expect, you have your pool you will have done your hypno you will be ready in your own home relaxed and excited!

You'll do great.

 

[lynnikins]

your gonna do fine hun, being imobile would have led to the epidural last time with being able to use a pool and move about to your hearts content you will find the pain alot easier to deal with.

 

[Mervs Mum]

It's understandable to feel nervous and not want to be disappointed by planning the perfect birth. But if you were going to run a marathon or do anything else that was a challenge would you just pitch up on the day and hope for the best? Most people would prepare physically and mentally and would have a 'plan' or goal...Yes there may need to be changes in tactics along the way and obstacles or unplanned events may occur but they set out with a clear idea of what they want and go for it....

 

[fides]

you'll be fantastic!!!!

 

[Rebaby]

Thank you all your positivity alone is really encouraging. The natal hypnotherapy website suggests starting to practice with the CD from around 30 weeks so i'll start then and hopefully once i get going with it i'll start to feel a bit calmer about the whole thing.

Although to be honest it's not that i'm panicking...it's more that i'm ambivalent, and moseying along as though it isn't going to happen in a couple of months time when in fact it is!