I'm actually going to cry

[Althara]

Shocker, thanks for the understanding and sympathy, sweety I'm very proud of her for stopping too, I know it's only been a few days but she used to claim she couldn't go two hours without a fag xD I don't think I'll invite her to bnb though she may well find it on her own, largely because I wouldn't want her to see this! I've been speaking to her quite a lot recently and being nothing but supportive and giving her what legal and practical help I can over the phone, lol. I may well post in the teen section for her tho, ask the ladies there if there's anything she should know that the drs don't tell you ^.^ Thanks for that idea hehe

If all my training goes to plan, I've got another four years before ttc. OH plans to propose in 2 or 3 years depending on when we can get a house together, we'll marry early 2014 if all goes to plan and then try for a honeymoon baby! If the training thing doesn't go to plan but I can get a job, then it -might- be brought forward, but who knows! Our main goal is to be in our own home and married before we start ttc.


As to you, Georgie90, that was in no way patronising And I'm also not too sure what's wrong with wanting to have money set aside and being responsible over another life that already depends on me.... But hey, if you think that having no money set aside and neglecting an animal that is already entirely dependent on you is a good attitude for a mother, then maybe you won't make such a fab mum yourself. Think about that. Money doesn't buy love. It buys food and clothes and a roof over your head. It buys prams and nappies and bottles and all those other things you need to look after a baby, a dog, and yourself. -.-'

Sophie1205; when the heck did I imply you were scum? 'You lot' is a generic grouping term and I've already detailed which group of people I meant by 'you lot'. You're not scum. Thanks for your good wishes for my sister and myself, congrats on your baby and your engagement, too. Hope all goes well for you

 

[TinyBoots]

Wow... This thread turned really negative!

I can see both sides of the story here, and agree that it can be really frustrating.

But at least you are sticking firm by what you believe in hun, and you know that you are going to try to give your baby the best upbringing, and the most stable upbringing you possibly can when he/she arrives.

Everyone is entitled to their view and judgement about what constitutes the right/wrong way to bring up a baby, or the right/wrong time to conceive a child... Please don't attack each other x

 

[Georgie90]

The difference is, i never implied i was a good mum, no wonder your sister hasnt got a job, smokes, drinks etc she probably doesnt know how to look after another human being, with you for support i feel sorry for the poor love. When did i ever say its not best to put money away? Just calling someone a twerp isnt very responsible at all, not everyone has the option to save money, when you accidently fall pregnant you dont have the choice to put the baby off for a couple of years to finish your a levels or fast forward a year into your relasionship. If you have an attitude like that on here its not going to go down to well with some of the fab teen mummies on here.

Congratulations on becoming an auntie, i wish your sister luck in her pregnancy, and good luck with your honeymoon baby x

 

[Althara]

The difference is, i never implied i was a good mum, no wonder your sister hasnt got a job, smokes, drinks etc she probably doesnt know how to look after another human being, with you for support i feel sorry for the poor love. When did i ever say its not best to put money away? Just calling someone a twerp isnt very responsible at all, not everyone has the option to save money, when you accidently fall pregnant you dont have the choice to put the baby off for a couple of years to finish your a levels or fast forward a year into your relasionship. If you have an attitude like that on here its not going to go down to well with some of the fab teen mummies on here.

Congratulations on becoming an auntie, i wish your sister luck in her pregnancy, and good luck with your honeymoon baby x

Hun, I'm not sure you read my posts properly... My sister does have a job, she just hasn't had any money saved... She used to smoke and drink heavily but gave both up cold turkey at the beginning of the week when she realised she was pregnant... I've been nothing but supportive of her, I've only ranted about how I really feel about her pregnancy on here, to my OH and to our mum. I've rung and texted her every day, she knows I'm excited to have a niece/nephew on the way, I'm just worried about her general attitude to life and if that's gonna really change now she's pregnant. She'll be able to take her summer exams before the baby's due... I just hope she studies hard and does the best she can with the added pressure of the baby.

I apologise for snapping at you, I hadn't realised you hadn't read my posts properly Thank you for your wellwishes!

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Thats complete bull im sorry but you have a ridiculous view of young mothers, go take a look in the teen section and you'll quickly realise just how wrong you are.A completely unfair view imo.

Thank you for saying it so I didn't have to. *I* was offended by what was said up to this point in the tread.

OP--hang in there. I totally get how you feel. Bump Envy is the worst.

 

[TinyBoots]

I think bump envy makes us all a little crazy at times!

Althara - I'm sure your sister will make a great Mum It's just a bummer when you know yourself it's not the right time for you, no matter how badly you want your own little bump xxxx

 

[Althara]

Hehe Tinyboots I totally agree with bump-envy making me crazy >.< I do feel bad about some of the things I've said, but at the same time better out so I can reflect upon it than in and festering! And despite what I've said and my own opinions on the matter, if I catch anyone talking dirt about my little sister and my niece/nephew they'll be getting a sharp ejection from our house. I'm her sister, I'm allowed to tell her if she's being silly... No one else is! xD Thanks for your support xxxx

 

[TinyBoots]

Haha... You're right. You can say things about your own, but god forbid anyone else bad mouthing them! x

 

[xxxjacxxx]

Can we please try and keep this civil now?

Thanks Girls

 

[Bmary83]

Wow... This thread turned really negative!

I can see both sides of the story here, and agree that it can be really frustrating.


Everyone is entitled to their view and judgement about what constitutes the right/wrong way to bring up a baby, or the right/wrong time to conceive a child... Please don't attack each other x

A Tinyboots says, but can I add in Althara's defense, who here can say they haven't lashed out by saying things in the heat of the moment and directed their anger at the most obvious victim(in this case teenage mums).

Let's go back to ranting about the men. Its usually always their fault anyway. lol xx

 

[mummy3]

wow this is really heated! Althara I feel for you, its awful wanting a baby so much but not quite being able to try, more so when your body plays tricks! You are being so mature though by waiting and putting yourself in the best situation for your baby. You have every right to come on here and vent, to be honest I think I would have a lot more to say on it if my little sister got pregnant in those circumstances!

Defo well done for stopping the smoking etc but wth with the puppy?!

Teen mums do have a bad reputation, in some cases that is deserved but in others its not, just like any other women. You will have to suck it up and defend her, because right or wrong that is exactly what society is like and because that is not going to be easy when you are so broody.

Also whilst its obvious you have grown up quickly your sister at 18 is in some ways just a kid, she was behaving like a kid before too ( this isnt judgement, at 18 I was in no way ready either), perhaps you should direct her to the teen forum, the vast majority of those girls are the ones who prove society wrong! With your support you could make your sister an excellent mum and you are going to be the best aunt ever!!!

If you need to let of steam feel free to pm me

 

[sleepinbeauty]

^ that said, I have a list of other sites that would be good for her if you don't want her here because this is your space or something. I know I don't want my sisters on here either for the same reason. Granted, one's 9... lol

 

[tasha41]

I know this must be doubly hard for you to want a baby so badly and have to wait and then to also have to see your sister go through this. Not "go through this" as in it's a tragedy etc but it isn't a walk in the park.. not that motherhood is at any age really!

Just try to sit back and trust her. I smoked cigarettes, drank every weekend, and smoked pot as well at parties before I got pregnant. I was a bit wild for my own good.

When I found out I was pregnant I totally stopped going out, because that's what all my friends did all the time. I worked, went to college, and spent time with my boyfriend and our families.

YES I did leave college at the end of one semester when I was pregnant and NO I don't know when I can go back or if I will be able to afford that and childcare and be able to balance work/parenting/school/home life.. but no one knows what their future holds. A plan is fantastic but things don't always work out that way, and you just have to adapt. Give her a chance hun. I would try to avoid "twerp" comments to her too, and choose your words wisely around discussing your concerns about her when you speak to her because a teenager loaded up with hormones will more than likely take it the wrong way and shut you out.

Be happy hun, you're going to be a fabulous auntie soon and a good mother someday too!

 

[Althara]

Give her a chance hun. I would try to avoid "twerp" comments to her too, and choose your words wisely around discussing your concerns about her when you speak to her because a teenager loaded up with hormones will more than likely take it the wrong way and shut you out.

Be happy hun, you're going to be a fabulous auntie soon and a good mother someday too!

Thank you for your sympathy

Rest assured I'm not so much of a bitch that I said any of that to her face! It's on here because I needed to say it, and obviously anyone who could tell my sister I've said it was gonna be a bad choice to say it to, so... Yeah. Thanks for the hormone advice tho... My nicknames for her (which she knows are meant totally in good faith and not as insults) are usually 'midget' and 'brat' lol, so will stop using those! xD

 

[cdejdemommy]

YOU are going to be the better mommy!

I dont mean to say that she wont but thats just ridiculous! Just because her sisters young doesnt mean she wont make a good mum, shes doing a really good thing here bringing up her baby and doing her best for it so who are you to say she wont be just as good a mother as the op??

Your sister's consequences will more than likely be negative ones. Sure she will love her baby and be happy that it is around but she is giving up so much because of it, she won't be able to give her daughter/son anything because she has gained nothing thus far in life.

Thats complete bull im sorry but you have a ridiculous view of young mothers, go take a look in the teen section and you'll quickly realise just how wrong you are.A completely unfair view imo.

On topic - waiting is insanely hard but you know your making the right decision and you'll be thankful you waited when you start ttc! Its insanely hard seeing others get pregnant when your waiting, i know a girl who got pregnant at 16 smoked and drank and now has her baby son whos perfectly healthy (luckily) I on the other hand take the utmost care and do everything right and am more responsible yet i dont have mine with me.Lifes insanely unfair but your time and mine will come around and it will be all the sweeter because of all that went before

I never said her sister would not make a good mom. I simply stated that she will have MORE to offer her child than her sister will. She will be in a better place physically, mentally, emotionally, and most likely financially as well. Her maturity level will be well over what her sister's is.
My sister will be 18 in a couple of days and has an 18 month old. I love my nephew to pieces and so does my sister BUT she has to live with my mom because she cannot make enough money to provide for her LO right now. The father of the child is COMPLETELY out of the picture and is also a deadbeat when it comes to financial issues. He's yet to pay a lick of child support.

My sister HAS to work her butt off just to be able to buy diapers and baby things for my nephew and a LOT of times (probably more often than not) my mother has to buy the necessities for him because she simply cannot afford it. She cries regularly because she had to drop out of school. My mother fell ill and since she was the one watching my nephew while my sister went to school my sister had to drop out - right after her freshman year. So - here she is 18 years old, not even a high school education, no form of transportation because where we live if you drop out of school you are no longer able to get your driver's license at 16. You have to wait until you're 18 years old and since she couldn't get it before dropping out of school she is only NOW about to get it (here in the next few days).

She has to have her son on Medicaid since she doesn't make enough money to afford regular health insurance and she lets herself go to the wayside because she can't even afford to pay for health insurance for herself.

Oh, yes. She loves her son - he is the world to her and she is happy with him. She also wishes she could give him more. She, in my opinion, is a wonderful mother but at the same time she doesn't feel the responsibility for him 100%. She often will leave my nephew with my mom just so she can go sleep or sit on the computer. While that's all fine and good sometimes I feel she mostly abuses the fact that she's young and my mother thinks she needs so much help.

I know that there are young mothers out there that are doing their absolute BEST to take care of their LOs but they're struggling because of it and in turn can't give their babies the best.

So, please. Don't act like I don't know what I'm talking about. I see it first hand every day. I think the girls who actively try to get pregnant as a teenager are immature and have no clue as to what is about to happen to their lives. They want baby dolls. Even if the pregnancy is unplanned I don't think there is a reason for it. MOST if not ALL teenagers now days know how to protect themselves from an unplanned pregnancy and it's immature on their part to not do so.

ETA: I in no way look down on teen mom's. So those of you who were offended by my comments, you shouldn't have. I was trying to encourage Althara not berate teen moms. In my opinion teen pregnancies are not ideal but I do know that there are awesome teen mom's out there. My sister is one of them but she is still not in an ideal situation.
From what I read from Althara's original post her sister neglects her puppy. This had a LOT to do with my viewpoint. Maybe having a baby will change her but I also know a few girls who had babies even at the age of 18 or 19 and wanted nothing to do with their children, passed them off to babysitters, daycares or their mom's so they could go out and do whatever it is they wanted to do.
This is what I formed my opinions on. Although my sister is a great teen mom she has always been pretty responsible, I know people can change and especially after they have someone in their life who depends on them but it's really dependent upon that person.
My statements were not meant to attack anyone on bnb. I'm sorry that this was the case.