If you started out breast feeding-please I need advice!

[optimistic1]

When did you decide to formula feed? I love breast feeding, I love all the benefits, and I love being close to my daughter but lately I'm getting really bad anxiety when she eats....like I'm almost irritated with her for even being hungry sometimes (which you can imagine is making me feel like a terrible person) while she's sucking I get this restless feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin and I don't know what to do about it. My daughters 4 weeks old I always planned on ebf atleast until she started teething and then give her expressed milk in a bottle and eventually give formula if needed. I hate the way I feel and its making me want to stop breast feeding so I don't have to feel this resentment towards my daughter. Idk if this makes sense I might just be making myself sound terrible but I just need some advice. I'm coming to you ladies because I know there will be absolutely no judgment if I do decide to stop breast feeding..thank you ahead of time for your advice and support.

 

[Bunanie]

Hey it's apparently a fairly common feeling, I rmb reading another post abt this on bnb a few months (?) ago

I had the same feeling in the beginning, like I almost resent her for sucking on my boobs, wanna push her away.. I felt disgusting. It's really weird.

But its only a phase (crazy hormones maybe?) I think it lasted max 2 weeks for me, I haven't felt that way since.

But I have started giving her a bit of formula at 4.5 months mainly to bottle train her (she used to be a bottle refuser and i didn't want to waste any of my precious ebm) and its really not as bad as I thought! Esp when there are loads of babies thrive on formula, including myself and DH

No need to feel guilty abt giving formula, but don't stop bf if its only due to that weird feeling towards ur LO.

 

[Miss cat]

I started out breast feeding and stopped when my baby was 4 weeks old. I felt exactly the same. I got given a way out though by my g.p who told me that I couldn't breast feed when I was on antibiotics. Since then I haven't looked back. I'm much happier seeing my baby feed with formula and be satisfied at the end rather than fussing for me. I resented my baby for me feeling sad every time he fed. My nipples were sore, he wanted to feed every 30 minutes, it used to make me cry.
What ever you do, don't feel bad if breast feeding is not for you. The way I see it is that I'm actually sane for my baby now, which is a lot better than an emotional wreck. Best of luck to you.

 

[optimistic1]

Thank you both very much. I'm going to try to stick it out as long as possible and I might even combi-feed occasionally so OH can feed her and I can have a break. I hate feeling that way and I know my OH doesn't understand at all what I'm going through so I know he won't be supportive if I want to stop breast feeding which will make me feel even worse if I stop...I think if I had a moment to myself every now and then it wouldn't be bad or if she would self settle instead of thinking she needs to be on my breast in order to sleep id be okay but its really getting to me that I'm with her all day 24-7 and all I get help with is the occasional diaper change...its frustrating especially on weekends when I'm getting up in the middle of the night even though he doesn't have to work..I think that's when I need to combi-feed even though throughout the night doesn't bug me as much as throughout the day..idk thanks for reading my problems I'm sure I'll figure something out if not I'll be joining you ladies sooner than I thought!

 

[lch28]

oh hun. i bfed for 2.5 weeks and then pumped/formula fed for a month, and since then Jonathan is exclusively formula fed. Please dont beat yourself up. It is not for everyone! Jonathan couldn't latch well and just wasn't satisfied. The first time he had a bottle he looked like he was in heaven, he fell right asleep for 4 hours and has been a different boy ever since

 

[lch28]

I know how you feel , my Ex was useless never helped at all, were no longer together but I haven't slept more then 3 hours in 5 months. Its hard

 

[optimistic1]

Oh gosh I'm sorry you guys split up! I hope if I do decide to combi-feed OH doesn't become completely useless! He only is now because he can't exactly feed her and she won't go to sleep unless she's on my chest. Feeding her only irritates me when she does it for hours at a time with no breaks and falls asleep but wakes as soon as I put her in bed so maybe if I give her the occasional bottle I won't get so irritated when she does this...atleast I'm hoping so I love breast feeding I just hate all the rules to it and how time consuming it is!

 

[HanaK]

I breastfed my son for 8 weeks. Part of me loved it - the sense of satisfaction because I'd kept on even though it was tough, knowing I was doing the best for him, the convenience... The list goes on. However I always had this feeling at the back of my mind that something wasn't right - he was fussy even when I knew he couldn't be hungry. We combi fed for a while - that worked pretty well as it meant I could get a stretch of sleep longer than two hours at night and could go out for a few hours for dinner with friends or to the gym. My supply never noticeably dipped nor did he get nipple confusion. In the end I decided to purely ff as we did a list of pros and cons. It wasn't a decision I took lightly but it was the right one for us. I guess what I'm trying to say is, take some time to work out what is best for all of you. If you feel at peace with your decision then it's the right one. However, the best piece if advice I was ever given was never give up on a bad day...

In the end I felt breastfeeding was causing me some form of PND but I'm proud of myself for keeping it up as long as I did. Whatever you decide will be the right decision!

 

[justmesap]

I introduced formula at 3 weeks, lo is 11 weeks now. I mainly introduced it because those first few weeks were Very tiring and it was easier to have my mum, dh or someone else be able to feed her while I was resting.
I'm currently combi-feeding, I still enjoy breast feeding but bottle feeding is always handy. I express when I can, that may be an option for you.
Do what you feel is best! Try not to stress over it too much.

 

[optimistic1]

Thank you hanak that's very helpful advice. I'm not going to give up easily but I think I might give her formula once or twice a day a couple times a week and pump when id usually feed her so I can build up a small stash for when I'm working and when I just need a bfing break I can give her expressed milk. I think I like to be able to tell myself that formula is an option..a lot of bfing moms tell themselves that breast feeding is the only options and when something goes wrong its so much more heart breaking when they have to switch. That's why I came to you ladies to gear your stories so I don't beat myself up if it does come to me switching.

 

[Jendra]

I was breastfeeding but I had crazy low supply after delayed milk. I've been combi-feeding, but am ready to stop. My son doesn't like my expressed milk. I've been mixing it with formula and he still doesn't like it. It's making me nuts and I feel rejected. He just loves formula. He'll only take the breast in the morning, probably because he's still sleepy.

It's possible that it's been going off from too much of a certain enzyme that can be stopped by scalding the milk. But seriously? Really? Pumping and then scalding too? I am not about to do all that for breast milk. I get that it's healthiest, but I'm not currently mentally healthy from all the focus this area of life is already getting. Screw it.

I'm going to transition to formula only soon to save my sanity. I'm sick of pumping and leaking for little gain. I've given it three months and I'm satisfied.

As for you, follow your heart. I think you'll know what's best if you listen to your inner voice and shut out the rest. No one else is the boss of you. You may choose to keep BF, you may combi-feed and you may FF. Either way your baby will be nourished and will thrive.

 

[optimistic1]

Thank you Jendra and good luck to you as well!

 

[cupcaker]

I BF for six weeks, combi fed for a further two, then by week 9 he was exclusively FF. As much as I beat myself up it was the BEST feeling in the world not to breastfeed in the end, but I didn't have a normal circumstance, it really was the most painful thing I've ever done, and dont want to 'promote' FF over BF by any means as it's the best thing to do. But, we had so many problems with BF and truthfully I HATED breastfeeding. Sure being close/cuddly was nice but I do that with my son anyway! I didn't cry over all of my pregnancy, labour or birth, but cried everyday over breastfeeding! Swapping was the best decision I made, we are both so much happier and it's opened up a HELL OF A LOT more flexibility in life. I tried to hang on by a thread with expressing. I bought all the kit (medela at that) and ended up spending so much time sat pumping milk on the sofa I spent no decent time with my son.

As your problem isn't really painful or any troubles with the baby/latch/weightgain etc, maybe give it a little longer and express too when you want breaks, then see how you feel. As many will probably already have said remember replacing a feed with formula can reduce supply so you would have to be realy hot on expressing. I hope whatever you decide on makes you happier and gets easier, that's all that matters! A happy FFing mother is better than a worn out, aggravated and resentful BFing mum in my opinion. GOOD LUCK xx

 

[HanaK]

No one can prepare you for the guilt. I think it must be innate and hormonal but it is very real. I battled guilt for weeks before finally deciding. In the end we realised our son had benefitted for 8 weeks and that having a mentally healthy mummy far outweighed any further benefits from bf! That, obviously, is not the case for everyone though.

For me, it was the cluster feeding and the unpredictability of it all. I'm not hugely comfortable feeding in public (although I did - needs must) and some days found myself unable to move from the couch whilst he ate and fussed continuously. My LO still does have fussy periods (the witching hour around 8-9:30pm) but they are more manageable as my husband and I can split them.

I will add though, I was never able to pump and the only time I could express was if I was engorged. Thus I didn't have that extra commitment. Combi feeding worked pretty well for us - the only reason I finally stopped bf is that I hated feeling so tied.

 

[optimistic1]

Things are better today except I think I might be getting thrush.... Which sucks! I've been able to find time to pump in between feedings and just having even this small supply in the fridge is making me feel better because I know its there if I need a break. I also have a 2 cans of enfamil formula that came in the mail I'm going to buy a jug of nursery water and that will be my other "escape" route.

I have noticed I'm more irritated when she's cluster feeding because I had planned on using a nursing sling for these moments but it came in the mail and doesn't even fit so now, until I get a new sling, I'm stuck in one place when feeding and my back starts hurting my butt goes numb and sometimes she gets frustrated because of being tired or the possible thrush and is very very fussy and squirmy..when she's tired her latch gets super lazy which is probably the reasoning for the thrush (if that's what it is) but still for some reason I can see this tiny bit of light at end of the tunnel and I feel if I just stick through it things will get better cause they weren't always bad so maybe its just a phase were both going through..

Here's to things getting better! Thank you all for your advice! (especially telling me not to give up I was surprised by this but very happy about)

 

[Lavendel]

i had the same feeling, specially during the night or sometimes during the day when i was busy studying. i was going insane, so i started combi-feeding. i felt so much better and i seriously do not care what people think, my mental health is important too. you r the only one who can decide the best and most confortable way to feed ur baby!

 

[HanaK]

i had the same feeling, specially during the night or sometimes during the day when i was busy studying. i was going insane, so i started combi-feeding. i felt so much better and i seriously do not care what people think, my mental health is important too. you r the only one who can decide the best and most confortable way to feed ur baby!

I completely agree. I will say that breastfeeding does get easier once the initial first few weeks are over - baby gets more efficient and your technique improves. You may even be lucky enough (as I was) to have a baby that eats more in the day and only gets up once at night! You will find what works best. Do not listen to scare mongering and try not to feel guilty with whatever you decide!

 

[flamingpanda]

We had the most horrendous first week. I'd planned on EBF for 6 months but Hadley was born with a chest full of mucus and just didn't want my milk. I tried for 3 days in hospital with various midwives expressing for me because I couldn't get the hang of it. By day 3 I was terrified I was starving her, home sick and exhausted. I sat in the hospital bed and just sobbed. They finally offered me some formula at that point and Hadley had a very small drink. When I went home things felt better but as someone else said we were completely unprepared for the cluster feeding. No one had even mentioned this to us. Her latch was still rubbish too and she was lazy (probably through feeling rotten). It was constantly off and on with hardly any drinking. I was happier but after a week she had lost enough for them to threaten to admit her to hospital at the next checkup. We were advised to supplement.

At that point I felt like I finally had permission and I told my partner, enough is enough, she's having formula. The guilt is very real and it stays with you a long time but it was absolutely the right decision for all of us. She began feeding properly, I got some rest and I'm sure avoided some PND and Dad got involved too.

Your situation is very different but what I can say is a good mummy is a happy mummy. Your health and well being are important too.

 

[HanaK]

At that point I felt like I finally had permission and I told my partner, enough is enough, she's having formula. The guilt is very real and it stays with you a long time but it was absolutely the right decision for all of us. She began feeding properly, I got some rest and I'm sure avoided some PND and Dad got involved too.

Your situation is very different but what I can say is a good mummy is a happy mummy. Your health and well being are important too.

Different people cope with different set ups - they say that women who bf are less likely to suffer PND but my experience contradicted that. I've never suffered with depression and so didn't think I'd be likely to after LO was born, but the huge upheaval to our lives, combined with the stifling relationship with breastfeeding began to make me feel so down that I didn't start enjoying my son until I'd finally made the decision to stop. Surprisingly my son bf well after the initial first few weeks. We were successful at it, but I found it more and more depressing. I dreaded the days on my own stuck to the couch and I *hated* the nights with a passion. For me it was eventually a choice between bf and my mental health. What I learned is that mums don't make the decision to stop lightly - it's a huge internal battle. Ultimately you have to be happy otherwise the health benefits to the baby from breast milk aren't worth it - a loving, happy and confident parent is a child's primary need... I believe.

 

[cat lover]

HanaK i combifed dd1 and combifeed dd2. both lost lots of weight and i actially think they both jave upper lip ties, here noone checks but i agree, sitting on the sofa with dd1 for 6 hours was sending me to quite a dark place. ironically for me, formula is whats helped me continue to bf as it helped them gain weight and gave me a bit of a break x