I wanted to introduce myself

[linzi74]

Hi everyone

My name is Linzi and I wanted to introduce myself. I am 34 years old and live in the UK. In April of this year, I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks, it was to be my first child and both myself and my partner were devastated. It took a while for me to come to terms with it, but I just let myself feel sad when I wanted too and let my body look after itself. I know feel in a really good place, I have learnt to take on a positive outlook and to have hope that one day I will hold our baby in my arms. So after my body getting back to normal we are back TTC.
But I wanted to join this forum to try and offer and advice and support to other women who are going through miscarriage as I found that even though friends and family try to support you, they don't understand what it means to go through something like this. I found that because mc can be such a taboo subject you often feel alone, and with no true after care in this country, you are pretty much left to get on with things. So please feel free to ask me anything or even if you just need to chat, I hope in some way I can offer some support.

Linzi

 

[cherylanne]

Hi and welcome. It's always nice to have another lady whos gone through the same and understands xxx

 

[Rumpskin]

Welcome to B&B Linzi.

xx

 

[Barneyboo]

Hello and welcome

 

[Loo]

Hi Linzi74

Welcome! I am 34 too and lost our first pregnancy to miscarriage a few months before you. We have tried charting, OPKs etc but in the end have gone the same way as you and are just 'letting things happen'. Mainly to preserve our sanity!

My only stumbling block seems to be my age, as everything you read (fertility, fetal abnormalities etc) seems to site 35 as the age things get much worse! So I can't help but want things to happen soon...

And I can't help but feel a bit to blame for not trying earlier.

The logical sodeof my brain knows I've seen stories on this forum of ladies older than me having healthy pregnancies and babies, but how do you stop thinking about the 'rush'??

 

[linzi74]

Hi Loo

I know what you mean about the age thing, you do start to think omg why did I wait, but for me the time wasn't right. I try not to read all the negative stories about the added risks or why women over 35 can't conceive and try and look at people such as Davina M (3 kids and she is I think 40, her first I think was at 34!) There are lots of women who go on to have healthy, happy babies and it will happen. Its just because I think we want our children so much that everything seems such a panic, it's hard to just relax, I suppose.

 

[Loo]

That's funny cos I always think about Davina too!

The logical side of my brain knows that the cons of 'old age' (LOL) are equalled by the pros for our children having parents in a stable situation and who chose to have kids at 'the right time'.

It wasn't right for us earlier either, so there is no use regretting that decision now.

Thanks for your thoughts x

 

[Barneyboo]

Hi ladies,

Just wanted to comment about the age thing I am 36 and just had my 2nd m/c the gyno said well it could be your age me and my DH looked at her as if she had 15 heads I mean come on I'm still young not an old peep!

She did however back track and was just saying that it could be 1 of many reasons why I m/c or it could just be 'BAD LUCK' anyway I have an appointment with a gyno tomorrow to discuss things test etc because of my age.......

But I have no regrets for starting at my age I have 6 friends all between the age of 35-41 and ALL have recently given birth to perfectly healthy babies, the truth is a lot of the times if not most they don't know why we m/c and age seems the easy thing to blame it on!

We will have healthy babies I feel it will happen just got to stick at it and not let anyone knock us down n prove em all wrong......

 

[miel]

hello and welcome

 

[faith_may]

Welcome

 

[Logiebear]

Hi linzi hun,

I had my second miscarriage this year in May and I understand about loss. I am a very positive sort of person and it has taken a lot of strength to carry on for my other children but it is worht the effort for them. I so desperately want to be pregnant for one final time. I am 32 and I have 3 children which I had at 21, 29 and 31 so there is a difference and I can tell you that having a baby when you are younger is so much easier physically. Not mentally or emotionally but on the physical side it really does make a different. One of closest friends had her first and only baby at 42 and she was permanatly exhausted and unable to carry on. I will not be having kids past 35 but I can say that as I have them already. I wouldn't do it but like I said I can say that. I can understand the rush to have kids when you are over 35 but that is helped by the loss of a baby, you feel the urgency to be pregnant again straight away, or atleast most ladies do anyway.

I am happy for you that have come to terms with your loss and hope you get your bfp soon massive to you

 

[linzi74]

Hi Logibear

Thanks for your comment and I am sorry about your m/c, it is a very difficult thing to deal with.
I can't agree with you about the age thing, I don't think the physical aspect of it would make much difference to me as I have lots of energy and don't feel any different to how I was in my twenties. All I know is that when I was younger, kids were the furthest thing from my mind, in fact, I had no interest in them at all. But suddenly it was so strange when I got to about 31 a little switch clicked and all I wanted was a child. So I think it's not the same for everyone, the only person who can decide the right time is yourself and that's what makes us all different. I can't wait to be a mum though.
Linzi
xxx

 

[Logiebear]

I bet you can't wait hun and I'm sure your time will come and hopefully it will be soon

I just wanted to say that I totally understand how wanting kids for more and more women doesn't kick in til their late 30's but it is unfortunately a fact for these women that your body past 35 is not at it's peak any more for baby making and no matter how great you feel it simply doesn't change your biology. I know it sounds harsh but it is true. For example, one of the reasons for the increase in multiple pregnancies these days is due to the older mothers. Past the age of 35 your eggs become less stable, they aren't as tough as they used to be, baring in mind they are aged 35+ too. So the eggs split easier. I like to think I feel as though I have more energy now than I did when I was 21 but it is a whole new ball game when pregnant. Your body simply can't cope the same. I think any woman who wants babies sahould have them no matter what their age, within reason, but biology is different after a certain age.

 

[cerilou]

Hi ladies

I think the whole age issue will rumble on for years to come. Ultimately a lot of women feel they aren't ready to have children in their 20's and put it off until their 30's. I was 34 when I had my daughter and suffered a mc last week with my 2nd pregnancy. I will be 37 on Monday and appreciate that time may not be on my side but feel I am at the right age to emotionally and physically deal with a young family.

I agree that it's better to be aware of the possible pitfalls of having children a little later than is considered ideal, but once you have that urge, it's fair to say that nothing will stop you.

My OH and I are keen to try again once the shock and hurt of losing our LO has become easier to bear.

xx

 

[todteach]

nice to meet you Linzi. I'm 28 yrs old, had a miscarriage in May.

 

[Omi]

Hiya, sorry to hear about your loss.

I justed wanted to say i really appreciate hearing from 'older' ladies on here in the same boat as me, im 38 and had a mc in feb. (can i also say i understand the biological age is different that how you look and feel- i was refused buying a bottle of wine in Asda a few months back cause forgot id- didnt think i needed one, lol!!! ) But fact is this is where i am through no fault of my own may i add..i didnt put it off..its just how my life panned out. But i have noticed many women having healthy, easy pregnancies past 35 and healthy babies- so in the end i think its just a luck of the draw really..and some tenacity helps as well, lol!!

Im going to the doctors with my other half on the 14th, just to get the ball rolling cause i want to be proactive and not lose out on any chance i can have (although am prefectly healthy- just old eggs, lol). Point is- I will have a baby one day!!!

Good luck to all!!

, Omi xxx

 

[linzi74]

Hi Omi

Sorry about your mc. I guess on here we are in the same boat with that one so we all understand the pain and loss. This age debate will rage on and on but like you said, sometimes this is just how life works out. I am sure you and your partner will have beautiful LO very soon the best of luck to you both.

xxxx