I was a teenage Mum!

[kookyklw]

Hello ladies,

Just wanted to offer my advice if anyone wants it! I was a Mum first time round as a teenager, got pregnant at 14 and had my daughter at 15. For me it was the best thing I ever did but I had a great deal of family support. She's 17 now and I'm pregnant again so very different for me but if I can help with any support or experiences just give me a shout!

Good luck to you all x

 

[divershona]

thanks

 

[AngelzTears]

Aww what a lovely story

Were you scared a lot? And did your friends all abandon you (mine did)? Was it hard to adjust to life being about your baby and not about you anymore?

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw!

 

[kookyklw]

Aww what a lovely story

Were you scared a lot? And did your friends all abandon you (mine did)? Was it hard to adjust to life being about your baby and not about you anymore?

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw!

Thank you! Yes I was scared but you have a lot of advantages being younger. I worry a lot more now than I did with my daughter, and my body coped with it much better!

My friends were rather pants bar a certain few and I remember my first Christmas when I was pregnant and people bought me baby things, I was like "hey! She's not here yet!! What about me?!".

It was not so hard to adjust, once you see your little one you'll naturally adjust. Do you have family support at all? It's always a good idea to get out and do a few teenage things when you can. I used to take my daughter to a youth bus once a week and she was spoilt rotten on there and it just gave me a few hours to relax and be 'me;.

All in all it's fantastic, not easy, but it's not easy at any age! We are very close now, we often laugh until we cry and I understand her much more than a lot of the Mums do with their daughters at her school x

 

[bbyno1]

aww thank you
was you with the father of the baby when you had your daughter?
and if so how did your relationship change?u still together now?x

 

[rainbows_x]

Thankyou!
Great hearing from someone who was a teenage mother!

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

xxx

 

[LoisP]

congratulations on your pregnancy. And thanks, nice of you to offer your knowledge and support to us young mummies. And wow, 14 and pregnant? And i'm crapping myself at 18! Sorry if this is being too nosey, but how would you feel if your daughter became pregnant? Do you think you'd be more lenient with her as you was a teen mum yourself?

 

[kookyklw]

To answer in turn, my daughters Dad was not a good person. He did try to start with but he rarely bothers with her any more, as she got older I think he just struggled to relate to her. It's not going to turn up that way for everyone but it didn't work out for us, we split when I was 18 and we do stay in touch for her sake but only when needed. The relationship wasn't good to start with, I work with a lady who met her husband at 14 and she's still very happy with him at 60! So the happy ending is there for some

If my daughter got pregnant I would be more lenient. She's 17 now and going off to university though so I hope she gets that out of the way first! It was one of my worries as I grew up, I mean I wouldn't have been able to be disappointed at her after doing it myself. She's very different to me though, I was very rebellious, she's more lazy that me and doesn't seem to want to bother to rebel

I'm curious, how have you found the care system treats you? They were terrible with me because of my age and didn't trust me to make any judgement calls myself, very frustrating x

 

[WaitingForYou]

You still find that within the care system in this country. A lot of people believe teenagers will not know how to bring up a child. Funny thing is a lot of teenage mothers I know are probably better mothers than a lot of women twice our age out there. You never hear much good about teenagers and how they cope with parenting, its always in the media from a negative point of view. Therefore any stereotypical view tend to be bad ones.

I was fell pregnant and gave birth when I was 18, I was very rebellious teenager. From a very young age I would mother my siblings, and even from the age of around 3 my family knew one day I would become a young mother. I always said I would too. I would much rather have my children now, I'm at my most fertile, I will relate to my daughter better through her teens (something I always wish happened with me and my mum), my body will cope with the pregnancy better and I have time for my career a little bit later in life. When I got pregnant with my daughter my life totally changed. I went from the rebellious teenager constantly in trouble to one of the most dedicated, calm and loving parents. My friends thought I would be the last to want to start a family but my best friends knew me better than that. My one goal in life was to have a family that I can provide for and offer every single bit of my love too.

If you can cope, I don't see the problem with having a baby young. I have seen sooo many teen mum on this forum who sound like they do the most amazing job. People have to begin to look past the 'baby for an accessory' stereotype. Society is changing, even in the last 20-30 years from when my mother was a teen mum, its becoming more and more common for teenager to get pregnant and bring up their babies.

Good on you for offering your advice

 

[newmommy23]

Have you ever felt like you wished you had had your whole childhood? do you feeling like having her hindered your life? Would you do it differently if you could?

 

[kookyklw]

Have you ever felt like you wished you had had your whole childhood? do you feeling like having her hindered your life? Would you do it differently if you could?

Not at all! Not one little bit in fact. The only thing I would have changed would have been I would have taken advantage of the chance to finish my schooling, GCSEs. As it stood, I took them when I was 18 and loved doing them and learning then did my a levels at 21 via distance learning and some tuition.

I missed out on years of my childhood but what I lost there I more than made up for once my daughter was old enough to experience things with me!

Over the years we have done so much together, travelled round Europe, we go to Glastonbury every year, and I have spent the last two years as she has been doing her GCSEs and her A levels getting my career on track. I worked for most of her life but in jobs that fitted around her. Some were terrible, some were really interesting! But all gave me a real zest for life and a wealth of experience that stood me in good stead last year when I got a job as a charity fundraiser and am now in a senior position!

I of course will be postponing that to have my next child but my daughter and I can make each other laugh until we cry without even trying, and I wouldn't change my life for the world.

I don't want to pretend it was a walk in the park, of course there were times I missed my mates and wanted to be out doing what teenagers were 'meant' to do, but I did get the odd chance to do that and do you know, I didn't miss out on much

Are you worrying about that side of things? x

 

[newmommy23]

I don't know that's really the one thing my not very supportive family keeps bringing up. I already love her so much....and I don't think I would ever regret her....but I guess all their talk about how my life is over and I won't ever be able to do anything again scares me.

 

[WaitingForYou]

Its tough not doing stuff other people your age do. Especially hearing things that happen with your friends and stuff. Way I see it, I chose to have my child so I chose the life that follows. You hear things and think 'aww, they sound like they are having a good time, I wish I could go out for the night', but I tell you when it gets round to getting out for a night and leaving your baby (every mother deserves this right, occasionally!) you will realize your having fun but something is missing. Your baby!! You will count down the minute to see her, trust me. its so worth those weekends in thinking you are trapped.

 

[newmommy23]

I mean, I don't really do much anyway! I don't like to 'party' or whatever, but I really love roller derby and I hope someday I will be able to go back

 

[kookyklw]

I mean, I don't really do much anyway! I don't like to 'party' or whatever, but I really love roller derby and I hope someday I will be able to go back

Do they have any creche facilities there? Or do you have friends that might spell you for a short time?

Your family are not being supportive by telling you your life is over, can I take a guess that they were not young Mums? People tend to say that when they don't understand the situation I find.

Your life is not over, it's only just beginning and you're going to have many chances to do the things you want to do so don't heed their warnings xx

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

I don't know that's really the one thing my not very supportive family keeps bringing up. I already love her so much....and I don't think I would ever regret her....but I guess all their talk about how my life is over and I won't ever be able to do anything again scares me.

Owww hun, i know what you mean, i mean my family don't say it, but i've had people and "friends perants" say things like.. "ohh you're gunna be stuck in whilst everyone else is out" - and yeah you probably will miss having the option to do these things - but hey, partying is soooo boring if you do it ALL the time, it's always the same, but if you do it once and while it's a giggle - you really enjoy it..
and you can get someone to look after her every so often - especially as your still with your OH, i'm sure he'd help? like if you felt really low and wanted to go out and just be "you" and not "mummy" then, you can have time to do that..
xx