I Was Spanked, But I Refuse To Spank My Own Children

[Wobbles]

I would never hit another adult to solve a conflict in my life, so why would I hit a child that is still trying to learn so much?

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I'm aware this is a hot topic but please keep it friendly.

This article isn't by me, I simply share relevant articles from Momtastic, some I relate to some I don't but we aren't all the same. I personally related to this part my own reason:

But the fear in my childrens eyes the one or two times I splanked them stopped me cold

My history of being spanked is a little extreme but so many emotions hit me when those couple of times I did (tapped bums not spanked to the degree I experienced so you know) I too was greeted with fear and shock in their eyes.

I don't judge other parents for their parenting methods because I know not all situations are as extreme as mine but I can't help wonder if they have some self control (and hope they do) when I see it happen.

The girls Dad thought I should tap the girls bums and again I don't judge him for that it's personal reasons its a massive NO for me.

What about you?

Discuss.

 

[Scout]

I've never spanked. I was spanked as a child with everything from a belt to objects (frying pan, brush...whatever was closest I suppose). I do recall getting so stubborn once that I refused to cry(apparently my mom's goal), so my mom just hit harder and harder until she had to stop because her hand hurt. She never did get me to cry. I was also spanked by my 1st grade teacher. I remember becoming a bit withdrawn at school after that.

I decided a long time before I ever had daughter to not spank. My mom usually hit out of anger, which meant she usually went overboard. I was left with marks lots of times. There have been a few times I've been so angry (usually because I'm over tired) that if I hit dd I'm afraid I would hurt her really bad, so I just don't do it at all. I usually go scream into a pillow when I'm that angry and it helps. Thankfully it doesn't happen often!

I know people who spank. They are doing what they think is best for their family, just like I am. I've had people tell me I'm wrong for not spanking. Usually they say dd will be spoiled and so forth if I don't spank her. I don't buy that. DD is generally very good and minds well and responds to punishments like time out. I find her behavior even better when I praise her for what she's doing right instead of focusing on what she's doing wrong.

I really like the 1st sentence in your post. Children are just learning.

 

[sequeena]

I was hit as a child. My parents used objects too. Once when I was a young teen my mother battered me with a hard soled slipper.

I abhor smacking and I am ashamed to admit I have smacked my son's bum. It was a complete lack of control on my part and I felt sick. I realise that the anger I felt stems from my childhood but I refuse to be my parents. When a situation gets out of control I make sure my son is safe and I leave the room.

I never ever want to make my son feel afraid of me like I was my parents. I immediately apologised and told him why I was wrong. Being a calm mum does not calm naturally to me but I try so hard every day because my son is learning and I can't expect him to behave perfectly all the time or keep his emotions in check.

 

[_Meep_]

I've never and hopefully would never hit either of my children, though I've come close to wanting to smack my toddler on a couple of occasions. However, if I actually did so, how dare I and what right have I to disrespect my child in that way? I'd find it difficult to forgive myself.

My parents very occasionally smacked when one of us was truly awful, but for the most part were patient and gentle. So for me, it has had no lasting effects, but I worry for those who are using it as a consistent form of discipline as it can so easily spiral out of control and become abuse.

Best just not to do it at all, in my opinion.

 

[WackyMumof2]

I only ever got a boot up the butt or the jug cord a couple of times. Unlike I brother, I learnt - fast. For me, it's not traumatised me BUT we were never abused either and it was only used as a last resort when everything else had failed.

I personally, do spank. But within reason and without objects due to the change in the law. In saying that, I do NOT spank lightly and it's only ever used as a last resort. While it works for DS1 and generally in the middle of a meltdown, it doesn't work for DS2 and just makes him rage more than he already is. If it's used in the right form I don't think there is anything wrong with it. But I don't beat my children repeatedly either.

 

[LoraLoo]

I think society skirts around the issue of hitting children by using worlds such as spanking, tapping, smacking etc.
I also find it bizarre that if we hit anyone or anything else, we would be prosecuted, does a dog really have more rights than our children? The most vunerable members of our society? Strange it is.
My mum used to hit me as a kid, with her hand or sometimes a shoe, i was defiant and would scream it never hurt, with tears pouring down my face- that would make her more angry so id get another one until i shut up. Today, me and my mum have a good relationship but ill never respect her for hitting me, it was a complete lack of control on her part.
My kids push my buttons most days and it can be really hard to not snap but i dont ever want to cause my kids unnecessary pain, there are other, more effective ways to discipline.

 

[Scout]

Being a calm mum does not calm naturally to me but I try so hard every day because my son is learning and I can't expect him to behave perfectly all the time or keep his emotions in check.

Not natural for me either and it's a lot of hard work to be not like my mom. Should clarify that not spanking is not hard for me, but not yelling is. My mom yelled all the time. Over everything. It was horrible and, for me, more emotionally damaging that the hitting. I've yelled at my dd twice and both times she broke down in tears and I felt just awful. I apologized to her. Now, if I feel the need, I go to my bedroom and scream in a pillow. (which works wonders by the way) Oh, and I'm meaning yelling out of anger, not yelling for a child to stop if they are running toward the road or something like that. A bit off topic .