i think lost him and baby

[millianaire]

Hi ladies and gents

i miscarried again at the beginning of this month only 5 weeks just felt like a heavy period so it hasnt effected me much, that was our 5th miscarriage now, my partner has been very distant with me this time round, i instantly clutched onto getting married to occupy my mind and drive him crazy i think, but he dont look at me any more, and he avoids being with me alone, he never wants to talk about wedding i think ive lost him as well i pushed him to hard and moaned to much, i think hes just had enough now, no baby, no wedding, just constant moaning an arguing, dont help im not working atm (waiting for new job to start) i have no money to spoil him or suprise him i dont know how to make this right can anyone help?

 

[Pinkie 33]

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be an incredibly difficult time for you both. Its very easy for me to say but maybe a break, few days away or book some things to do that you have always had fun doing together. Maybe try and find the fun side you must have enjoyed before you started this rollercoaster to help lift the pressure?

Its bound to take its toll on you both. I'm sure you will find a way through it

 

[millianaire]

hey pinkie 33

yes i know what you mean but its easier said than done, every suggestion i make he seems to think is a ploy to moan at him alone somewhere, its incredidbly difficult im sitting here in tears just trying to think how i can back track starting to want a baby i really wish i didnt want to feel like this so i didnt have to risk pushing him away or him running. but right now i just need him more than ever i desserted all my friends so have no one to talk to an i dont want to talk to my family i can feel myself slipping into depression an i dont know how to stop its crazy all in a year!

thankyou for your reply x

 

[No Doubt]

I'm sorry hun. And I know it's not easy feeling alone like you have no one to talk to but we are all here. I'll speak from personal experience and say that men don't react the way we do as women. What I've noticed with my hubbs and other men is that they tend to either go on acting like nothing ever happened or they just shut down completely. Its their way of processing things. To be honest I kind of think that's what your husband is doing. You have to remember that all though it's hard for you to go through a loss, that your hubbs went through a loss too, and he needs time to deal with it just like you do. But he deals with it differently than you. As much as you need him right now, you have to respect his grieving process.

My suggestion is give it time. Don't bring up anymore trips, although I do think it's a great idea to get back to what you used to do to have fun together, but right now obviously isn't the right time. I would say back off a bit and show him that you're not wanting to get away just to moan. Once he feels comfortable that this is not the case, then try to bring up a trip or outing to take both your minds off things and just have fun and remember who you both were before ttc.

I know you don't want to talk to certain people so you look to lean on him, but it's possible it could just be to hard for him. We are all here for you...feel free to inbox me if you want. But don't be discouraged hun. I don't think you've lost him. He just needs some time.