I'm actually going to cry

[Althara]

I had a scare a few weeks ago. Utter fatigue and serious nausea. Nope. I just get a stomach bug.

One of my old teachers is pregnant.

And now my sodding little sister is.

I am not happy. The little twerp's 18. Been with her boyfriend for a measly 4 months. Has a puppy that just gets left in its crate all day because she can't be bothered to look after it. Is seriously mucking up her A-levels and hasn't even applied to university yet.

She does have a job. She did stop smoking and drinking when she found out. But still!!

WHY ME?!?! I've wanted a baby for ages. I'm still on the freaking pill because I know I can't support one yet. I'm getting really depressed with the way my situation looks; I want to be a mother before I'm 25, which gives me 5 years to finish my degree (year and a half), qualify (another 3 years), get a house and get married to my boyfriend (this is something I finally confessed I wanted too the other day lol, the look on his face was precious )

I just want a baby so much and now one's been given to my sodding irresponsible sister.

Life's not fair.

 

[silverbell]

Life definitely isn't fair, you're right.

I felt the same when a 17-year-old in my old job got pregnant. She promptly got a council house and benefits and hasn't worked since. She's now expecting another. (I'm not saying anything against those with council houses and claiming benefits - just that it made me feel worse because I've been working my behind off since I was 16 and can't afford a house and sometimes it makes you feel that you're rewarded if you just stay at home).

I'm 29 in March and have had to keep on waiting to be financially stable. Thankfully this time is now approaching, but it doesn't stop me wishing that time were here already.

I must say to you though that it's important not to set yourself deadlines. I always, always said that I wanted my first baby before I hit 30, but this just wasn't meant to be and I realised this a couple of years ago. At first it really upset me, but finally I realised that it's just a number and another year or 2 doesn't really matter - the number was in my head. It's important to keep your options and your mind open to all possibilities and not to get too hung up on 'I should be .... by this age' or 'I want to have done .... by this date'. Sometimes life just doesn't work that way.

Jealousy over your sister is totally normal. If I've felt insane jealously over my colleagues then I can't imagine how strong that jealously would be if my sister were to fall pregnant before me. It'll be your turn soon, I'm sure. You're doing the right thing in waiting and your LO will appreciate it one day.

 

[cdejdemommy]

Aw! I'm sorry. You're right - life is NOT fair but guess what? YOU are going to be the better mommy! YOU are going to be the one that can offer your baby the things in life that it deserves. YOU are the responsible one which in turn will reap great benefits for you and your baby in the future.
I don't care what anyone says - there is a right way and a wrong way to go about any given situation. There is a responsible and mature way to approach the events of life and then there is the irresponsible and immature way and both have consequences. Your sister's consequences will more than likely be negative ones. Sure she will love her baby and be happy that it is around but she is giving up so much because of it, she won't be able to give her daughter/son anything because she has gained nothing thus far in life.

Be proud of what you're doing. Be proud that you're being a responsible Mommy. Because the way I say it - you're already a Mommy and already thinking about what is best for your child - long before you actually know him or her!

That's the way I see all of you, and me! Yes, I already have 2 children so I am a Mommy but we ALL are. You guys are just waiting more than 9 months - it's a long wait but believe me - it is SOOO worth it!!

 

[shocker]

YOU are going to be the better mommy!

I dont mean to say that she wont but thats just ridiculous! Just because her sisters young doesnt mean she wont make a good mum, shes doing a really good thing here bringing up her baby and doing her best for it so who are you to say she wont be just as good a mother as the op??

Your sister's consequences will more than likely be negative ones. Sure she will love her baby and be happy that it is around but she is giving up so much because of it, she won't be able to give her daughter/son anything because she has gained nothing thus far in life.

Thats complete bull im sorry but you have a ridiculous view of young mothers, go take a look in the teen section and you'll quickly realise just how wrong you are.A completely unfair view imo.

On topic - waiting is insanely hard but you know your making the right decision and you'll be thankful you waited when you start ttc! Its insanely hard seeing others get pregnant when your waiting, i know a girl who got pregnant at 16 smoked and drank and now has her baby son whos perfectly healthy (luckily) I on the other hand take the utmost care and do everything right and am more responsible yet i dont have mine with me.Lifes insanely unfair but your time and mine will come around and it will be all the sweeter because of all that went before

 

[needausername]

I want my first baby before I am 25 too. Unfortunately I am 27 soon! Oh dear! And to top it off I am as about as single as they can get.

Ah well, all our waiting will be worth it in the end because will be ready to have a family and not just have a cute baby in cute clothes that we can't afford.

 

[mummylaura]

I am sorry about your situation , i have been where you are.

I was 20 and wanted a family of my own more than anything when my 16 year old sister got pregnant , i was so jealous of her . I was older and "meant" to be the parent first . Things did work out well though , things changed in a few years and by the time i was 23 i was married and pregnant. Now i am 28 with 3 children and she is the one jealous of me because she is desperate for more.

Oh yes my sister smoke ,drag and done illegal drugs during her pregnancy and had a perfectly healthy baby girl . I done everything right but my eldest was born with health issues , not that i would want anything to of happened to my niece (who is amazing and we all adore) but sometimes life is really unfair

 

[Bmary83]

I totally get ur jealousy, I am in the exact same situation as u in that I wanted to be more financially stable b4 I even thought about kids. It just seems like a massive kick in the teeth, however, I agree with the most of whats being said above, in the long run I think it'll be have a much longed for and planned pregnancy, rather than a surprise. I'm not saying that mothers who have surprises don't love their kids but when ur in our situation I feel its makes it that wee bit more special, and u can plan things, like saving, whether ur gonna go back to work etc. Sorry I can't be of any more help, but you're doing the right thing. N if i didn't believe that then I would of stopped taking precautions years ago. x

 

[Althara]

Thanks for your support, everyone You've really helped me feel better. I know waiting is gonna be better for all involved... And I'll have the added fun of knowing we're ttc and getting to plan when I want my baby born.

Silverbell - I know I shouldn't set dates, but it just makes me feel better looking at 2014 as the year when I'll hopefully be married, on my honeymoon and ttc than having a hazy 'someday' when I'll be pregnant lol - I like having something to aim for and look forward to!

Shocker, sweety, I'm sorry but I do agree with cdejdemommy in that I'll be a better parent than my sister will be. She may be earning whilst I'm not, but she's not saving any of it. She earns an average of over £100 a week from her job but spends it on fags, booze and clothes. She already has a puppy to provide for; but the poor thing is ignored so much that it literally throws itself at me whenever I come home from Uni as it knows it'll spend a few days out of its crate, even when our mum's at work. She's just shown nothing like the level of maturity and responsibility needed to raise a child in the past.

I'll bet the puppy in the crate thing is what's made people say my sister won't be as good a mother as I will be. But you never know... She has round about 7 and a half months to grow up. Might happen. Some teen mums can be wonderful, but equally some are useless. I'm willing to bet that my mum'll be the one taking care of the baby whilst my sister goes out boozing.

 

[Sophie1205]

Wow.

I understand the jealousy feeling.. I really do and to you on that one.

However...

I am not happy. The little twerp's 18. Been with her boyfriend for a measly 4 months. Has a puppy that just gets left in its crate all day because she can't be bothered to look after it. Is seriously mucking up her A-levels and hasn't even applied to university yet.

She does have a job. She did stop smoking and drinking when she found out. But still!!

I was 17 when I got pregnant....... Was only with my OH for 3 months.... I was doing my A-levels.... and already had a place in uni. NOW, I have an amazing 13 month old... me and OH are engaged and our living together in our own place. Oh, and I passed my A-levels with flying bloody colours. So give your sister some credit. Doesnt mean she's fucked up her life? You watch she'll be great.


Good luck with everything hun xx

Edited to add: she musnt be as irresponsible as you say if shes cared enough and managed to quit smoking and drinking?? and has a job??

 

[Althara]

Wow.

I understand the jealousy feeling.. I really do and to you on that one.

However... I was 17 when I got pregnant....... Was only with my OH for 3 months.... I was doing my A-levels.... and already had a place in uni. NOW, I have an amazing 13 month old... me and OH are engaged and our living together in our own place. Oh, and I passed my A-levels with flying bloody colours. So give your sister some credit. Doesnt mean she's fucked up her life? You watch she'll be great.

She -doesn't- have a place at Uni. She's failing everything. She had abysmal results last year and reckons she's failed both her year 13 Jan. exams and her resits from last year. Her job won't support her, her baby and her dog, let alone allow her to learn to drive, get her own car, get her own place with her boyfriend.... Nor will his wages.

Honestly, I can understand young mums defending other young mums on principle. But you lot do sound ridiculous when you try to pass judgement that -all- young mums are great. I know my sister a bit better than you do, I think, and I've seen how she handles responsibility recently.

I'm glad your situation worked out for you. Hers might not work out for her.

 

[Sophie1205]

Wow.

I understand the jealousy feeling.. I really do and to you on that one.

However... I was 17 when I got pregnant....... Was only with my OH for 3 months.... I was doing my A-levels.... and already had a place in uni. NOW, I have an amazing 13 month old... me and OH are engaged and our living together in our own place. Oh, and I passed my A-levels with flying bloody colours. So give your sister some credit. Doesnt mean she's fucked up her life? You watch she'll be great.

She -doesn't- have a place at Uni. She's failing everything. She had abysmal results last year and reckons she's failed both her year 13 Jan. exams and her resits from last year. Her job won't support her, her baby and her dog, let alone allow her to learn to drive, get her own car, get her own place with her boyfriend.... Nor will his wages.

Honestly, I can understand young mums defending other young mums on principle. But you lot do sound ridiculous when you try to pass judgement that -all- young mums are great. I know my sister a bit better than you do, I think, and I've seen how she handles responsibility recently.

I'm glad your situation worked out for you. Hers might not work out for her.

who they hell are you LOT? Oh god. Im not even gonna get myself into this.

Good luck to your sister anyway

 

[Sophie1205]

Just to add btw.....
We may sound "ridiculous" to you but we know how hard it is being a Mum and a young Mum at that so we would try and support anyone in a similar situation to us.
You never know, she may suprise you and be a good Mum. Motherhood changes and matures you.

 

[Althara]

"You lot" being the group of teen mums I've noticed on this site who just assume that every teenager is going to make a good parent, no matter what their circumstances.

Certainly, motherhood might change her. Might. Of course I'll be supporting her and my niece or nephew. But even though I'm supporting her I can still say that I don't think she'll make an excellent mother.

I'm sure being a young mum is hard. My contraception has never failed me, so I don't know what it's like. I'm actually shocked that, as a young mother, you're focussing more on my opinion of my sister and how she'll raise her baby than the fact that I have maturely chosen to wait, even though I've wanted a baby for ages. This is in the WTT forum. If I wanted support for, opinions on, or advice for, my sister; this would be on the 1st tri and teen pregnancy forums. As it happens, I actually was just after some support for myself; to keep me waiting as is the responsible, mature thing to do in my situation.

 

[shocker]

*edit*
I have nothing whatsoever nice to say so im going to say nothing

 

[Althara]

Wow, Shocker, thanks. I was supportive of you after your loss. I suppose because I'm choosing not to have a baby yet I'm not worthy of the same compassion?

 

[shocker]

Yes you were, and i owe you a lot for that, hence why i edited my post because our opinions on the matter differed and i didnt want to get into an argument.You are worthy of compassion which i gave in my first post, i didnt agree with what you said in posts after that so i was going to post but felt that since you have previously been understanding to me i should bite my tongue.Your choice to wait is something i commend i just disagree with your views on your sisters pregnancy and thats all, its nothing personal

 

[Althara]

Sorry, sweety. These last few posts have just felt like a bit of a personal attack is all, I'm sorry I got so touchy

It's just, this is my little sister... She's physically tiny, she still looks like a 12 year old. I know the kind of hell our family's going to put her through (our mum'll be great... the rest of them, not so much)... then there's all the stick pregnant teens get, and because she looks so much younger than she is... So I'm worried about her.

On top of that, I'm worried about my niece/nephew... What if my sister doesn't change? What if, a couple of months after having the baby, she gets bored/decides she wants to start smoking and drinking again? Bearing in mind she found out on Monday and is apparently roughly 6 weeks along, so the baby's been exposed to lots of cigarette smoke and alcohol as well... Or what if the worst happens and the baby ends up being ignored, like the puppy is? Or if my sister just carts the baby around as a trophy but leaves our mum to properly look after it?

And my mum and sister don't get along too well, most of the time. My sister usually refuses to take advice, and mum's incredibly controlling and interfering. They're gonna clash, and badly, at some point. What happens after that?

Add to that the fact that I've not yet really had the time to process how I'm feeling about this, and I'm gonna be a bit grouchy xD So I'm sorry if anything I've said has offended you, it's really and truly all just been directed at my sister's situation, and not teen pregnancies in general.

I just really don't appreciate strangers trying to pretend they know my sister better than I do, lol.


Edit: Also, I think because (despite what I tell my partner, lol) I was disappointed that my scare was just a stupid gut.... something (drs have no idea what it was lol, but got a bfn when tested just in case), and that was only at the start of this month... It's just a bit close really. I'd just about convinced myself it was for the best I wasn't pregnant, when all of a sudden my sister is... and she is in a worse position than me, generally speaking... Bit of a kick in the teeth, really.

 

[shocker]

you need those hugs you silly! Its ok Im a bit grouchy aswell lol so im sorry Its normal to be worried about your sister, but having a baby will change her it'll force her to grow up.It'll be insanely hard and some people may look down on her, but so long as she always does her best she will be a great mummy.Have you thought about inviting her to bnb? Theres a lot of lovely and very mature girlies in the teen pregnancy section who could help her through this, cause its terrifying and isolating and shes probablly terrified! I cant answer the questions only time can but im sure your niece/nephew is ok on the smoking/drinking front, theres girls who dont find out theyre pregnant til they give birth and smoke and drink loads which obviously isnt good but their babies are born just fine! The main thing is she has given up early and realises how bad it would be, giving up smoking is very hard and there are woman on here older than her who couldnt do it while pregnant so she should be very proud!

I can see why you'd be angry that the month you think your pregnant it turns out your sister is and your not, i think anyone would be upset by that hun.How much longer are you wtt? It sounds like your getting really stressed about it, is there anyway you can bring the date forward?

 

[Georgie90]

Shocker, sweety, I'm sorry but I do agree with cdejdemommy in that I'll be a better parent than my sister will be. She may be earning whilst I'm not, but she's not saving any of it. She earns an average of over £100 a week from her job but spends it on fags, booze and clothes. She already has a puppy to provide for; but the poor thing is ignored so much that it literally throws itself at me whenever I come home from Uni as it knows it'll spend a few days out of its crate, even when our mum's at work. She's just shown nothing like the level of maturity and responsibility needed to raise a child in the past.
.

How utterly patronising and a stupid thing to say! if thats your attitude your not going to be a good mummy at all!

If you teach your child to grow up with that attitude then he/she is in trouble!

No one has a right to judge how good of a mother someone will be, so i advise you stop acting so jealous and offer some support...and the twerp comment is just childish...

and before you ask, im not a teenage mummy...but i know a lot of girls on here bring their children up on next to know money at all and they are the best mothers i have ever known...money dont buy love and all that..

 

[Sophie1205]

All I'm going to say is NO ONE said they knew your sister better than you.... I simply said give her some credit... give her a chance. End of.

And really don't appreciate being called "you lot". Like were scum or something
Im not replying again because I have nothing nice to say either.

Good luck to your sister. And good luck with WTT.