L
LilMiss_91
Guest
Hi ladies,
Just to update you.
I had my 2nd lot of medical management Thursday night. I refused the painkilling suppository they offer as standard when they do the first dose. I don't see the point in pre-empting pain, you don't take painkillers every morning in case you get a headache later do you?!
Anyway, I began bright red spotting around 1am with cramping that was uncomfortable but not painful and passed a few pretty large clots/tissue (one that looked like it was pretty much the entire uterine lining).
The nurse came in at around 8am when I was due an examination and she basically said (very bluntly) that it didn't seem to be working and since this was my 2nd attempty and both had failed that the Dr would be roumd shortly to put a plan in place and they might let me home or they might not. So basically not giving me a choice to wait it out longer before going for a D&C which was my LAST RESORT. She went away and I broke down because I'd been positive that it WAS woeking and I was so angry and upset that they'd given me less than 12hrs since the first dose of medication and they were trying to make me admit defeat already. I believe strongly in natural birthing (if safe for both mother and baby obviously) and I felt that if I could have a natural unmedicated birth with my full term son then I could damn well birth this baby with dignity and respect as well, it was like... the only thing I felt I could control and that I could at least give my baby a proper birth even if I couldn't give it a life iykwim? I don't know, that was a bit garbled.
So anyway, I phoned my mum and cried down the phone at her that it wasn't working. An hour later however, I passed another piece of tissue/clot. Or so I thought. I did check it as I had done the others but there was nothing recognisable as sac/baby so I called the nurse. 10mins later she comes back to tell me I'd passed the baby intact in the sac
I was heartbroken. I still feel as though I've failed my baby. The guilt I felt upon leaving the hospital knowing I'd left my baby there was immense. I just have to pray that they are in a better place and that they forgive me.
RIP my tiny angel. Mummy and daddy love you so much
my heart will hold you till the day we meet again and I can finally gather you up in my arms and not let go sleep tight baby xxx
Just to update you.
I had my 2nd lot of medical management Thursday night. I refused the painkilling suppository they offer as standard when they do the first dose. I don't see the point in pre-empting pain, you don't take painkillers every morning in case you get a headache later do you?!
Anyway, I began bright red spotting around 1am with cramping that was uncomfortable but not painful and passed a few pretty large clots/tissue (one that looked like it was pretty much the entire uterine lining).
The nurse came in at around 8am when I was due an examination and she basically said (very bluntly) that it didn't seem to be working and since this was my 2nd attempty and both had failed that the Dr would be roumd shortly to put a plan in place and they might let me home or they might not. So basically not giving me a choice to wait it out longer before going for a D&C which was my LAST RESORT. She went away and I broke down because I'd been positive that it WAS woeking and I was so angry and upset that they'd given me less than 12hrs since the first dose of medication and they were trying to make me admit defeat already. I believe strongly in natural birthing (if safe for both mother and baby obviously) and I felt that if I could have a natural unmedicated birth with my full term son then I could damn well birth this baby with dignity and respect as well, it was like... the only thing I felt I could control and that I could at least give my baby a proper birth even if I couldn't give it a life iykwim? I don't know, that was a bit garbled.
So anyway, I phoned my mum and cried down the phone at her that it wasn't working. An hour later however, I passed another piece of tissue/clot. Or so I thought. I did check it as I had done the others but there was nothing recognisable as sac/baby so I called the nurse. 10mins later she comes back to tell me I'd passed the baby intact in the sac
I was heartbroken. I still feel as though I've failed my baby. The guilt I felt upon leaving the hospital knowing I'd left my baby there was immense. I just have to pray that they are in a better place and that they forgive me. RIP my tiny angel. Mummy and daddy love you so much
my heart will hold you till the day we meet again and I can finally gather you up in my arms and not let go sleep tight baby xxx
