If/when do you tell people you are ttc??

[jenners45]

I was just wondering have any of you told your friends and family that you are ttc? My husband and I have been married for 4 years only for the last 6 months have we stopped using contraceptives, we haven't concieved yet but I hope it wont be long. Ever since we got married though we keep getting the old 'so when are you two going to have children' (mostly from his family!) I personaly think its quite rude to ask and would never do so myself, what would your response be?

 

[My_Story]

We haven't told my OH family. We've told my SIL who I'm very close to and his best friend. I don't think it's anyone's business other than yours and your husbands! If you wanna tell people and ask them to keep it to themselves then that's entirely your decision sweetie good luck with whatever you choose to do! Sophie xx

 

[oodles]

Personally, I have "sort of" mentioned it to a few of my family members. My mom has never asked, but last year I told her we planned on starting to try sometime in 2015. She doesn’t know we started already and I don’t have any plans to tell her either. Other members of my family know that after XYZ happens we plan on trying, but this is information I gave voluntarily. If someone asked me directly I would feel uncomfortable and would not reply affirmatively or I’d just laugh it off.

I do think it is rude for other people to ask, but some people have no tact. As one of my relatives put it, “if you ask that question to a couple you should ask if they plan on having children not when; not everyone wants to.”

If you don't feel comfortable lying you can always be vague and say, “sometime within the next ten years.”

Good luck ttc!

 

[doctordeesmrs]

We've never told anyone. It's enough pressure without people constantly asking if you're pregnant yet.

 

[KatO79]

I told pretty much everyone back in October 2013 when we started TTC and it was a big mistake

Now that we're having issues conceiving (starting IUI this cycle), I have to hear every fertile woman's advice of "Just relax and it'll happen" or "Take a vacation" or "Why don't you adopt?" even before we've given assisted conception a try. The vast majority of our families just don't understand what we're going through. Friends are also pretty clueless except for maybe one since his sister needed IVF to conceive but even he told us "Trying is the fun part!"

So unless you want to feel pressure from people or hear all their "sage" advice and annoying comments, be very selective who you tell, especially if it takes you longer than 6 months to conceive. I totally regret telling 95% of the people we know about us TTCing, especially my super fertile mother, super fertile MIL and my brother and sister plus their significant others. It's lead to a lot of hurt feelings and conflicts in the past 1 year 3 months we've been trying, especially recently

To people who are asking you "When are you two gonna have kids" there are 2 options. If it's acquaintances or strangers, just try saying "Wow that's a pretty personal question, don't you think?" and quickly change the topic to something else. Family and friends you can say something like "We'll see" or "It'll happen when it happens" or something vague like that and just change the topic. If they keep asking just tell them you don't wish to further discuss it and keep trying to change the topic.

Good luck with TTCing

 

[Penguin20]

I haven't told anyone as feel like it's enough pressure without having people keep chipping in with "just relax" "don't think about it, it will happen" as my sister who just been told she got to have IVF has people saying it to her all the time and I don't want people saying it to me to

 

[aidensxmomma]

I haven't told anyone that we're TTC. I don't want any comments from people and I definitely don't want people constantly asking if I'm pregnant yet.

I may tell my brother and SIL but that's only because I'm very close to them and my brother is my OH's best friend. There are one or two other friends I might tell, but I haven't yet and don't have any plans to in the near future. If my OH and I have problems conceiving, I may talk to some of my family about it to get some support, but even that's iffy.

If people started asking me when my OH and I are going to have children, I would just laugh and brush off their questions with a "oh, I don't know" or "Eventually." I think it's a really personal question to ask someone and I think it's kind of rude unless you're a really close friend or something.

 

[prettybirdy27]

i told a few people, and I wish so much that I could take it back and not have told anyone. It's opened up a huge can of worms.

 

[Kellya009]

I don't see a problem with being honest with family and close friends. My SIL is always saying at big family gatherings that no one should count on them for more babies but then she tells me she can't wait for her next mat leave in 2015. So she's lying to them. I have no idea why. I Told our family we were hoping to have a newborn by next christmas but who knows. Now that I've had one mc though maybe people will be less likely to bug me about being pregnant. If acquaintances do bug me about it I usually tell them about our loss in hopes that they'll be more sensitive in the future b

 

[jenners45]

Thanks all, it does bug me that its always the super fertile 'I get pregnant just by thinking about it' type people that tend to ask and don't seem to realise we arn't all that lucky! Well I don't think I'll say anything anytime soon, I'll just continue with my standard response of smiling and saying 'maybe one day'!

 

[skypink.mommy]

People..especially friends always ask my DH and I "so when are you guys having another one" or "so do you guys not want anymore kids" my response over the holidays was ... 2015 will be our year . But I didn't say when or any info ..little do they know we are officially TTC this month ��

 

[JessP]

My husband and I just started trying about two months ago. I didn't tell anyone because I haven't been checked out and I don't want everyone excited for nothing (all my husband's friends have a baby or toddler). Plus my mom said we shouldn't try until after I get my BA at least... although grad school is going to be even more stressful so I disagree with her.
My husband went out the other night and told all his friends even though he still feels awkward when I mention it to him so I got really pissed off. Now when I see them they're all smiles and super annoying about it. I didn't want to tell anyone at all until I actually became pregnant but since we never really discussed that my husband kind of ruined it.
Still irritates me that I haven't even seen a doctor yet and he went and told everyone we're TTC.

 

[Kellya009]

Jess P when I went to my dr for my preconception checkup he didn't do anything... He just told me to take folic acid while we're trying and not get drunk. And if we didn't get pregnant in a year he said they'd do tests. I wouldn't worry about seeing a dr before you TTC unless you have some health issues!

 

[prettybirdy27]

I posted a quick reply to this yesterday, and I'd like to take a moment to expand on my reply.

Initially we hadn't planned to tell our parents, but the opportunity for us to take a dream vacation came up. In the moment, we were so concerned about the money (we'd be dipping into our baby savings) that we went to DH's parents and told them the deal - that this dream vacation opportunity came up, but that we would have to dip into our baby savings, and we want to start trying really soon, so do they think it's a good idea for us to dip into the savings?

In retrospect, we didn't have to tell them at all, but we were concerned about the money.

It opened up a whole ordeal. My MIL was waiting on my husband's older brother and his wife to start having kids, and as soon as she heard we were going to start, she turned the heat on under them to start. They had announced that they weren't going to have kids, but she started pressuring them to no end to have kids first. She even went so far as to pull me aside and give me a lecture about how I needed to wait, how HER SON isn't ready, all the things I need to change about him before he'll be ready, etc etc etc.

She ended up pushing his older son and his wife so much, that they were forced into a position where they had to go around to family and explain their decision and why, even though they weren't comfortable talking about it, just to get her to back off.

All of that happened because DH and I couldn't keep our mouths shut. I know it would've come up once we got pregnant, but at least then my MIL wouldn't have included the "You're too young to be a mom, but at least you'll be better that one of those 17 year old crack whore moms" conversation. And hopefully their attention would've been on us so much that she wouldn't ave pressured her older son and his wife so much.

 

[JessP]

Jess P when I went to my dr for my preconception checkup he didn't do anything... He just told me to take folic acid while we're trying and not get drunk. And if we didn't get pregnant in a year he said they'd do tests. I wouldn't worry about seeing a dr before you TTC unless you have some health issues!

Thank you that makes me feel millions better. I've been pushing it off so much because our insurance is horrible atm. Now I'm just going to wait until I finally get pregnant.

 

[SOLA]

Honestly my advice if you are asked such a question is just to stylishly wave it off without been rude. i guess some of them that ask mostly do mean well actualy

 

[SOLA]

After a long search you’ve found the love of your life. It took longer than expected but you took your time
in choosing just the right mate whose personality and ambitions match your own. You both want to make
a home together and you both want children. But now you’re beyond the age where conception happens
on your wedding night and you’ve got prospective grandparents on both sides of the family watching your every behavior for signs you might be pregnant.
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[rebeccalouise]

we've told a few close people, and we haven't kept it much of a secret. if someone openly asks, we will tell them we're trying. I have PCOS, so it isn't something that's going to happen quickly for us, but no one has been rude enough to ask if we're pregnant yet etc.