I thought we were done.

[threemakefive]

I hope no one takes this wrong or gets upset but...like the title suggests. We had our third child (rainbow baby) 18 months ago. We were elated and decided we were done having children our family was complete. I was bfing and had so much anxiety abt being put under for a tubal so we had been careful. I finally was ready to get it done, called to schedule and my Dr said due to my insurance they couldnt see me any longer(ins hadn't changed just them I guess). St pattys day came and went and we thought we may have had a broken condom incident but it wasn't confirmed...well fast forward three weeks later and is felt a little sick but didn't have any real symptoms..husband suggested a test and there it was...the thing we did not want ri happen(weird since we always wanted it before) Big fat positive. I was devistated, not bc I don't love the baby but bc financially it will be tough, we don't have enough car space, we need more house space...so many things. We were done with the baby stage(never my favorite)...now here we are. We haven't told anyone and we are 13 weeks now....I don't want to telk anyone for judgement and statements I know I can't handle. We went through weeks of sadness and are finally at a place where we know it is happening and are getting more excited...I think. We love our baby fully... but its still a little bit if a sore subject. I'm just hoping someone else has been there, has some insight...or something I feel terrible for not being more excited...so anyone have any insight? Any advice for when we tell to lessen the snide remarks?

 

[LoveBubble]

I don't have any insight I just wanted to say a big fat middle finger to anyone who gives u a snide comment.... It's no ones business but urs and ur OH and people are so quick to judge.. And if they know ur full story as u have written here and still judge then they are not nice people.. Many people may have got rid of the baby to suit their lifestyles but u haven't and that's admirable. Congratulations anyway everything happens for a reason, it'll all work out xxx

 

[Ambermichelle]

No insight either but I think that you and your hubby are doing great and screw people if they want to judge you for things that are out of your control. I know everything will work out and I'm sure this little baby will bring you and your family so much happiness! Good luck with everything!!

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I totally agree with these other two ladies--I don't have any insight, but kudos to you! You are in a tough spot, but you are obviously very strong, and you will make it work. God can turn an impossible situation into a gigantic blessing. And people who judge you should either be supportive and helpful, or mind their own business! Thinking of you--BIG hugs!!

 

[threemakefive]

Thank you ladies!! Definitly needed to hear all those things today!!

 

[immie]

Don't feel bad, this baby was PLANNED as I was sure I wanted another one. But a few days after finding out, I got quite low and thought I was very mistaken when I thought I wanted a baby. Like I say, that was planned as well! So I can't imagine how it must feel to end up in the same situation having taken precautions. But since about 14 weeks I've definitely come round to the idea and am really happy now and can't wait to meet my second boy. You will get to that stage, it's just a matter of time. Good luck, big hugs

 

[Sunseal]

Don't feel bad, honestly. I can't fully relate as this was a planned baby, but that doesn't mean I'm not filled with apprehension aswell! I love it completely, it's the little girl I've always wanted to go along my little boy, who is 3 already. I used to think I'd be the most maternal person in the world, and I'd want all my children to stay babies forever. But the fact is, I'm not, and I do not!
I love my children unconditionally but I definitely cannot wait for them to grow up a bit. For me, to have an unplanned pregancy a bit further on is my idea of a nightmare, but I would still love it totally. So I can kind of relate.
But you know what? Don't pay any attention to what anyone else says. It's your family and you sound like you and your OH are really starting to get your heads around it a new little one.
Good luck for the future, I'm sure in 5 years time you'll be so thankful that they came along

 

[Hoping4Four]

Hi there! I'm also expecting my fourth baby and even though it was planned, I've still had a few moments of feeling really low/scared, wondering whether we've made the right decision.

It's ok to feel the way you do, but you're strong and you CAN deal with this. You might not totally come to terms with it until the baby is here but I promise, as soon as that baby is in your arms you'll look at him/her and fall in love all over again. And after a few months you'll wonder how you ever lived without that little one in your life

You'll be ok!!

 

[shirlls]

Please don't be too hard on yourself, of course you are going to worry about things like house, car space, etc, it comes with the territory of having another LO on the way (including planned pregnancies). I am pregnant with a planned pregnancy and going through similar feelings as you, especially as I found out it is twins! I was apprehensive about having two children but now we are having three I am worrying about living arrangements (we live in a top floor rent flat, no lift), neither OH and I drive, and of course, money!

However I spoke it through with a friend a few days ago and she made me feel a lot better by reminding me of all the lovely things about a new baby, all the love and affection, things that money can't buy, and as she pointed out, there is never really ever an ideal time to have a baby anyway so just go with the flow and enjoy the love and joy your new baby will bring.

Things will come together, but I totally understand your feelings as I am the same.

xx

 

[YoshiPikachu]

Good luck and congratulations.

 

[CastawayBride]

Hugs to you....family planning is no ones business but you and hubby! I hope everything works out for you and hope in time it does.

 

[TryinFor1]

I was pretty upset when I found out about this baby. its only my second, and I wanted another baby eventually, but I didn't want two under two. I am twelve weeks today, and I absolutely love my baby, and I am getting more excited about it. It just... Really wasn't planned. I am still in school, oh and I were headed for a divorce, it just wasn't good timing at all. But it is what it is. I have seen it, seen its heartbeat, and I want nothing more than to deliver a healthy baby now. Still... I have times. Including today actually. There was a huge concert going on we go to every year and I decided a couple days ago to not go. Not only were we out the money, but dh had to go alone. I would rather the baby be safe and protected and not around all the craziness that goes on there, but I was slightly disappointed I didn't go.

Its ok. I know that once we have these babies, we wouldn't be able to imagine our life without them. I am getting more excited but I still get upset sometimes.

I feel guilty admitting that. I feel like its gonna make something happen. I pray nothing does, but still.. it makes me feel a little bad.

 

[threemakefive]

Thank you for all the replies. DH seems to be kinda happy now...I really hope I get there soon...I have a sono next week maybe that will help

 

[Gingerspice]

Our first baby was unexpected but not unwanted. We weren't planning children until a few years down the line. We used protection but it still happened. (Tbh it was a magic week in the house then because my brother also got his partner pregnant that same week while staying at our house-also unplanned)

Anyway. I panicked about money. I even talked about how I wish I'd miscarry .

It all worked out. It forced OH to not be relaxed about job and earn more. We managed to get on the property ladder. We've gotton a beautiful 4 yr old daughter in the process. Tbh we probably wouldn't have acheived so much had we not had her.

 

[Dinah93]

This is only our second but when I found out I was devastated, I cried for days. I was really enjoying spending all my time with the one we have, and while I wanted another eventually because of the difficult pregnancy and 101 day nicu stay DD endured I definitely didn't want another until she was in school so if I was in and out of hospital again she would be taken care of during the day. It took until my 12 week scan to really start to see any positives to this pregnancy, however after about 16 weeks when he started kicking I started to look forward to his arrival, and I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even if I can't see it. The reactions from our family weren't great, my mum who dotes on DD was the worst, telling me it was the worst thing we could have done, which broke my heart, but she did tell me within a few days that she's just terrified of loosing me given I was so sick in my last pregnancy. She's not as excited as she was with DD, who was the first grandchild, but she's not said anything negative again. My dad was a star though and just hugged me and said congratulations, even though I was sobbing when I told him. He was the rock I needed and didn't expect to have at the start. I was lucky in that DH was very stoic too and focussed on the positives, while I know he had reservations not once did he voice them when I was struggling so much, he just reassured me we would cope, and my body would cope. I'm still scared of the changes which will come, the only time I think I'll relax is 34-40 weeks if I get there, but my DD is so excited to be a big sister, and I'm finally in a good place about this.

 

[Lemonibug]

I understand. This is only our second but not at all planned. I've been struggling with depression & anxiety since around a month or so before finding out I was pregnant, & that was the main reason I was so frightened when I saw that positive result. We also have little room (2 bed flat) & money's a bit of a squeeze. But I know how we just won't be able to imagine ever not having them once they're here, & will never regret them. It's ok to have negative emotions surrounding a pregnancy . It doesn't make you a bad person at all

 

[Brightxeyes]

I can relate to the whole maybe not being so financially prepared! I need a new car, needed to move (which we've managed to do!) and we've scrimped and scraped and somehow have managed so far!
It wasn't planned but not unplanned, just happened much quicker than I ever thought! So I had a bit of mixed emotions and up until the kicks it's started to feel real and excitement and preparing and planning!
So you may feel a bit more happier about it soon, you don't have to announce it yet announce when it's good for you!

It's understandable that you had only three children in mind and along came a surprise fourth, so yes you know it will be tough. I thought it would be tough for my first with the financial position I'm in being pretty crap. But we've done well so far!

I hope you feel a little better about it soon I'm sure you will once it's settled in a little more! Don't feel bad about anything!

 

[Elodie]

Good on you I say - you are taking what life has thrown at you and are making the most of it. I'm sure it will be absolutely fine. I know of two girls who recently had terminations because 'it wasn't quite the right time' or whatever, with absolutely no real reason as to why they couldn't continue the pregnancies, and these girls weren't even using any contraception AT ALL - this made me angry and feel sad for the poor little babies. So good for you for holding on to this little one even though it was not what you had really expected. Very best of luck to you.

 

[Dobsd]

Anybody who gives snide remarks isn't a real friend. Your real friends will ask you how you will cope, they'll ask how you feel about it and ask how they can help. Anybody else isn't worth worrying about.
My BF and I got pregnant accidentally and although we are sooo happy now, we were terrified for a while. Our relationship wasn't great and we had no house. Things are slowly coming together now and we have found that in a situation which pushes you, you find ways around the issues. I hope everything works out for you x