I thought it would have stopped by now...

[AmzLJ]

So I am 33 weeks pregnant. We NTNP before I fell pregnant. I am 25, have a really good steady job and lived with my partner for 2 years.

My sister of 30 and her husband have be unsuccessful at conceiving naturally and have had 1 failed try at IVF awaiting a second.

At first she was really upset that I was pregnant which I understood. But still 7 months later I cannot mention pregnancy or our baby without nasty remarks being made about how any ache or pain I have is my own fault for getting "knocked up" and how I won't be able to cope on my own. The constant undermining is getting me down now. I know I will be a good mother but her constant digs are starting to make me doubt myself. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty about being pregnant and should be able to enjoy every moment.

Needed to get my rant out there before I exploded....

 

[USAF_WIFE]

That is a tough situation I am all for being sensitive and can even understand being a tad bitter but it does not make it fair or right for someone to do that to someone else at all! Sadly some people handle fertility issues way worse then others. I feel deeply sad for people that desire a baby so bad and it either does not happen or takes YEARS but I don't think its right to treat others badly because they are able to become pregnant its not fair because its not your fault as its not the womans for not being able to become pregnant. *hugs*

 

[cupcakekate]

Aw I can understand this must be upsetting. I'd imagine it is just her way of "coping" with being upset about your pregnancy, I doubt she means to make you feel this way. Don't know what to suggest really but if it were me and my sister I would just ride it out, you don't have that long left try to enjoy it as much as you can. x

 

[Medzi]

That is so hard - I am sorry she is making your doubt yourself. I'm going to be a first time mom too and am having enough doubts on my own without someone saying anything.

It took us a bit of time to get pregnant, and I remember how it would feel when others would get pregnant so easily - it was tough. So I can see both sides... but a lot of that struggle for me I made sure to keep inside or open up to my husband about. My best friend got pregnant so easy and while I was over the moon for her, I cried and cried when I first found out, but I will never tell her that.

Maybe sit down with her and discuss how she is hurting you? She shouldn't make you feel guilty and it is exciting she is going to be an auntie!

Hopefully things get better!

 

[Dani_Ldn]

I would def sit her down & tell her that what she is saying is upsetting you, maybe she doesn't realise?

 

[CIM]

Unfortunately some people with these issues are horrid. They feel if they can't have a baby, no one should, it's pure selfishness. I don't care what anyone says, life does not stop nor should it because of your loss. It's hard for them to understand the world moves on. I have had 3 second trimester losses, have had 2 neices and 2 nephews, multiple friends give birth to healthy babies. I have have given 3 separate baby showers. Two of my neices and nephews very close in age to how old my angels would be. And truthfully they are my greatest gift, couldn't imagine. One of my neices is named after one of my angels Isabel, she holds a special place in my heart. Your sister is probably feeling self guilt, until she let's that go she is going to want the whole world to grieve her loss, and it is not practical. She will miss so much with your little one. Not all women that have losses, hate pregnant woman. My sister's father, told her not to tell me about my last nephew, because I would be jealous. Now, that pissed me off. I am sad my sisters and brother won't be having anymore babies, I wanted them to have way more.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

I too am all for being sensitive to another persons situation but it's been going on for 7 months now and hasn't let up yet. I think it's time to talk to her about how she's making you feel. Whether she realizes it or not, she has to be told and hopefully things will change. It's sad she's struggling to conceive but she should still find it in her heart to be happy for you. Being upset and unhappy for someone isn't gonna bring you good things.

 

[Athena]

In a way I can understand why she is jealous, and hope that she doesn't realise or mean to make you feel this way. Having taken 8 years to conceive this baby I watched my SIL have not one, not two but three babies all in that time we had losses and IVF.

It was so hard for me to deal with, I was insanely jealous but I think if you were to ask her she would have no idea of how I felt and I didn't make her feel bad. At the end of the day it wasn't her fault she fell pregnant so easily when I couldn't, which is the way your sis should be looking at your pregnancy as it's not fair on you not being able to enjoy it.

I hope you can clear the air with her and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and I hope eventually your sis is successful in her IVF attempts

 

[bumski]

In a way I can understand why she is jealous, and hope that she doesn't realise or mean to make you feel this way. Having taken 8 years to conceive this baby I watched my SIL have not one, not two but three babies all in that time we had losses and IVF.

It was so hard for me to deal with, I was insanely jealous but I think if you were to ask her she would have no idea of how I felt and I didn't make her feel bad. At the end of the day it wasn't her fault she fell pregnant so easily when I couldn't, which is the way your sis should be looking at your pregnancy as it's not fair on you not being able to enjoy it.

I hope you can clear the air with her and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and I hope eventually your sis is successful in her IVF attempts

^^^^^^WSS^^^^^^

I agree, it's so hard watching people fall pregnant so easily and then moan about it (only natural of course) but its just plain old jealousy and no matter what I would never have made anyone feel bad. Mainly because I wouldn't want anyone to know I was bitter.
She's bang out of order and you should be able to enjoy this, it's not your fault after all.

 

[pinkwaters]

Infertility is such a difficult thing to deal with, I feel so lucky my first IVF try was a success but the stress I went through trying and having two of my best friends get pregnant and give birth before I figured out what the problem was was insane

I never made them feel anything though and tried to be as supportive as ever as difficult as that was! In saying that, I never told anyone I was trying or that I did go through IVF so noone knowing made it easier for me to go with the flow

I hope your sister feels better and maybe you should talk to her about it, I used to think I wouldn't complain when I did get pregnant but hey pregnancy can drive one a little too crazy ;D so many things, heart burn, cramps, constipation, insomnia and the list goes on so hey complaining and hormones are a part of it all for many of us!

 

[Fortune Cooki]

She is being rude. It is not your fault that she can't get pregnant. Jealous or not, she needs to be more respectful. She doesn't have to be excited for you, but she definitely should not throw mean comments. Don't let her ruin this special time for you. Some people can't get pregnant, some people suffer from chronic illnesses. Life is not fair. Deal. The more bitter she is about it, the more miserable she will make herself and people around her.